Taking the First Step

An Adoptive Family Shares Their Insight into Beginning the Adoption Process

Editor's Note: The following is a narrative written by Sue, a mother who adopted her daughter through American Adoptions.

We struggled to conceive a child, losing our first child at 5 months of pregnancy and then having the inability to conceive again, despite multiple attempts at fertility treatments. We knew ultimately, we just wanted to be parents, no matter how that would work for us.

In taking our first step, we attended a local agency's seminar that explained the adoption process in broad/basic terms- both domestic and foreign based adoptions. Initially, our thought was- this is nice, but we are not ready. A good friend of ours indicated, you will know when you are ready, so not to force it- she was right!

Over 1 year later, after a failed invitro attempt and many hundreds / thousands of dollars, we decided that any more money invested needed to be with adoption, at least with adoption, we would eventually get a "return on investment"! We chose American Adoptions based on the positive experience (3 times!) of a good friend of ours and the website's level of professionalism solidified that decision!

Step 1- Application
Getting all of our information together was very time consuming. We purchased an organizer binder so that if any of the material needed to be resent or readily available, we would easily be able to retrieve it. We organized the information (i.e. bank statements, verification of employment, insurance info, etc.) seperately, labeling each section for easy access.

Step 2- Completing our (APQ) Questionnaire
At the advice of our friend, we made 2 copies, one for each of us (wife / husband). Each of us then checked off what we wanted for a child and what we were willing/unwilling to accept. This was extremely helpful as it allowed us individually to think about this child and how we would or would not accept them into our life. Any answers that we did not both check were up for discussion, but ultimately, if we could not agree, then it was a no on the APQ. It brought out much honesty between us and some surprises as well. We felt even if our APQ was fairly limited in scope, that was OK since this "investment in our future" was so important, both for us as a couple and for this child in our life.

Step 3- The Adoptive Family Profile
The assistance of the graphic design agency was very helpful in guiding us towards a profile that was unique to us. We took the extra step to hire a local photographer to get pictures of us in and around our home/neighborhood as we wanted to have great pictures. Having a good digital camera and a friend is more than sufficient for this. We answered multiple questions as recommended by the agency, letting them then pick the ones that they felt would help us stand out to a birthmom/dad. We appreciated the agency also in that our portfolio was then not a contest with other families as to who has the best scrapbooking skills!

Step 4- The Home Study
We truly found this to be very comfortable and easy. We were merely, talking about us- and who knows us better than us! The home visit for this was simple, although we thanked the social worker as it spurred us to clean like we never cleaned our home before (just our attention to detail- again, we probably went a bit over-board to put our best foot forward!)

Waiting for the home study to be written to help us then activate with American Adoptions was probably more of an anxious wait than waiting for our child as we were so ready for everything to be good to go. Our home study write up was done easily within 30 days, but it was also over the holidays and we were anxious to have our profile up and going with AA. Once it was, we truly did relax for the first time in several months.

Step 5- Waiting
We had a 5 month wait- which was truly amazing to us that it was so fast. During the months, we really just tried to go about living our life and we also prepared the baby's room, knowing that once the baby would arrive, decorating a room would likely be the last thing we would have time for- and we were right on with that! We did some traveling, again, knowing that the future would likely be a bit more home-based once the baby entered our life- again, we were right on! We truly did take the approach that life would be changing, so enjoy our single/couple time now since our family to be would soon alter that flexibility and independence. The guide that AA sent after activation, talking about having birthmom in the driver's seat and us as the passengers is right on target! Any time we were feeling anxious, we would reflect on this guide and just step back to know that the control of when, how, where, etc. was all in her hands.

Step 6- The Call
We were out golfing when the call came in- we were so surprise and shocked and excited and stunned! We quickly got home, arranged for house-sitting (dog sitting) and headed off to meet our daughter.

From our experience, our biggest advice is to enter adoption when it feels right- waiting that extra year was important for us and the right decision for us. Seperately completing the APQ helped to clearly define our wishes and wants and levels of acceptance for being parents. Finally, just relaxing and enjoying couple / individual time prior to "the call" was a great way for us to enjoy each other before our lives were totally changed (for the better, but still very changed).

We will certainly do this again....

-Sue

Are you an American Adoptions family who has insight to share? If you have survived the adoption process and have tips or advice to share with families just beginning their adoption journey, please e-mail editors@americanadoptions.com.

Connect With Other Waiting Families!

The American Adoptions forum gives families the unique opportunity to connect with fellow waiting couples, as well as other adoptive families who all too well what it's like to wait for "the" phone call. Share your excitement, joys and even seek support from others who are also on their own adoption journey.

Registration is free and easy. Visit the forum today!

Questions & Answers With Megan

Megan
Kautio

Hello everyone, my name is Megan Kautio and I am an Adoptive Family Specialist with American Adoptions. I have had many wonderful experiences over time working with both birth parents and adoptive families. I use this weekly column to try and provide continued education and support to our clients based on questions that have been posed. My current role at American Adoptions is to advocate for and support our prospective adoptive families who are involved in our adoption process. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with all of you.

Q. Hello, we were discussing the national paranoia about Swine Flu tonight and realized we are a bit paranoid about it as well. Knowing that today, national health experts say that half the country could be infected with swine flu this fall/winter, are you guys aware of any extra health precautions being taken with birth mothers? I know that newborns obviously can't have flu shots, but pregnant women can and some think that can help the baby. We are a bit concerned about this since, in all likelihood, we will be travelling in an airplane with a newborn whose medical history could be largely unknown. And it may happen in the middle of flu season. We would love any insight you could give us as this is a concern for us.

A. Thank you for providing this question as I am sure it is on the minds of many as we move into this year's flu season. The best advice we can give at this point is for all of our clients to talk with their doctors and develop a plan that works best for their family. Like you, I have seen the recent news that all pregnant women will be encouraged to get the swine flu vaccine this fall, but I've also heard the vaccine is still being tested for it's safety to pregnant women. When it comes to the advice for health care during pregnancy, we rely on each individual birth mother's health care providers to determine the course of action for their care. We do encourage and assist our birth mother clients in seeking medical care and educate them about the benefits to receiving proper care and the importance in following up with the doctors recommendations. If the vaccine is made available to all pregnant women, we will encourage each of our birth mother clients to seek information about receiving the vaccination from their doctor. Many doctors are recommending that all parents and caretakers of newborns/infants receive the vaccine in order to help protect their child. This is something prospective adoptive families may want to talk with their doctors about so they feel prepared. In regards to flying, we understand this may not be ideal especially if the swine flu does actually spread as some predict. Many families will still be encouraged to fly when getting the call to make their way to the hospital as we never want to delay the family's arrival as too much of a delay could actually influence an adoption to disrupt. Because of this, it might be even more important this year to talk to your doctor about the benefits with receiving the vaccine. However, more families might consider driving home with their newborn this year rather than flying home to avoid the baby being exposed to so many germs. This is something each family will need to consider and make their own decision based on what is best for them. Doctors may be able to provide recommendations for families who have no other choice but to fly with their newborn. Good hand washing and avoidance of sick people appears to be the advice all doctors are giving right now to help with prevention.

Have a question for American Adoptions?