The Importance of Having the Right Home Study

Many times, American Adoptions has received inquiries from families regarding whether or not our agency will accept a previously completed state home study. Unfortunately, in most of these cases our agency cannot.

While you may think that all home studies are the same, the answer is that they are not. If you have a state home study completed, there are many reasons why our agency may not be able to accept your completed home study:

• Typically, state home studies are written for foster care, not adoption.
• Most state agencies will not alter their home studies, meaning families oftenare not able to obtain an update or addendum if needed for an adoption. Although a family may try to find a home study provider to provide an update or addendum to their original home study, it's uncommon for other agencies to do this.
• State home studies are often not geared for private interstate adoption. They are written to comply with that state's regulations and only that state.
• State agencies typically will not release the family's supporting documents. Meaning they'll need to rerun clearances and obtain additional references, etc.

Ensuring that you have the right kind of home study for your needs is a key step in the adoption process. For more information on home studies, visit www.americanadoptions.com/adopt/home_study.

On the Safe Side

When preparing for baby, don't forget about safety

You may have read all of the books, had endless conversations with veteran parents about the baby basics and scoured the Internet for all of the baby tips and advice you could read - but is your house ready for baby?

When you finally get "the call," it is easy to get caught up in the whirlwind that later ensues - your mind suddenly shifts to thoughts of diapers, baby blankets, footed pajamas and pacifiers. However, one of the most important things to focus on before baby comes is baby proofing your house. Here are a few things to consider before bringing your new little bundle of joy home:

• Make sure the crib slats are no more than 2 3/8 inches apart, that the mattress fits snugly and (if using a used crib) that the crib is structurally sound.
• Position the baby's crib away from windows, heaters, lamps and window blind cords.
• Place a thick carpet or rug beneath the changing table and crib, also make sure the changing table pad has a safety strap.
• Place a carbon monoxide detector on the sleeping level of your home; also make sure there are working smoke detectors on each floor.
• Keep toys and stuffed animals with long cords out-of-reach of your baby as these can pose a choking hazard.
• Remove any mobiles or hanging toys from the crib once baby can sit up on their own, typically around four or five months of age.

• Place safety gates at the top and bottom of stairways. Make sure gates at the top of stairways are rated for that purpose.
• Install window guards on any windows that could be reached by your child. Make sure all blind cords are out of reach of the child.
• Put childproof latches on all drawers and cabinets containing items that are hazardous to your child.
• Place outlet plugs into all exposed electrical outlets.
• Place furniture edges or bumpers on coffee tables, end tables, the edge of the fireplace, etc.
• Remove any breakable or small decorative items from table tops.
• Secure tall, heavy furniture items to the wall with wall straps.
• Examine your house from baby's level - lie on the floor and look around the room to see any potential hazards that appear.

• Put nonskid mats in the bathtub and on the floor next to the bathtub, also install a soft spout cover on the bathtub faucet.
• Place nonskid pads under area rugs or doormats that could slide.
• Place doorknob covers on all doors that you do not want your toddler to access.
• If your stove has knobs easily reached by your toddler, place knob covers over them. When cooking, always try to use the back burners and make sure all pot handles are not reachable by the child.

Questions & Answers With Laurie

Laurie
Walker

Hello everyone, my name is Laurie Walker and I am an Adoptive Family Specialist with American Adoptions. I have worked with many birth mothers and adoptive families in my time here at American Adoptions and love being able to watch families form through adoption.

Q.

We are finding it a challenge to know what to say when others ask questions about our child who is another race than our own. Some people have even asked if we are foster parents which has just broken my heart at times. When I've explained to some our adoption story in a very brief way, I've received yet another set of inappropriate questions that usually involve wondering how the birth mother could have "given her child away like that". How do we handle the stares that we sometimes feel or questions from total strangers about the nature of how our family has been created?

A.

Society is often very curious about those who have experienced any side of the adoption triad. Whether you are a birth parent, adoptive family or adoptee, the reality is there are many individuals you will come across who just don't get it. They have not had the education to learn the truth about adoption being a very loving decision for birth parents to make and a wonderful way many couples can and do build their families. In many cases, questions you receive are based more on ignorance rather than a wish by that person to inappropriately probe or offend. Let's face it, there is no way you could educate each and every person you meet who asks these types of questions nor do you likely have the desire or time to. As an adoptive family, your focus likely lies more on what is an appropriate way to prepare your child for these types of questions and what responses can you yourselves prepare that will appear both truthful and comfortable when in the presence of your child's ears. Each family will come up with answers that work for them, and feel comfortable for them. It's important to be on the same page with your spouse on what you believe would be appropriate responses for consistency purposes with your child(ren). Below are examples of questions some of our families have received and ways some have chosen to respond. Some are short and sweet and do not allow for strangers to ask additional questions, which many have found helpful. If the person asking the below questions is a friend or family member, much more detailed answers can certainly be great choices too. We've found most families are more put off by strangers being somewhat nosy and get caught off guard. Many don't feel like having a long discussion with a stranger to truly explain everything nor would they choose to with a total stranger. We hope these are helpful or that they prompt discussion between you and your spouse to determine answers you'd both feel comfortable providing to others if you found yourself in a similar situation. Remember, you are not obligated to tell your story to anyone you are not comfortable doing so with and sometimes, short general answers are quite enough to remain polite, yet discrete.

Is this your foster child or grandchild?
No, this is our son John. (sweet, simple and true)

Where did your son get his blue eyes?
From God, we think they are so beautiful too.
Or if you met the birth parents and are comfortable responding in this way you could say, from his birth father/mother aren't they beautiful.

How could her birth mother have given her away like that?
Her birth mother is a very loving person who made a very difficult, but loving choice to allow us to become her parents. We admire her very much.
Or, I'm sure it was a very hard choice for her, but we love her very much for her strength and courage to allow us to be John's parents.

Your son must get his looks from his daddy? (this question can come when dad is not present)
You can simply smile and say isn't John a beautiful boy.
Or actually, she gets her looks from both of her parents.

Is this your child from a previous marriage?
No, this is our beautiful daughter Hannah. (again, sweet, simple and true)

I admire you for having adopted. I don't know if I could ever do that?
We feel like we are the luckiest people in the world to be Ryan's parents. We love him more than words could explain and couldn't imagine our lives without him.

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