Adoptive Family Blog

April 05, 2007

Sending Pictures and Letters

We heard that American Adoptions has a pictures and letters contract that we will sign once we are matched and were wondering what this contract states exactly. We were also wondering if we wanted to send more than what the contract states if that's ok?

You are correct as there is a pictures and letters contract that all families sign when they receive a match with a birth mother. There is a standard contract that most families sign that states they will agree to send at least 4-6 pictures and a letter to the birth mother at the following intervals:

• Once within 30 days of the child's day of birth.
• Twice per year after that until the child is 5 years of age to be delivered every six months (on or around the child's birthday and then 6 months thereafter).
• Once per year from ages 6 to 18 to be delivered by the child's birthday.

Sometimes, a birth mother will request something a little different than the standard contract and sometimes she will not request to receive any pictures and letters at all. Even if she does not request them, we do ask that families send them to the agency for 2 years just in case she changes her mind and does want to see them.

If you'd like to send more photos than the contract asks for or you'd like to send them more often, this is just fine and would be encouraged. Many families do send updates more often than their contract states and send additional items as well. Some families send photos 4 times per year, 20 photos at a time, video tapes of the child, artwork the child created, etc. Some families and birth parents have kept additional contact through emails and web pages which is also welcomed if both parties want to communicate in this format. One helpful tip to consider if you do decide to send items more frequently than the standard contract is to fully inform the birth mother in your current letter of when you plan to send more. This type of notice is helpful because birth mothers do not have to wonder when something new will show up in their mail box and become disappointed if it does not when she is guessing it will. It also allows her to emotionally prepare for the package to arrive instead of being shocked to find something from you in her mailbox unexpectedly.

Fully informing the birth mother of when your next package is coming is encouraged. For example, if your child's birthday is in October and you decide to do the minimum contract, your normal packages would arrive around October and April. Let's say you do send photos in October and then at Christmas and again on Valentines Day because you decide to send the cute photos you've taken of your child on those occasions. What can happen is she might be waiting for another package to show up in her mail box again every two months because she thinks you are sending them that often when really you just decided to do something a bit more just those two times. This is great of you to do, but what would be very helpful to the birth mother is if in your October letter you state that you plan to send something to her after Christmas and then in that package's letter, state that you plan to send something to her again after Valentines Day and then again in April. In April's letter it's especially important to prepare her to wait until October if you do not foresee any holidays or times you'll be sending them and do plan to wait until after the child's birthday. Always try to give her an idea of when you'll be sending the next package. That way, it doesn't set up her for unnecessary disappointment by trying to guess when the next package might be coming.

Pictures and letter correspondence is handled by American Adoptions and everything that you send for the birth parent(s) is logged into our system for tracking purposes, repackaged and forwarded to the birth parent(s). Often families ask what happens if she moves or no longer receives the information and if this occurs, we will hold the correspondence until we get a new address and then forward the photos on. We encourage both parties to keep American Adoptions apprised of address changes over the years.

Please continue to email Megan Spaeth at megan@americanadoptions.com with all your stories, questions, concerns, and comments. We will try to focus on different issues each week, provide answers to questions, and offer some suggested reading for all who are interested. We are looking forward to an educationally successful year, come contribute to our success.