Brian and Jessica's Adoption Story

During 2002/2003, we had gone through 9 infertility treatments. The very first one resulted in a pregnancy, and then a miscarriage. We tried 8 more times and weren't able to conceive. No one could tell us why. Our doctor wanted to prescribe fertility drugs, but we were done...done with the ups and downs, the emotions, the waiting, the poking and probing, blood draws and the disappointment at the end of every cycle. We simply wanted to be parents. When it became clear that being parents was more important than being pregnant, we contacted American Adoptions and scheduled a meeting. After our first meeting..what a relief! A huge weight was lifted - it was no longer a matter of if we'd be parents, but when!

We had our home study done June 1, 2003 and became active in July. We settled in for a wait and kept the cell phone glued to our side, just waiting for a call. Seven weeks later, on September 2nd, we got a call from Megan Riley that we had been chosen by a birth mother who was overdue. We were so excited and prepared for a quick placement, ready to leave any time. That call never came. The birthmother simply stopped communicating with the agency, and we knew she had changed her mind. We had no hard feelings, we knew what a difficult and life-changing decision she was having to make to even consider adoption. We had faith that we would get the baby we were meant to have.

Each month I called the agency and like most people began worrying that we would never be chosen. On January 12, 2004 we got the call that would change our lives. Megan Spaeth called to let us know we had been chosen by birthparents to adopt their little girl, due in early March. They had spent weeks pouring over the profiles on-line and had chosen us! It was so humbling - almost unbelievable.

The birthmother was not ready for phone calls, so we began to communicate via email. Through our conversations, we learned we had so much in common! Each time we "spoke", something amazing was revealed. We fell in love with them and developed a very strong bond. She would update me after every doctor appointment and we talked about our hopes and dreams for the baby.

On March 4th, at 3:36 am, we got the call that she was in labor and we headed out for the 10 hour drive to the hospital. The drive seemed to take no time at all and when we arrived at the hospital, she had already been born. Disappointed to have missed the birth, all that disappeared when we saw our birthparents and our new daughter. She was the most beautiful baby we had ever seen! The room was filled with her family, even her 5 month old niece! I immediately went to the birthmother, Michelle, and hugged her - I felt like we had known each other forever. We spent the next 48 hours with the birthparents and family in the hospital until it was time for the baby to be discharged. Although we knew it would be emotional, we were not prepared for the depth of emotion, or the reasons why we would be that way. When the time came to leave, it was so hard on the birthparents, they loved their baby so much! We felt incredibly guilty - like we were taking their baby from them! !

They reassured us that this was their choice, they had chosen us and made this hard decision for the love of their child. It still didn't ease our pain - we hated to see them hurting so much - it killed us. We left the hospital emotionally drained and very sad, even though we were elated to have our daughter.

After we left the hospital, we still had to wait 3 days before their rights could be terminated in court. We saw them 2 of those days, and they said it was therapeutic to see her again. We went to lunch together before court and were present when they sat in front of a judge and terminated their rights. We took pictures together after court and said our goodbyes. We named our daughter Ainsley but kept her birth name, Ella, as her middle name. We want to always assure them that she will know who they are and that they love her very much.

We keep in touch through email and we send them pictures every couple of weeks. They love the pictures, seeing her grow up and know that she is doing well.

We developed a very positive bond with our birthparents. They love their baby and did what they knew was best for both her future and theirs. It was the hardest thing we have ever witnessed anyone do and it has changed us forever. We will always have a special place in our hearts for them and will always tell Ainsley how much she is loved by 2 families and how special that makes her.