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BOARD: Topics of Interest for Adoptive Families » Other Topics for Adoptive Parents

TOPIC: fostercare is it realy all that its cracked up to be

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chandi	Posted: Aug 13, 2005 12:34:19 AM To the twelve year old girl. I hope that you consider adoption for your baby, because, I was adopted, and I found that my parents loved me so much because they wanted to have a baby really bad. There are lots of nice couple out there, who cannot have children, and may be more prepaired to raise your baby. Have you thought about open adoption? My prayers are with you
Vicky	Posted: Jun 30, 2005 08:23:50 PM I don't think that the foster care system is all that it should be. My brother and sister in law are foster parents. They have had a child with them for about 9 months now. She was only about 18 months when she came into our lives. Now it will not be lone before she goes back to her natural family. I know that she needs to know her real family, but we are truely the only ones she really knows. I just don't won't her to be messed up because of this whole ordeal.
Teri	Posted: Apr 04, 2005 04:26:22 PM This message is for Rachel. Foster care can be a very amazing thing depending on what position you are in. I am a foster parent who recently adopted our first child a 13 year old boy that we fostered. I would love to have an infant adoption or youngchild now. From a foster parent point of view it is very amazing and very trying at times and extremely rewarding. We tried for our whole marriage to have a child and were not able to and now we have a wonderful chance to be parents thanks to us being foster parents first. I wish you could have a good case worker who understood how you are trying to do right by your children. Good luck and if I could take those children to help you out I certainly would but it has to be done the right way so don't get too down. Keep trying to hang in there. And know that I will remember both you and your husband in my prayers and of course the children.
Anonymous	Posted: Mar 14, 2005 04:39:09 PM To the 12 yr old. You should really concider your options and what would be best for you and your unborn child. I am 20 and have two kids, but I got married and he gave me the help needed. Without it i would never have been able to take care of the one let alone two. It may seem hard, but look into adoption. Nothing is final in adoption till you give up your rights so keep an opened mind on it.
Terrie	Posted: Feb 28, 2005 12:26:26 PM I had great foster parents! I am not sure on the how great the system of foster care is especially in IA. As for the 12 yr old, best way to care for your baby is consider adoption and give both of you a chance to grow up.
shtyle	Posted: Feb 11, 2005 08:32:13 AM im only 12 yeras old and i want to know to all you young women how to take care of a baby because right now i m pregnate and im only 5 months
Rachel	Posted: Feb 01, 2005 07:09:07 PM we have just spent the last 10 days dealing with two beuteful boys and my husban and i could in no way care for them both so we asked for help from the forster care place to help us we where att the end of our rope and we where told that we where doing fine and not to get so upset with the ordeal we where told buy there homefinder that she had just spent the last few hours with there moter and she wanted to just go home and rest and not leason to us and or try to help in no way at all we then have to takethe baby to the hospital and he was naturaly sick and cameback home with us and we carered for him for 3 more days and steal no help till i got on the phone and beaged them to fine some help for us and like the hide behind paper they told me i had to give them 30 days notice i as beside my self and also my husbaned that just went with outsleep for two days then they found him a placement that was only to last a weekend and they told us we had to take him back no mater what well my husban and i kewn that we could not care for both it just had to be so we talked and prayed and said wewould like the boys to be togeather we dont want them to sufer so we made our calls and asked them to place him with his broter well low and behold they keep the baby at same place where lese till his condishion was better so the other family would notbe so over whelemed not is that what im to expect every time or im i just being to lead around like a cow now what are we too do she tells me she says well you know you nead to think about this it was a upseting thing for the babys to go throu and now look we have neather one of the boys an we are asked o drop out of the foster care program sined help us be a family

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What About My Responsibilities as the Father?

“This was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.”

Shawn, Birth Father

When it comes to dealing with an unexpected pregnancy, much of the compassion, sympathy and focus is placed on the woman. But what about the father?

As the father of the baby, you too are more than likely dealing with a rollercoaster of emotions. Much like the emotions being experienced by the mother, you are also likely to experience shock, denial, anger, sadness and other feelings. Many fathers express there is often a state of confusion on how to put into words what they are truly feeling. Much of the time feelings of embarrassment and a loss of control are expressed by the birth father.

However, many men also feel that by agreeing to place the baby for adoption that they are somehow not living up to their responsibilities, or are not being “man enough.” Many men also have a strong sense of pride and struggle accepting the fact that they cannot give their baby the life that an adoptive family can. Many find it difficult to understand the reasons the birth mother is choosing an adoption plan. Others incorrectly believe the birth mother is choosing adoption to get back at them if the relationship is not a friendly one. Many fear others are looking at them as somehow failing their child, family and friends, or that they are taking the “easy way out.”

No matter what your reasons are for struggling with an adoption decision for your child, the truth is that adoption is anything but the “easy way out,” nor is it a choice made by a man who is not living up to his responsibilities. Rather, it is very much the opposite. Supporting the adoption of your child is one of the most responsible, unselfish things a father can do. It is a choice that means you care so much for your child that you are willing to give them a better life than you and the birth mother can give them right now.

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American Adoptions Message Board

BOARD: Topics of Interest for Adoptive Families » Other Topics for Adoptive ParentsTOPIC: fostercare is it realy all that its cracked up to be

What About My Responsibilities as the Father?

BOARD: Topics of Interest for Adoptive Families » Other Topics for Adoptive Parents

TOPIC: fostercare is it realy all that its cracked up to be