Beyond Infertility

Why saying hello to the adoption process is healthiest after parting ways with infertility treatments

Standing vis-à-vis with the reality of infertility, even after following through with the myriad treatment possibilities, often proves to be among the most trying times couples will ever experience, many say.
 
Processing through the reality of infertility – from learning the news to pursuing treatment and beyond – is a physically and emotionally taxing experience. However, while these couples often feel like the world is packed full of glowing, pregnant women, the reality is that infertility is very common. In fact, of all reproductive-age couples in the United States, approximately 10 percent experience infertility.
 
People choose adoption for a variety of reasons, but it is estimated that between 11 and 24 percent of couples who choose adoption do so after exhausting infertility treatment options.
 
But when the decision is made to pursue adoption, it should be just that: a decision that is made to pursue adoption, following emotional closure from hopes of conceiving biologically.
 
Psychologist Dr. Janice Sidelnik explains why:
 
“This is how closure can take place – it’s like crossing a bridge,” she says. “Crossing the bridge is much easier with this acceptance, even though our prior history will always be an important part of our lives, the next stage is much healthier once those conflicts, including the disappointment many couples feel with infertility treatments, with those all closed up.”
 
Because of the emotional loss experienced following years of unsuccessful infertility treatments, many couples enter the realm of adoption with understandable emotional walls, even if they have moved beyond infertility.
 
After experiencing a monumental emotional setback such as an exhaustive, unsuccessful infertility treatment, many couples find it hard to believe that they will ever be parents. It is absolutely normal and healthy to experience a sense of doubt, and to feel the need for professional assistance in crossing this emotional bridge.
 
For these couples – and anyone who desires emotional support – Sidelnik and American Adoptions recommend counseling, which can dramatically improve the emotional outcome of the process, preparing couples to be fully mentally engaged with adoption.
 
“Counseling can assist in the process of coming to acceptance and whatever way works for them, whether it is tied to their religion or personal philosophy on life – whatever is meaningful to each individual, and also each other as a couple,” she says.
 
But once moving beyond fertility and choosing adoption, couples should be prepared for a paradigmatic shift in their way of thinking: the question is no longer “if” you will become parents, but “when?”
 
Therefore, the time to begin personal preparations for adoption is now! In addition to reading as much as you can about adopting a child, many parents say that journaling during this time can be of immense emotional assistance when it comes to processing through the many emotions experienced during this time.
 
“Journaling is an alternative to having the words actually come out of your mouth – it’s something you can go back to and reflect on again and refine the process in black and white,” Sidelnik says.
 
She reiterates the importance of understanding that each individual and couple will process through the emotions of adoption differently – that each experience is as unique as the individual.
 
“The way an individual experiences emotions in everyday life will likely be paralleled in the adoption process,” she says.
 




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