The Faces of Birth Parents
It’s no wonder that images of birth mothers tend to parallel the stereotypes of these women portrayed in the media: an uneducated 17-year-old drug addict deserted by her family, forced to “give up” her baby to an adoption agency in exchange for rent and drug money.
The evolution of adoption has been monumental in 20 years and even more dramatic in the past decade. Long, long gone are the days when women facing unplanned pregnancies “gave up” babies to adoption agencies as a “last resort.”
Placing a baby for adoption, rather than ending a life or choosing to parent despite an inability to fulfill a child’s needs, is an extraordinary expression of selflessness, requiring a complex decision-making ability concluding adoption to be a win-win-win choice.
Women who choose adoption not only choose to give the miracle of life to a new human being, but also to give the gift of parenthood to families who want nothing more in the world.
Doesn’t sound much like the characteristics of an uneducated girl with nothing left but despair and addiction?
That’s because birth mothers are far from embodying this one image. Rather, birth mothers encompass virtually every age group, ethnicity, marital status, profession and sexual orientation.
The following are just a few types of the thousands of women that have chosen to work with American Adoptions.
- Jessica, 24, works full-time and as much over-time as she can. She is able to cover her expenses, but must help her family in Guadalajara make ends meet, as well. When she found out she was pregnant by a guy she hasn’t seen in several months, she knew there was no way she could support a baby, herself and her family, alone. She says she considered abortion, but then began to think of all the families out there that can and want to provide for children, so she chose adoption. “When I saw Elisa and Juan’s profile, I fell in love with their personalities, their lifestyle – they have the type of marriage I one day hope to have, so I chose them.”
- Quinn, 21, is a college sophomore majoring in accounting and finance. For her 21st birthday, her sorority sisters took her out for her first night on the town of legal drinking age. “I really don’t even like the taste of alcohol, but felt obligated to drink the shots my sisters kept buying. I knew it was stupid.”
Far beyond the ability to make sound decisions, she says she met Josh, a guy at one of the bars that she thought was really attractive, funny and intelligent, and she went home with him. When her period was late, she says she knew why immediately, having felt different for the past few weeks.
“We’re not dating, but Josh and I have become friends, and both agreed on adoption – while a life parenting a child with someone we barely know was not what we wanted, it certainly wasn’t the baby’s fault, so abortion was absolutely out of the question.”
- Genevieve, 32, is a French teacher at a private school. She says she wants to be absolutely sure of her decision to marry someone, so dates several men on a regular basis in search of ‘the one.’
When she found out she was pregnant, she was certain of the baby’s father, but also knew she wasn’t ready to commit to someone for “reasons other than love.” Genevieve is a conservative Catholic and very pro-life, but when she shared the news with the father, his reaction was dysfunctional and unsupportive. “I’m a teacher – I barely make more than minimum wage … there was no way I could raise a child by myself.”
She says adoption was the best choice she could make for the baby, and was able to choose a family of French origin, because this was very important to her.
- Charla, 29, is a stay-at-home wife and mother of three boys, all less than 5-years-old. Her husband, Kirk, works two jobs – one full-time and another one about 20 hours per week in the evenings. With three children, Charla and Kirk were finding it nearly impossible to make ends meet. “Every month, I’m sure we’re not going to be able to do it, but somehow, we just barely scrape by,” Charla says.
Upon finding out Charla was pregnant with a fourth child, she says she was completely devastated and knew another baby would be their family’s tipping point. Kirk and Charla love parenthood and agreed to never choose anything but life in the event of an unplanned pregnancy. However, neither imagined they would ever find themselves in such a tight financial spot.
Well into Charla’s second trimester, and after many sleepless nights of heated discussion, she and Kirk decided on adoption. They chose to place their first daughter with a family who believes in the benefits of an open adoption. Katherine is now 6 years old and comprehends Charla and Kirk gave her life, but Brie and Tyler are her mommy and daddy.
Birth mothers – like adoptive families – come from all walks of life, but experience their own complex and intense set of feelings about adoption. It’s important to keep this in mind when considering adoption, but also remember that, just as it is for you, the adoption process will prove to be one of the most profound experiences of your lives.
