Adoptive Family Blog

March 12, 2007

Feedback During Your Wait Time

Megan, we know that you said we could check in with you from time to time while we are active and wait for a match. When you tell us high exposure, what does that mean exactly and is there any other feedback we can receive during the waiting time? Is it essential that we check in on our exposure number because it seems like it is not really relevant until there is feedback that one of the potential birth parents has an interest in us…is this correct?

This is an excellent question that you have posed. The waiting period can often be another step in the long journey of adoption that is difficult for waiting couples to face. We cannot deny that it is hard to continue with your normal routine, waiting patiently and peacefully while at the same time being prepared to receive the call at anytime. The only way to effectively and happily get through it is to realize and face that it will happen as it should. To an extent, it is not in the agency's hands or your hands. Sure, we must work together as a team-you must put together as open and flexible of an APQ as possible and as quality of a profile as you can and we must in turn provide advertising and counseling services to reach potential birth parents. Beyond that, it is up to each individual woman to choose adoption and to choose her adoptive family. So, while we monitor each family's exposure numbers (# of times your profile is shown to women considering adoption)…it does not have full bearing on when your match and adoption will occur.

High exposure means that your profile is being shown at a rate that is average and expected each month to women who have made contact with the agency. This means that enough women are viewing your profile every month that it is possible and practical for you to be selected. Low exposure on the other hand means your profile is not going out far below the average rate and it is likely that you would not be selected. Even with these calculations though, it is impossible to determine fully because there is a human element that cannot be predicted or controlled. For example, one prospective family's profile may go out to 15 birth parents and happen to connect to a committed birth mother who selects them. Another prospective family's profile could go out to 200 birth parents and still not have been chosen by a committed birth mother who follows through with her plan. So, basic statistics tell us that the more times a family's profile goes out, the higher the likelihood that they will be selected, but it is not an exact science because of the variable that cannot be controlled-the birth parents right to choose.

It is not important for you to check in with me about this because I promise that I will contact you if there are any concerns or questions. If you do not hear from the agency during your waiting period, it simply means that your profile is getting high exposure to potential birth parents and we are busy counseling women and assessing different leads but nothing has come up quite yet for you. There is no way that you will receive feedback on each woman that reviews your profile because there is no way that we can receive and monitor that feedback. Just trust that we will share as much as we can with you and provide suggestions and guidance that we think can help you in your process. I encourage you to check in with me when you absolutely feel like you need an update…because again, I will let you know if you are not doing well-getting high exposure. I also encourage you to get in touch with me when you have questions. Beyond that, you have to approach the waiting period as exactly that and remain positive and hopeful and know in your heart 100% that it will happen as it is meant to be even though it absolutely won't make sense right now at the time. Try to enjoy all the other activities in your life and prepare for adoption by reading and talking with others. Thank you for your question.