American Adoptions Message Board

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BOARD: Discussions for Women who are Pregnant » What About the Adoptive Family?

TOPIC: How does a mother of an adoptee feel?

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unprepared	Posted: Apr 13, 2006 01:05:33 PM it is nice to know i am not alone in thinking about doing this i just dont know if i can i know its selfish but i want my baby to know i loved it but how can i do that when its not around for me to tell or show im torn in two imy boyfriend and me jsut broke up and he dosnt even know if he wants to be in the childs life and i know i couldnt do it alone i just know got my own apartment and thats even with a roommate .im trying to deside what to do and its nice to know im not the only one who feels like a monster when i even think about it thank u for beeing outspoken with all of your feelings you all have givin me some more thoughts to think upon
Hopeful	Posted: Apr 01, 2006 06:21:53 PM I was adopted at birth. Now I'm 35 years old and hoping to adopt. My birthmother was 16 yrs old and I've known for as long as I can remember that I was adopted. I was raised to understand and believe in my heart that it was God's plan. I had as ideal of a childhood as you can have and I have always been grateful for my birthmother's choice. As an adult I now fully understand just how difficult her decision was and what her options were. I pray for each of you that are facing that decision now - I pray that the Lord will guide your decision and place peace in your heart to know that whatever you decide it is his plan. He promises to use all things for good and I have found that to be true in every aspect of my life when I trust in Him. God bless you and the trial you are going through. You are loved by so many.
Crystal	Posted: Mar 02, 2006 12:15:31 PM I have just finished reading these postings and my heart is so full. I am particularly touched by the comment of RocketGal that she had the thought "that she was a monster" for considering adoption for her child. To her and all those with similar feelings I'd like to try to express how I see you. (This may be tough to put into words.) My husband and I have tried for 10 yrs to have children. Over the last 10 yrs of trying lots of different fertility treatments we prayed that if God didn't want us to have children he would take the desire away. I can say through these years our desire has only gotten stronger. We believe He wants us to be parents and has lead us to adoption. To everyone considering adoption for your baby I just want you to know that you are supported and loved by people just like me. People you've never met before are praying for you. Our hearts are heavy just trying to imagine what you are going through. I just wanted to hopefully encourage RocketGal and others like her that you are the furthest thing from a monster in my eyes. You are selfless and you are a gift to me and others like me. What may seem like a difficult place now I believe God will turn into something beautiful. Hopefully, I haven't rampled too long but I wanted to let you know you are loved a lot!
RocketGal	Posted: Jan 25, 2006 09:59:55 PM Having just started the process to find the family for my baby, I have come to an understanding. At this time I have one three year old daughter. I had a lot of questions for myself, and felt like I was a monster for even considering adoption. But I after goign to see my Preacher about the matter, he's advice actually seems to be the best. Here it is : "No matter what decision you make. If you can make it with Peace in your heart. God will work in it no matter what." I honestly, feel that God has meant for me to give this baby to a family who's only problem was that they could not concieve. They deserve a baby, and I'm going to find the right family for this baby. It's not my baby it's theirs.
Patricia Sperber	Posted: Jan 18, 2006 05:02:18 PM I have to comment on this topic. We adopted our son Nicholas from American Adoptions March 2002. It was the absolute best experience we could have dreamed of. We met the birth family at the hospital and email to this day. As for how do I feel about my son, I could not imagine loving him any more than I already do. He is the BEST thing that has ever happened to us!! I consider his birthmother to be my HERO for being able to give him to us. She has no regrets. We are now getting ready to submit our paperwork for baby #2. Look for our profile in Feb. 2006. Please do not ever hesitate to question a parent's love for their adopted child... if anything sometimes I think it is more special because we have longed for a baby for so long. Best of luck to all!!
Nik	Posted: Dec 27, 2005 01:25:33 AM In Dec of 1987 I gave my son a better life. I miss you and I love you
Mauri	Posted: Jun 23, 2005 08:56:32 AM Hi, we are just becoming active with American Adoptions and I just wanted to comment on this discussion to tell you how thankful I am for kind, unselfish birth parents that give their baby up for adoption. My husband and I are unable to have children of our own and we want to have a family so much. You should know that your adoptive family will love your child with everything they have and will always thank you for giving such a gracious gift. I have learned so much about adoption and just think it is such a wonderful thing. Things happen for a reason and I pray for all birthmothers and birth fathers out there because I can't even imagine how hard it is to consider this. But just remember how many wonderful, waiting families there are out there that will love your child as much as you. Thanks.
La Trease	Posted: May 16, 2005 02:53:00 PM I just want to thank all of you for the things you said you make me feel so much better about what I am thinking about doing . I feel that my child would be better off with someone else I already have a 21 month old son that I have trouble careing for. So thank you for letting me know I'm not a monster that does not care about my child.
wendi	Posted: Mar 22, 2005 08:12:10 PM for all of the birthmothers, it is a very unselfish thing that you are doing when you give up a baby. you are giving that baby a chance at life with a family that will love and cherish it as their own. many of the families waiting to adopt have gone through years of grief and agony not being able to have children of their own in many instances and you have also given them a chance to have a better life.
Ariana	Posted: Mar 17, 2005 10:53:55 AM Hi my name is Ariana and I have one Child That I put Up for adoption because I was 14 at the time and could not Raise or Take care of Him. When I gave him up I cried alot but Also Knowing that I gave him a Better Life. I am still sad but I have Triplets now they are his Brothers and Sisters. They are all under a Year old but I send Pictures of them and He writes to me. He comes and sees me every 6 Months. I am lucky that he has me and he will never have to look for his Birth Mother He is 6 Years old now. It is Normal to be Sad but just know you are giving your child A loving Family and a Better life Ariana
Jo DeSantis Winter	Posted: Jan 12, 2005 08:51:12 AM In 1957, as God knows and my four children I raised...I adopted out through a Catholic agency in Long Beach my son Christian. I did consider abortion briefly and sadly because I am and always have been pro life. As writer i reached a lot of people. maybe saved a few lives. I pray so.

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What About My Responsibilities as the Father?

“This was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.”

Shawn, Birth Father

When it comes to dealing with an unexpected pregnancy, much of the compassion, sympathy and focus is placed on the woman. But what about the father?

As the father of the baby, you too are more than likely dealing with a rollercoaster of emotions. Much like the emotions being experienced by the mother, you are also likely to experience shock, denial, anger, sadness and other feelings. Many fathers express there is often a state of confusion on how to put into words what they are truly feeling. Much of the time feelings of embarrassment and a loss of control are expressed by the birth father.

However, many men also feel that by agreeing to place the baby for adoption that they are somehow not living up to their responsibilities, or are not being “man enough.” Many men also have a strong sense of pride and struggle accepting the fact that they cannot give their baby the life that an adoptive family can. Many find it difficult to understand the reasons the birth mother is choosing an adoption plan. Others incorrectly believe the birth mother is choosing adoption to get back at them if the relationship is not a friendly one. Many fear others are looking at them as somehow failing their child, family and friends, or that they are taking the “easy way out.”

No matter what your reasons are for struggling with an adoption decision for your child, the truth is that adoption is anything but the “easy way out,” nor is it a choice made by a man who is not living up to his responsibilities. Rather, it is very much the opposite. Supporting the adoption of your child is one of the most responsible, unselfish things a father can do. It is a choice that means you care so much for your child that you are willing to give them a better life than you and the birth mother can give them right now.

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American Adoptions Message Board

BOARD: Discussions for Women who are Pregnant » What About the Adoptive Family?TOPIC: How does a mother of an adoptee feel?

What About My Responsibilities as the Father?

BOARD: Discussions for Women who are Pregnant » What About the Adoptive Family?

TOPIC: How does a mother of an adoptee feel?