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What is it like to be adopted?Sometimes I am asked, "What is it like to be adopted?"
This question always makes me smile because any response I give them would never explain how awesome my life has been because of adoption.
Being adopted is probably the most impressive feeling in the world because I was loved by two mothers. One who wanted me to have a better life, and one who gave me that life.
Being adopted feels like every day is Christmas - a Christmas not just filled with toys, but with unbelievable love.
I grew up feeling happy and complete, not because I had every toy imaginable, but because I grew up living the American Dream. My heart felt full my whole life.
My life was packed with love and opportunity. For many years, I didn’t realize how charmed of a life I was given. I thought every dad wanted to coach soccer games, hit baseballs for hours and was there for their child through the good and tough times. To me my dad was more than superman, he was a loving and supportive father. From my vantange point, he did much more than leap tall buildings with a single bound.
I thought every mother was non judgmental, positive and committed to their child's happiness. My mom is the most inspiring and uplifting person you could ever be around. I thought every mother was that way.
At a young age, every child believes their dad is Superman and their mother is Wonder Woman. The real test though, is did you feel that same way as you grew up? The answer for most is no. However, I did.
In fact, I still think my dad is Superman, and while my mother can’t spin around as much as she used to, she is still Wonder Woman to me. In fact, my kids, my wife and I believe my parents are better than any superhero imaginable. What isn’t surprising to me is that most adopted children feel the same way about their mother and father. Do you know why? Adoptive parents want so badly to be parents that when given the opportunity, they literally cherish every moment. Their often long journey to parenthood, makes them appreciate being a parent that much more.
I am not saying my parents and I didn’t have disagreements, but the difference was unlike so many parents, they were there for me every step of the way. My mom and dad helped me to overcome any scrapes and bruises, to rise again for whatever life challenged me.
I had parents who were there for me out of love and devotion. I noticed that very few of my friends had families that compared to mine. Most of my friends were not adopted. What was shocking was how different most of my friends’ parents were than mine.
My friend Steve, for example, had parents who were cold and distant to him, never seeming to fully engage in the hobbies that interested him. I had several friends who grew up without a father and they told me numerous times how lucky I was to have a dad like mine. My friends Tom and Shaun grew up with abusive parents, one physically abusive and the other mentally abusive. My friend David’s parents had already raised three kids and had other things on their mind. I had a high school girl friend that came from a split home and she felt emotionally insecure because of it.
What I recall most though is very few of my friends had parents as loving and as committed to their happiness as my parents were to mine. It made me feel sad for them. I was told by many friends that they wished they were adopted so they could have had parents like mine. I guess that really sums it up perfectly. Every child wants a loving two-parent home. With adoption, a child receives a two parent hom with parents who planned to have children at that particular point in their lives so adoptive parents are ready to their all to their children.
As an adopted child, if I could have picked a different life, I would have refused. If I could have picked different parents, I would have scoffed at such an idea. With two loving parents, it is no great shock most children feel lucky to be adopted. I was given an awesome life because my birth mother was strong enough to give me a better life. I will forever love her for that.
So, the next time you ask a child what it feels like to be adopted, you might just get a smile - a smile that will only begin to tell you they have a wonderful life. Sincerely, Scott Mars (Board President)
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