In Her Own Words: Katherine's Birth Mother Story

The summer of 2008, as a single parent of four beautiful teenage children, I found myself in a devastating position…pregnant. I was ashamed and scared. I didn't know what I was going to do or how I would make it through. I called the father of the baby. He felt very strongly that abortion was our only way. He was not ready to raise a child with me. After failing to make the first abortion appointment and at the insistence of the baby's father, I made a second one. Sadness overwhelmed me and I felt I could tell no one. I heard an ad for adoption on the radio. The next day one of my clients told of their adult children's wonderful new baby they adopted. She told me how they had waited for 13 years and how happy they were. I had a co-worker confide in me her abortion story and after years she still mourns and wishes she would have chosen life for her baby girl. The next week I had a new client actually bring her newly adopted 7 month old baby boy to her hour long massage appointment. He was the happiest and most content baby I have ever met. But what captured me the most was the way he looked at his mother, he knew her, he loved her, he trusted her! I had my answer, Adoption! I wanted to give my little baby life. I wanted what was best for this precious life and for my four teenage children. The first adoption agency did not work out. I knew of a couple in my Sunday school class who had adopted two children. They gladly shared their stories and gave me the name of American Adoptions. What an encouragement this adoptive couple was and still is to me. American Adoptions was very easy to work with. The paperwork was understandable and everything I was told was true. Lizzie was my adoption specialist and I am thankful for all the work she did. I am also thankful for the help and encouragement she gave me. Meanwhile my baby was growing and moving and I loved him.

Picking parents was difficult and emotional. My children and I spent hours reading and discussing. To make my long story a little shorter we picked Todd and Jackie. I spoke with them on the phone and they were the right match. It was now the end of March 2009. My due date was May 1st and I usually deliver early. April 18th , 2009 at 1am my water broke. At 2am I called my friend Shelby, then the midwives, then Todd and Jackie. By 3am I had had only a few contractions but knew it was time. Samuel was born at 4:16am. He was a beautiful, perfect, very healthy baby boy! Todd and Jackie arrived safely. My children and I welcomed them into our home. The more we spent time together the more we liked them. For four beautiful blessed days I held and nursed Samuel; so much sadness and happiness all at the same time.

The day of court, as I knew it would be, was extremely hard. I kissed and hugged Samuel one more time and told him I loved him one more time. Todd and Jackie came into the court room and I handed them their new baby boy. They thanked me and promised again to keep in touch and send pictures to me. Samuel is three months old now and looks so cute, happy and healthy in the pictures that they send. I am thankful for the wonderful parents that Todd and Jackie are. I will always and forever hold Samuel in my heart. I am looking forward to the day we will meet again.

I thank God first and foremost. I thank my best friend, Shelby, my adoption worker Lizzie, my friends, Matt and Angie (the adoptive parents) for all of their help and support. Without them I don't know how I would have made it through.

Keeping Up To Date

In addition to making sure your clearances, home study and physicals are current, all active waiting families are also encouraged to make sure their insurance information is accurate and updated as needed.

Medical insurance companies have varying policies regarding the adoption of a child. While some insurance carriers will begin coverage for the child once he/she is born, others will not pick up the care for the child until the adoptive family receives physical custody of the child and the birth parents have signed their consent to adoption. For many adoptive families, this scenario means all medical costs incurred for the birth of the child and the days leading up to receiving physical custody will be out-of-pocket expenses.

Knowing whether your insurance carrier will cover the baby at birth, or after receiving physical custody, is an important item to keep up on. Since you will be responsible for all medical bills not covered by insurance, this item can drastically influence your adoption budget. Although our agency requires each family to check with their insurance company and provide us with this information during the early stages of your adoption journey, please keep in mind that your insurance provider may have since changed their policies regarding coverage of an adopted child. Also, if you have since changed jobs, or your employer has changed medical insurance providers, you must ensure that American Adoptions has your new insurance information. Please contact your Adoptive Family Specialist if you need to update your insurance information.

Questions & Answers With Laurie

Laurie
Walker

Hello everyone, my name is Laurie Walker and I am an Adoptive Family Specialist with American Adoptions. I have worked with many birth mothers and adoptive families in my time here at American Adoptions and love being able to watch families form through adoption.

Q. We recently began looking into adoption and were told by another agency that we would not be able to adopt because we are already the parents to two children. Does American Adoptions have restrictions on the numbers of children we can have in order to adopt? Does it matter if our children are biological or do they have to be adopted children? Will it be harder for us to be chosen if we have children in the home already? We have so much love to give to a child and can not have another child biologically due to medical reasons.

A. American Adoptions' does have adoptive parent eligibility criteria and fortunately you do fit within that criteria and would be allowed to join our agency. If a family is joining the Traditional Program the following criteria needs to apply for acceptance: Couples only, married a minimum of two years between 25 and 50 years of age with no more than two children. It should be noted that it does not make a difference if the children in the home are biological children or adopted children. If a family is joining the Agency Assisted Program the following criteria needs to apply for acceptance: Couples only, married a minimum of two years, between 22 and 50 years of age, no restrictions on number of children. If a family does not meet the above criteria, we do grant exceptions from time to time. We encourage all couples to contact our agency to inquire about the exception process should they not fall into the above categories.

Most birth mothers choose the families by viewing profiles and quite often families with a larger than two children household wait significantly longer to be chosen. Because of this, American Adoptions does not believe our Traditional program is a good fit for those families and recommends they seek alternative adoption options for their own benefit. However, if the family who does not meet the criteria has a flexible Adoption Planning Questionnaire (APQ) an exception might be granted. This is because their profile exposure will be larger than most families with a flexible APQ, thus allowing a greater likelihood their adoption will still happen within a desired time frame. We do allow families with any number of children to join the Agency Assisted Program simply because there are less families in this program thus the greater likelihood these families will still receive a placement within a relatively low wait time.

The good thing is that no two birth mothers are exactly alike, which means there will be a birth mother for every prospective family. I know some families find that very hard to believe as time passes with no word of a match, but it just means that the right birth mother for you has not come along yet. Birth mothers may choose families for some of the following reasons (these are all real reasons our agency has heard to why a birth mother chose the adoptive family they did):

• Family's ability to stay at home, flexible work schedules and/or extended family close by who can care for the child
• Family has no children and birth mother wants to bless them with her child
• Family has a child/children already and birth mother likes the idea of her child having sibling(s)
• Family shares similar religious beliefs
• Family's age
• Family's physical characteristics are similar to her own
• Family states that they are open to having a relationship with her and staying in touch via phone/email/photos/letters
• Family has pets and she loves animals so there is a common bond
• Family has similar career path as her or her family members
• Family's letter touches her emotionally; not sure why, but feels like the right family
• Family has same hobbies as her or her family members
• Family looks very happy and loving in their photos; are smiling a lot; look fun
• Family is active

As you can see, it varies and there are many reasons that a birth mother may be drawn to a certain family. Most birth mothers probably select a family based on several different reasons as opposed to just one, but this gives you an idea of types of things a birth mother may be drawn to. While a family who has the ability to have a stay at home mother may have an advantage of being selected by a birth mother who desires this, it does not mean that a family who does not plan to have a stay at home parent will wait longer automatically just because of this. There are so many personal and individual factors that go into each birth mother's decision and while we see common themes of what birth mothers look for, we cannot begin to create the perfect formula to ensure a family be picked by a birth mother. We can give you pointers and suggestions on how to make your profile the best it can be for your family and how to draw out the positives your family possesses. The main thing is to be yourselves and the right birth mother will come along and find those exact things very special.

Have a question for American Adoptions?