October 06, 2006

Naming Your Adopted Child

We have begun wondering about names. How does that work in adoption? Do we get to choose the baby’s name or do the birth parents choose the baby’s name? What if she doesn’t like the name we choose?

Great questions! The answer to how this works is, of course, not black and white. Typically, the birth mother is excited to learn what name(s) you have chosen or are leaning toward. Sometimes the birth mother may begin referring to the baby with this name or sometimes the birth mother may already have a name picked out that she likes to call the baby. The birth mother may choose any name that she wants to put on the original birth certificate she completes in the hospital. Some birth mothers who do not have a special name of their own for the baby may put the name you have given to the child on that birth certificate. Some birth mothers who do have a special name of their own may put that name on this original birth certificate. The name on the original birth certificate has no bearing on the name you want to give the child so there is nothing to be concerned about if she does not put the name you are using on this document. Every child who is adopted will receive an amended birth certificate after the adoption finalizes. When the court issues an Adoption Decree your attorney will file for an amended birth certificate which becomes your child’s official birth certificate. This birth certificate will list your given name for the child and list you as mother and father. Many families ask if there will be issues if your birth mother puts a different name on the original birth certificate and the answer is no. You may still call the baby by your given name and you may still fill out documents at the doctor etc. with your given name. Now, there are some important things to consider and be sensitive to when it comes to this piece of the adoption.

First, when talking about names with the birth mother, do not be afraid or secretive about sharing the names you like and sharing why these names are important to you. If she shares that she has a name picked out for the baby, do not dismiss this information, instead, tell her that you like that name, ask her if there is any special meaning behind the name and mention to her that you will always keep that in mind and if the child ever has questions about it, you can share that with them later in life. Some families have selected to use the birth mother’s chosen name for the baby as their child’s name or middle name. Some families have selected the birth mother’s first name/last name to use as the child’s middle name. Some families have asked their birth mother to choose the child’s middle name. Obviously this is not something that you have to do, but it is a very nice sentiment and can be very meaningful for everyone involved in the adoption to show just how important this child is. Often families are nervous that the birth parents may not like the name they are choosing. This is always a possibility, but is very rare. Most birth mothers want you to experience parenthood and are excited for you, knowing that naming the baby is very important-this is why it is important for you to share how you have chosen this name and why you like this name. The best advice I can give about this topic or most topics that come up that you may discuss with your birth mother is to be open and honest and to involve her as much as possible. Make sure she feels involved to the degree she desires, respected for her thoughts and feelings, and secure with her decision to choose you and these issues will be surprisingly easy to handle because she will want to respect your feelings and thoughts also.