When Family And Friends Aren't Supportive

You've researched, read, talked and spent many nights contemplating whether or not adoption was the choice for you. Now you finally have your decision and are ready to take your first steps in your adoption journey. But what happens when not everyone in your life shares this same joy and excitement with you?

Many adoptive couples find themselves shocked by some reactions of close family and friends when sharing the news about their adoption decision. When those closest to you react negatively to your adoption news, their reaction can often be heartbreaking and surprising. However, there may be other reasons to their reaction.

It is important to remember that many people may express negative feelings towards your adoption plan because they are afraid of you getting hurt. Unfortunately, dramatized television movies and talk shows have often perpetuated many adoption myths and fears that are simply untrue. This misinformation often clouds a person's view of adoption. If someone is unsupportive of your adoption decision, they may simply be expressing their worry and love for you. Even if what they are saying comes out ... all wrong.

You should also consider how long it took you and your spouse to arrive at your adoption decision -- often, family and friends are simply shocked to learn about your adoption plan and simply don't know what to say. Give them time to process the news. Also consider that they probably don't understand just how much you may have struggled with this decision or any of the details surrounding your reasons for pursuing adoption. Often family and friends do not know that a loved one has struggled with infertility or has other medical issues impacting their ability to have a child. They may believe that they are being supportive by saying "Try a bit longer to have a baby of your own," or "Don't worry, now that you have chosen to adopt I know you'll get pregnant!"

If you encounter negative comments or reactions from family and friends about your adoption news, take this time to educate them. Share with them all that you have learned about adoption. Educate them about appropriate adoption language and how comments like "Why is the birth mother giving up her child?" can be hurtful and negative. They simply may not know that their terminology is negative.

Finally, remember that you only need to share your adoption news, and any information about your adoption journey, with those you choose. Do not feel obligated to explain to everyone at great length why you are adopting. Surround yourself with those who are supportive of your plan and only share what you feel comfortable sharing with those who have reacted negatively. This is your adoption journey and it is yours to share -- or not share -- with whomever you wish.