April 27, 2007

Birth Mother Questions

I have a question that perhaps I've asked in the past and have forgotten the answer. I was looking on the website tonight and looked through the sample of birthmoms the agency is currently working with (I realize this is just a few of them and not all of them). My question is this: for birthmoms who are due this summer, at what point will they be matched with an adoptive family? In other words, when a birthmom decides on an adoption plan and signs up with American Adoptions how long will she work with and be counseled by a social worker before selecting an adoptive family? And, once she has selected a family, how long before that family is contacted? It would seem as if quite a few matches would occur within a birthmother's last trimester, that's why I was wondering if its possible that she could be signed up for several months before selecting a family and/or before that family is contacted about the match. Also, adoptive families fill out an APQ which helps their profiles be sent out to birthmoms for consideration. When a birthmom signs up with the agency, what kinds of things is she asked about and what kind of information does she provide?

Thanks for your help.

This is a very good question and very thorough so thanks for asking. American Adoptions does not have an exact set protocol for how long a specialist works with a birth mother prior to matching her with an adoptive family and alerting the adoptive family of the match. The reason for this is because every birth mother is different. Some women will contact the agency to begin creating an adoption plan very early in the pregnancy. For example, one woman may contact us in her first month of pregnancy and be very committed and follow through with her plan and the specialist may determine it is time to match the birth mother with her adoptive family in the 4th month of pregnancy because the birth mother needs this for her to feel comfortable with her adoption plan. As a general rule, American Adoptions tries not to match a family with a birth mother until she is through her first trimester. Another birth mother may also contact us in her first month of pregnancy initially but move at a much slower pace and not follow through as diligently so the adoption specialist may not match her until her 6th or 7th month of pregnancy when the birth mother becomes more comfortable and committed to her plan. This is because contact with us is voluntary and delicate. It is up to the birth mother so yes it is very possible that we could be in contact with a birth mother for many months prior to us notifying the adoptive family. We would not want to contact the adoptive family prematurely if we do not need to because it could be much harder emotionally. Some birth mothers make contact with the agency at very late stages of the pregnancy and the specialist may need to contact the adoptive parents after only a short period of interacting with the birth mother. There is no exact formula that works best because every birth mother has different needs and ways of working through her own adoption plan so we must bend and mold to do what is going to work best. I would say on average, it just seems like most matches tend to occur somewhere around the 7th month of pregnancy but as you can see, a family should be prepared to be contacted for a match with a birth mother who is 4 months along or even who is due the next day. Those potential birth mothers who are due in June, July, August could start being matched with adoptive families any time during the next few months depending on the birth mother's needs and how quickly she is ready to proceed forward.

When a birth mother begins her adoption process, she has her own unique needs and desires for her adoption plan so we take into account several things when matching her with a family. We attempt to find out as much information about her medical history, substance usage during pregnancy, contact desires with adoptive family, cost of her adoption and characteristics she is seeking in adoptive parents. For example, we may know that a potential birth mother is going to have a Hispanic infant, that she smokes cigarettes, has cancer and depression in her extended family, wants a semi open adoption and prefers a family where there will be a stay at home parent. If we have all this information, we will try to match her with the families that match most closely to her and then it is up to her to select families she likes. Some birth mothers will look at profiles and pick a family because they remind her of her own family and they share similar interests and hobbies. Many factors come into place for a match to occur. It is awesome when the right match occurs. My biggest advice to families at this point in the process is to be as flexible and open minded as you can because you don't get to control every aspect of it. We have no way of knowing what is coming your way and when it does happen, it is amazing. Please let me know if you have any other questions...sometimes it is hard for me to gage if it makes sense. 

Take care, 

Megan