Dealing With A Friend's Pregnancy

While some couples choose adoption because it is something they feel they are drawn to do, adoption is often the second choice for the majority of waiting families. After dealing with the heartbreak of infertility, adoption is often the choice couples make when they finally decide to move past their infertility and on to a new path. However, finding out about a friend's pregnancy can often cause feelings of hurt, resentment and anger to resurface.

Although you may have moved past your infertility and are fully committed to your adoption plan, the feelings you may experience when finding out about a friend's pregnancy are also very real and normal. It is OK if your first reaction is anything but joy -- and it is OK to allow yourself time to be angry or sad and to allow yourself time to grieve. These feelings don't diminish your commitment to your adoption plan, nor do they mean that you are somehow a bad person or a bad friend. The feelings you are experiencing are normal and have been felt by millions of waiting couples experiencing the same situation.

If you find yourself on an emotional roller coaster following the news of a friend's pregnancy, it is important to share your feelings with your spouse. Let your spouse know that you just need some time to process your emotions. Likewise, if you feel comfortable discussing the situation with your friend, tell her that the news of her pregnancy is a little hard for you at the moment. If she knows of your infertility struggles or adoption plan, then she may even already be aware that her pregnancy may be difficult for you and be understanding of your feelings.

However, do not allow your grief to consume you. While you should take time and allow yourself the opportunity to process your feelings, do not dwell on them. Remind yourself of  the bundle of joy that is your future. Although you and your friend are on different paths, they do still arrive at the same point -- parenthood.