It is a saying that you have probably heard time and time again -- adoption can be an emotional roller coaster.

While this time of your life is an exciting one, with many highs, there are also lows. Dealing with an adoption setback often leaves couples feeling sad, frustrated and even angry. You may even be questioning whether or not you want to continue with your adoption journey.

When you experience an adoption setback, it is important to recognize and process your feelings. It is normal to experience feelings of sadness, frustration and anger. Adoption is an emotional process, and although you might have hoped or expected your journey to be flawless, the reality is that many  waiting couples do face some kind of bump in the road.

However, although you should allow yourself time to process your emotions, do not let them consume you. Remind yourself that a setback is not a final ending.  

Allow Your Friends and Family to Help You
Don’t be afraid to rely on friends and family to help you process all of the emotions you may be feeling. Just as you have supported them during emotionally challenging times, they are also here for you during this time. Welcome the hugs, tears and support they offer to you – don’t feel as if you are “putting them out” or are burdening them. Just as your friends or family were there with you to celebrate the beginning of your adoption journey with you, they are also here for you along the way – even if there is a bump in the road. If you don’t feel comfortable openly sharing your emotions with them, then simply accept their offer of a dinner out or an afternoon of shopping or golfing. Just spending time with those who support and care about you can help.

Let Your Partner Process His/Her Emotions Their Own Way
Everyone deals with the disappointment of an adoption setback differently. While some may cry and share their emotions freely, others may try to focus on other things, such as hobbies or work. It is important that each spouse be allowed to process their emotions in his or her own way. If your partner chooses to keep their sorrow to themselves, don’t push them to talk about how they are feeling. Likewise, if your partner seems to speak of the setback often, don’t discourage them from sharing these feelings with you. There is no “right” way to process your emotions and spouses will often process emotions differently from one another.

Make Peace
Just as you should seek closure, you should also seek peace. Whether this is peace with God, a higher power or yourself, remember that you are not in control of where your adoption journey takes you. Each adoption story is unique and each one has its own sense of “it was meant to be.” Have peace in knowing that your happy ending is out there for you, as well. Although your adoption journey hasn’t quite turned out as you expected it to, it is still far from over.