February 02, 2007

Questions about Our Wait Time

We are in the T1 program and have been waiting 9 months. We are wondering if there are few couples left that were activated prior/during our time frame.

I know it is important to know that you are not alone and that others are experiencing the same wait times in your program (Traditional I). I know that families also find comfort in knowing that most families in the Traditional I program are actually placed within the average wait times of 9-18 months.

The best way for me to explain this is that we provide a true and accurate guideline of our average wait times. These average wait times are not a guarantee that every family will adopt during those timeframes but it is definitely an average. When we examine wait times, it looks very much like a bell curve. There are some families who adopt in within 1 month of being activated. The number of families adopting slowly increases as the months increase and the highest part of the bell curve is somewhere around 9-12 months for most families in the Traditional I program. Then, the curve continues down and most families will have adopted by the time they reach the 18 month part of the bell curve. There are some who will inevitably wait longer than the 18 month period as this is how we obtain an average…same way some will not wait a full 9 months to adopt. Fortunately, the number of families who will find themselves passing the 18 month mark are very few.

When thinking about wait times, it is also important to realize that every family has a different situation that can positively or negatively effect their waiting times. Some families have a more restrictive APQ, some families may have not accepted potential matches presented to them, some families have lost time due to a failed match which extends their wait time and some families may not have had a profile that birth mothers connect with. It is every family's responsibility and in their best interest to review their profile and APQ from time to time and seek advice from their Adoptive Family Specialist so they can accentuate their positives. Every family is given as much exposure to potential birth mothers as American Adoptions can provide based on each prospective family's guidelines and the rest is up to the individual prospective birth mothers needs and desires when picking their family.

I think looking at the website can be very helpful during the waiting period and getting support from different parts of our site is encouraged, but I have found that it is not helpful for most families I have spoken with to try and count or monitor every family's wait time and keep track of their own personal standing because it often causes unnecessary anxiety and concern. The reason it can be bad if someone pays too much attention to it is because you won't be able to know each family's situation and their APQ may look completely different than yours. Also, there is that one huge piece that is not able to be controlled which is the birth mother's choice so it really comes down to each birth mother finding her perfect adoptive parents based on her feelings and ability to connect with a particular family. There definitely is not an exact formula to how it works which can most definitely be difficult to bear, but the ending result is most often worth everything you are experiencing right now because the matches that are made are truly meant to be as opposed to there being a system that might match up families and birth mothers who don't connect as well.