Adoption Terminology 101

Many families new to the adoption process often find themselves inundated with unfamiliar words and phrases commonly used in the adoption world. While some adoption terms may be familiar, there are many words and phrases that often leave waiting families scratching the heads and wondering what they mean.

The following is a list of commonly used adoption words and phrases:

Adoptee: Any person who has been adopted.
Adoption Facilitator: Unlicensed organizations or individuals offering adoption services, illegal in many states.
Adoption Triad/Triangle: The three parties involved in an adoption (adoptee, adoptive parents and birth parents).
Adoptive Parent: Someone who legally assumes parental rights/responsibilities for an adopted child or children.
Birth Mother/Birth Father/ Birth Parents: Biological mother or father of a child that is adopted or planning to be adopted (sometimes referred to as natural or first mother/father).
Closed Adoption: Adoption in which confidentiality of both adoptive parents and birth parents are protected under the law, the courts seal all records.
Consent: The legal document signed by the birth mother and birth father allowing their child to be placed for adoption (also referred to as a surrender or relinquishment).
Finalization: Court action that grants permanent legal custody of a child to the adoptive parents.
Home Study: A study that is conducted on all prospective adoptive parents by an authorized adoption professional in their state. A home study is normally completed prior to placement of a child in the home and validates suitability to adopt for the courts.
Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children (ICPC): The legal compact between states that allows for the placement of children for adoption across state lines. Required when the birth mother and adoptive parents reside in different states.
Living Expenses: Expenses in adoption that help the birth parents with items such as rent, food, clothing and utilities. Living expenses are provided by prospective adoptive parents and are provided based on the birth parents' needs and state laws.
Match: When a birth mother and adoptive family are connected in anticipation that the birth mother will place her baby with that adoptive family.
Open Adoption: An adoption where birth parents and adoptive parents meet, names and addresses may be exchanged and communication may continue indefinitely; terms of open adoptions vary greatly depending on the needs and comfort levels of everyone involved.
Post-Placement Visits: Meetings and interviews with an adoptive family once a child has been placed with them that is typically conducted by the professional who completed the home study.
Semi-Open Adoption/Semi-Closed Adoption: Adoption where the adoptive family and birth parents may talk, meet and have correspondence after the adoption, but little or no identifying information is exchanged. At American Adoptions, we assist adoptive families and birth parents in semi-open adoptions by handling all correspondence through the agency.

In Their Own Words

Mike, Lissa and Austin's Adoption Story

Thanks to American Adoptions and a wonderful birth mother, we adopted Austin in less than seven months after being activated and that included one disrupted adoption. Our adoption journey began in December 2007. We started paperwork before Christmas and were activated on February 26, 2008.

Our flight to California was scheduled for Tuesday June 3, 2008. Early on Monday June 2, 2008, the birth father called us to say that the birth mother was in labor. We changed our flights and were able to get a mid-day flight to California, but we had a layover in Denver. When we got off the plane in Denver the agency called to say that the little girl was already born.

When we got off the plane in California we had a message to call Emily. Emily told us that the birth mother had a bad day and did not want us at the hospital yet. The birth mother did call us in the hotel that night and said she was sorry that she was not feeling well but wanted us to come by the hospital in the morning but to call first. The next morning, after a sleepless night, we called her cell number as well as her room with no answer. We drove down by the hospital and sent her some flowers. When we were still in the lot of the flower shop, we finally got through to the room. The birth father told Mike that he was sorry but he just could not go through with the adoption. We were devastated to say the least. American Adoptions really showed us what they are about, even though they do not have an office in California, Angie and Emily were both on the phone with us. Angie called several times to check on us. We stayed that night in California and scheduled our flight home for the next morning. I happened to check my e-mail later that afternoon and had a long e-mail from the birth mother saying how sorry she was and that she would still like to meet us and introduce us to the little girl. We were very hurt but understood. I did decline the invite to the hospital because I thought that would make it even harder on us. We called our family and friends to give them the bad news.

We were activated again on June 6, 2008, because we did not want to lose anytime. The second wait was harder than the first.

On August 19, 2008, a little over two months of being back on the list, I received a phone call when I was at work. Once again I knew by the caller ID what the call was. This time Sarah said I have a possible match for you and Mike. I knew that meant something was outside of our APQ. Sarah explained the situation and said the birth parents had picked us. Sarah also said that she would give us a little time to think it over. Of course the big thing was that the baby was due in two weeks. The issue that was outside of our APQ was minor and we decided to take the match. The birth mother lived in Ohio and was hoping to meet us beforehand. She was due the day after Labor Day. We spoke with both birth parents on the conference call the next week. Before the call we knew that if the birth mother liked us then she wanted to meet us, of course that was no pressure at all. The call went well and we decided to drive to Ohio on Labor Day weekend to meet them. It was only a five and half drive for us. We did not tell our families about the match and told very few co-workers.

The Saturday before Labor Day we drove to meet the birth parents, Sarah and Mike. However, Sarah, her son, her mother and stepfather showed up. We were a little nervous because the birth father did not show up. Lunch went great and we really liked Sarah and her whole family. It is so hard to describe the respect that you have for someone who no matter how hard it is for them they want to do what's best for the child. We had packed enough just in case she was to go into labor while we were there. It was hard to drive back home knowing how close Sarah was to the due date. The doctor said he would let Sarah go a couple weeks beyond the due date because of late prenatal care.

Less than a week late,r on Friday September 5, 2008, Mike received a call from Sarah who said she was having labor pains. Sarah said that the doctor sent her home and told her that she was having contractions but wait until they got closer. I called the agency and told them that we were going to go ahead and travel to Ohio. They said that was fine but be prepared that it might be several days before she has the baby. We arrived in Ohio that night and called Sarah's mother who told us that they were at the hospital but the doctor was probably going to release Sarah. She assured us that she would call and keep us updated. She called us back after midnight and said they had admitted Sarah but the baby would not arrive until the next day sometime. She told us we could come and visit that night or in the morning. We debated on when to go. We thought maybe they did not want us there until morning. We could not sleep so around 2 a.m. we went to the hospital. Sarah and her mother were both asleep. We told the nurse to tell them that we had been there. A few hours later Sarah's mother called to say that they were up. We went on to the hospital. We sat in the room with Sarah and her mother. We took Sarah some flowers and asked if she needed anything. The doctor said the baby would be there before the afternoon hours. After lunch the baby's heart rate started dropping. A little before 2 p.m. the doctor advised Sarah that the best thing for the baby at this point was a c-section. Sarah agreed to the emergency c-section.

The hospital gave us our own room and we had Austin with us from day one. The hospital staff was great and treated us so good. Sarah told us numerous times that she knew she was doing what was best for Austin. Sarah and her mom are both amazing women. We were grateful to get to know them along with Sarah's son and stepfather. Over the next couple of days Sarah and her family would come into our room and spend time with Austin and us. Sarah was released on Monday but Austin stayed in the hospital until Tuesday when the 72 hours were up. Of course, we were very worried about the birth father because we had only met him briefly and we could not help but remember that the birth father in California was the one who changed his mind. It seemed like Tuesday would never get there and we still had not told our families. We had decided after the first failed match that we would not tell them until we had left the hospital with Austin. Of course this was easier to keep the secret because we only knew about the match for such a short time. On Tuesday we awaited the arrival of the birth parents and the first person there was Shannon, a social worker who informed us that the birth parents were running a little late. Of course the time seemed to stop at that point. Both birth parents showed up and they came into the room with us. We had to wait for an additional social worker so we did get to spend some time with the birth father as well as Sarah, which was nice. After the paperwork was signed we got to spend some more time with Sarah and give her some gifts that bought for her, the birth father and her son. Sarah told us that she knew she was doing the best thing for Austin and that if it had been anyone other than Mike and I she probably would not have went through with the adoption. Sarah walked to the car with Austin, Mike and I. It was hard to say bye and there are no words that can express your appreciation to the birth parents for giving you such an amazing gift. At that point it was still hard for us to believe that everything went as it was supposed to.

After leaving the hospital we went to our hotel which would be our home for almost three weeks. We called our families and friends who were very surprised and very happy for us. We had visitors most of the time that we were in Ohio. The birth grandmother and the birth mother had us over to their house for dinner while we were still in Ohio.

Austin is now almost 5 months old and is the perfect baby for us. I promised myself that I would write this letter because I remember being on the waiting list and it was nice to read the adoption stories. If you are a waiting family, have faith that the right baby will come along for you. It was hard for us to see that when we went through the failed match but I cannot imagine having any baby other than Austin. Austin made the holidays so much sweeter and he giggled for the first time on Christmas Eve. No matter how long you have to wait the baby will be well worth it.

The birth parents will forever have a place in our hearts. We still communicate with Sarah and her family via email. Our adoption was an open adoption and we do not regret that at all.

We want to thank the birth parents and the entire staff at American Adoptions with a special thanks to Angie Newkirk, Sarah Anderson, Megan Kautio, Emily Winkleman, Joy Quante and Lynn from the attorney's office. We would recommend American Adoptions to any adoptive couple or birth mother. We were very impressed with the way American Adoptions treat adoptive couples as well as the birth mothers.

American Adoptions Announces New Foster Care Partnership

In addition to helping families and children through traditional domestic adoption, the adoption of children within the state's foster care system has long been in the heart of American Adoptions.

Our founders, Ted, Susan and Scott Mars, are not only an adoptive family, but they also served as a temporary home to over 150 children in Kansas' foster care system.

Our agency provides extensive lobbying efforts to improve the adoption laws in our home state of Kansas. As a result, we have numerous contacts with the state of Kansas and the organizations that help children in the Kansas foster care system.

In 2009, you will begin to notice biographies on children in Kansas foster care, which will be placed on our Web site, www.americanadoptions.com, along with information directing families where to call if interested in adopting one of these children.

Helping Children in Kansas Foster Care Jaymes, 10 Male Caucasian KVC Reference #7591 Polite, respectful, and friendly are words used to describe Jaymes. He also has a good sense of humor. Jaymes likes to play games on the computer and loves to draw. He is interested in cars, too. James has two older sisters he would like to maintain contact with, but he can be adopted alone. Jaymes will benefit from a family who can provide structure and consistency and help him to appropriately express his feelings. Jaymes would like to live in a city, and would enjoy having a sister in his Forever Family. Contact information for families who inquire about these children: Toll-free telephone number - 888-655-5500 E-mail - adoptionspecialist@kvc.org Website -www.kvc.org/Meet Kansas Kids

Questions & Answers With Laurie

Laurie
Walker

Hello everyone, my name is Laurie Walker and I am an Adoptive Family Specialist with American Adoptions. I have worked with many birth mothers and adoptive families in my time here at American Adoptions and love being able to watch families form through adoption.

Q. Dear American Adoptions,

We had adopted a beautiful baby girl, Lilli, in March 2007 (through your agency). Now that she approached 2 years of age, we've been thinking about possibly adopting again. Does your agency ever have twins to adopt? If so, does that happen often?

A. American Adoptions assists in approximately one to five sets of multiples being placed for adoption per year. Our agency will not split multiples into different adoptive family homes. If an adoptive family marks on their APQ they are open to adopting twins or triplets, their profile will be shown to potential birth mothers who are aware they are carrying twins or triplets. There have been circumstances where a birth mother has viewed profiles prior to being aware she is carrying more than one baby. If this results in her having an interest in an adoptive couple who did not state on their APQ they were open to adopting twins/triplets, the agency would still call the couple the birth mother had an interest in to verify they indeed are not interested in the match. That couple would be allowed to deny the match. There have also been a few rare circumstances where birth mothers have been officially matched with a family prior to her doctor being aware that the pregnancy is a multiple pregnancy. If this occurred and a family was not open to proceeding with the adoption due to the multiple pregnancy, as long as their APQ noted they were not open to this previously, the family would be allowed to back out of that match. The agency costs associated with the adoption of twins/triplets is the same as for a singleton adoption; however, medical expenses and court filing costs may make the total adoption expenses higher.

Have a question for American Adoptions?