October 13, 2006

ICPC and Preparing to Travel for Your Adoption

When we get the call, I’m worried my husband won’t be able to get off of work when the baby is born. Can I go by myself? Or, can I go by myself first and have him follow me down there a day or two later?

ICPC-I am not sure my husband can be away from his work for 2 full weeks. Is there any way around ICPC? Does it always take that long?

Please share your thoughts and any advice. Thank you…

Ok, good questions! Let’s first talk about what may happen when you get the notice that it’s time for you to travel. You may get a call from the agency that requires you to travel very quickly because you may receive a match with a birth mother who is due to deliver any day or who has already had the baby. Obviously these situations are rare, but they require you to think fast and be very flexible because there is not a lot of time for planning. However, even if you are matched with a birth mother and know her due date, it will likely be impossible to plan ahead completely because you will not travel until she is in active labor, unless she is scheduled to have a cesarean section or induction.

Keep in mind, we do not want any family to schedule travel arrangements prior to receiving the call from our agency telling you it is time to travel. One thing we wouldn’t want a family to do is to schedule travel arrangements based soley on the birth mother’s due date because they could wind up waiting around for several days to weeks before the baby is even born. This is because due dates are often inaccurate or are not an exact date to plan for the baby to be born. When you do receive clearance from our agency to make travel arrangements, please keep in mind that our agency does expect every family to travel within 24 hours of receiving the call. Your Adoption Specialists will give you direction and feedback/advice based on when it would be best to arrive based on the particular needs and desires of the birth parent(s). It is usually within your best interest to arrive as soon as possible because the birth parents take comfort knowing that you are there with the baby, that this is your #1 priority and that they can begin getting to know you better. If your birth mother desires this type of contact with you, it is crucial that you both arrive as soon as possible.

There have been situations where one adoptive parent has been able to travel immediately and the other adoptive parent has had to follow on a later flight. These things can be acceptable with certain situations especially if your birth mother is aware ahead of time that this is the plan. However, both adoptive parents need to be present because the birth mother needs to know that you are both committed to her baby and that you are both excited and overjoyed. Your husband will be able to provide an element of support and security to the birth mother that you cannot, so it is important that she sees him as being just as involved as you. She picked you both because she envisioned her child having two equally involved and supportive parents; maybe she cannot provide this to her child because the birth father is unknown or not a good guy. So, it is imperative that you live up to the reasons she selected you both. If, when you get your match call, you are still concerned about the travel arrangements for your husband, you will need to begin planning and discussing this with your Adoption Specialists so they can assist you.

We know that the travel and time spent away from home can be stressful and difficult, but unfortunately there is no way around it in most circumstances. ICPC is something that every Adoption Professional has to follow any time a family goes to another state to adopt a baby. It is a law and it is crucial that it is strictly followed for your adoption to be secure. We tell families to plan to be in the birth mother’s state for at least 7-10 business days on average. During this time, you will spend time in the hospital, sign all adoption documents, discharge the baby from the hospital, and possibly attend court depending on the state procedures. Once all documents needed are pulled together, an ICPC packet is completed and forwarded to the State ICPC office in the birth mother’s state. This will likely not go out until the baby is discharged from the hospital as one of the documents that is often needed to be included in the file is a discharge order for the baby. Once the ICPC packet goes out, the process is out of our hands. Once ICPC in the birth mother’s state reviews and approves the ICPC packet, it is then forwarded to your State ICPC office. Once they have reviewed and approved the packet, you will receive verbal approval that you can return home with the baby. We cannot tell families how long this process will take because we have no control over the efficiency or timing it takes for the ICPC offices to review your packet.

We know that you would rather be able to get home with your new baby and get settled, but you must know that we cannot control this or do anything to change it. Once the ICPC process begins and all the documents are signed, your husband can return home if need be while you remain waiting for the ICPC approval to be received. Other families have done this and it is fine as long as one of you remains in the birth state with the baby until approval is granted. Some families have had a friend or family member come out and stay with them for company if their spouse had to return home. That is an option for you. The best advice I can tell you is to relinquish control and know that you can’t do anything to get home faster and we can’t do anything to get you home faster either. We don’t want you to remain away from home any longer than is necessary and that is why we do not encourage traveling ahead of the birth, unless your Adoption Specialists have provided you feedback that your situation is an exception. Prepare now in your mind that you are going to be away from home for a while and probably anxious to get home. Plan some activities or ways that you can pass the time, although you will be pretty busy as it is with a new baby! Enjoy your time together with your new little one…I am sure once you arrive home, you will have tons of visitors and activity and may even wish you had taken advantage of the quiet time you had while away from home.