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| Carol | Posted: Aug 24, 2007 12:21:37 PM
Jenn...I can't wait to see your adoption story online. I know that you have such a wonderful experience too. Nicole....I know that there are alot of factors that you can worry about when it comes to adoption. We were also worried about being out funds for a disruption because it was difficult for us to afford adoption to begin with let alone being out more money on a disruption. I don't know how often disruptions occur but alot of times they don't. My husband and I adopted our little girl through AA 5 months ago. From the first time in which we had a our first conference call to meeting the birthmother and her family at the hospital...it all went absolutely PERFECT!!! There is not one single thing that I can honestly say that I wish would have been different. And get this.....we just got $4,000 back from AA. Keep in mind that you set a "budget" which does mean that it might costs more but it could also cost less than what you even have set as your budget in your APQ. It turned out that once all the bills were paid for our bm that we still had that much left. So you never know how it will turn out for you. You've got to have faith and just focus on getting that child in your loving arms. As someone else mentioned, you do get like an $11,000 adoption tax credit and that will be a tremendous help once you get your little one!!
Good Luck!
Carol
| | Jenn | Posted: Aug 23, 2007 10:58:44 PM
Hi everyone! Wow, so many new people since I last checked in! Lisa, so glad your visit went well. I was just thinking of emailing you about it yesterday. You must be getting more and more excited by the day ... I don't blame you!! All is still crazy but well here. Hailey truly is growing by leaps and bounds and we're still calling her Super Baby. Everyone who meets her can't believe the things she can do until they see it. We joke that no one told her she couldn't, so she just does (stand up, take steps, roll over, etc.). The first time she stood up on her own was at a little more than 3 months. We were sitting on our bed after bathtime and we were working on situps (she loves those). As soon as she sat up, she just all of a sudden planted her feet between my legs and stood up. I just started yelling, "Holy crap!" and told my husband to run for the video camera. Now she does it all the time. She is such a miraculous little joy! We go for her 4 mth checkup this week. She should weigh in around 15 lbs or so ... I know, BIG. Some of her 6-9 mth sleepers are already getting snug. She'll be taller than me in no time! ;) I'm getting ready to finally send our story and a picture of Hailey into AA. We had such a wonderful experience, we couldn't not send our story in. Hang in there all you waiters ... it truly is worth the wait!
| | Kimanne | Posted: Aug 23, 2007 12:53:49 PM
Nicole - No problem. I know this was one of our major concerns as well. Somehow we were able to keep our budget the same but that's because the disrupted match was above our budget. We lost about 5k in the 3 month match (they spent 2k before we even accepted the match). AA is still waiting on 1 bill so we don't have a final tally yet. Good Luck! And, try not to think of having a possible disruption. We will all have our wanted families some day. - Kim
| | Susan | Posted: Aug 23, 2007 10:28:36 AM
Nicole, we lost $4,830. That was the most frustrating part of the disruption. We just consider it to be a charitable contribution and you can also apply it to the adoption tax credit as long as you have receipts. I haven't seen a breakdown of what we paid from American Adoptions yet, so I'm not sure what went where. That part is tough if you don't have money to replace it and have to lower your budget. We also lost our travel costs, but since we drove, it wasn't as much. And driving was a good choice because the car was packed full with the car seat, pack-n-play, suitcases, diapers, etc. The worst part was coming home, having to unpack all that stuff and not having the baby to go with it. We never saw the baby at the hospital, so that did make it easier. It felt like more of a concept than a reality.
| | AnnMarie | Posted: Aug 22, 2007 10:26:30 AM
Hello ladies. I'm brand new the the forum. I was reading a couple of the posts and Adrienne - congratulations!! What a wonderful ending to a very bumpy ride. I'm so happy to read your story and to know that everything worked out for all of you. My husband and I had a very similar experience with our first match and I could really relate to how you must have felt. The BM however did decide to parent the day we were to meet her and the baby. We hadn't gotten the privilege of ever meeting the BM or baby with our situation though. We also felt like failures and that maybe we weren't meant to parent. Although it was a really rough time, we have come to terms with the situation and our emotions and we are anxiously awaiting another match and pray the outcome will work out as we hope. Reading your story though, I was amazed at the similarity of emotions and feelings. It is difficult when you realize that the BM is also emotionally attached as well and the whole situation is very difficult for everyone involved. I wish all of you every happiness and much success and look forward to chatting and sharing stories. Have a wonderful day. ~Ann
| | NicoleS1974 | Posted: Aug 21, 2007 03:37:01 PM
KIMANNE:
Out of curiosity...but feel free to tell me to 'butt out'...how much did you lose with your disruption?
That is one of my husband and I's fears, that we will lose a bunch of money and then have to bring our match budget back down to a really low amount since we are putting every penny possible into our match budget.
Oh....so much to worry about...I know in the end it is all worth it, but right now it is just so unsettling.
| | Lisa | Posted: Aug 21, 2007 02:56:28 PM
Good Afternoon Ladies,
I tried to post a week or so ago, but I guess it didn't work. Sorry. The visit with our birth mother went great. She is wonderful. We are so lucky. We really hit it off and it didn't feel uncomfortable at all. Thank you for asking Whitney. How are you doing? I am so sorry that you still haven't received a call. I bet you are going to get a call soon and have a baby really quickly. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for the update Carol. I am so glad to hear that you are doing so well. I can't believe that your daughter is 5 months old. Time does fly. Has anyone heard from Jenn? I spoke to her a few weeks ago and she was doing great. Hailey is growing by leaps and bounds.
Welcome to all of the new ladies.
Have a great day!!!
| | kimanne | Posted: Aug 20, 2007 12:58:12 PM
Thanks all! I’m sorry to hear about more disruptions. I don’t have any advice on the airfare. Luckily we didn’t travel before the disruption because she had decided the week before that she didn’t want us there until right after birth and it was only just over a 5 hour drive. We are in the trad I and II programs with a pretty open APQ. It only took 5.5 weeks wait and then a 3 month match. We’ve only been active again since 7/31 but it just seems to take forever and I’m more anxious this time. And, we don’t have money to go on a vacation because of the loss of at-risk fees the last time. Aaghhh! Good Luck to All.
| | Carol | Posted: Aug 20, 2007 12:15:26 PM
Hi everyone!! I haven't posted in a long time but I've been checking in on the board to read all the post. I'm sorry to hear about all the disruptions and the "still waiting" couples. I know it must be very difficult on each of you. We waited 10 months for our little girl and she just turned 5 months old this week. Time seemed to drag on while we were in the waiting process but once we got "the call," time is flying by too fast. In spite of the disruptions, AA has a remarkable adoption rate. So, your little ones are out there. Just remember that everything has to happen in God's timing and not ours. Sometimes we get impatient but he knows when the time is right for all of you!
In regards to travel, I like Southwest too. They have very reasonable rates and I would only purchase one-way tickets. We were an 11 hour drive from our bm so it was actually faster for us to get into our car and drive instead of waiting on getting a flight. I think driving allows you to pack easier too because you have so much baby stuff that needs to go with you. I know our car was crammed full!!
Good luck to all of you.
Carol
| | Susan | Posted: Aug 20, 2007 10:35:38 AM
We were matched with a birth mother right before we went active with the agency. She changed her mind after having the baby and decided to parent. She's very young and just decided she couldn't go through with it. We are in all 3 programs and our APQ is completely open. We set our match budget at the most we could afford. It's hard having lost money when the match was disrupted though. We drove to our birth mother's location when we were called to go to the hospital, so I'm not sure about airline tickets either. I know that Southwest Airlines does not charge a change fee, so if you book with them and have to change the flight, you only pay the difference between the fares and not the extra $100 other airlines charge. It took about 5 months for us to complete our home study, training and all the paperwork required to be able to go active.
| | whitney | Posted: Aug 20, 2007 08:04:02 AM
Hello all! I hope everyone is doing well! There has not been much posting lately. Lisa - how did your visit go? Jen - we plan on taking our 3-year old daughter with us. My mom is going to go with us so she can watch Kaitlin while we are at the hospital. We have increased our budget and opened up even more on our APQ. We are getting over 20 showings a month but nothing yet. I can't afford not to work right now and they may be hurting us. Some birth families want a SAHM and some don't have a preference. At this point there is nothing we can really change or do but just wait and pray. We are almost at 17 months. We have been in Trad. 2 for 6 months but started in Trad. 1 in April 06. I never thought we would be one of the few who exceed the average waiting time. I am not sure about buying airline tickets as we drove for the first adoption.
| | jen114 | Posted: Aug 19, 2007 07:41:57 PM
Hi Again! I know it's been awhile since I've written. I've been trying to keep busy so I don't think about the wait. Having a 3 year old helps with the wait, but it's so hard sometimes. We just put a new crib together and we're getting the nursery together in hopes that our luck will change soon. We've been active for 4.5 months in the T2 program. We've made some changes that have increased our exposure a lot, but still no call. Whitney I understand how you wonder why you're not being chosen. I begin to wonder if it's because we have Abby. Which I would not change for anything and I wonder if it is because I am a stay at home mom. I've asked Megan and she's assures me all birthmoms are different in what they're looking for. I just say to myself, when the time is right in our lives it will happen. Some days it's easier to believe that than others. I figure it will happen when we least expect it. Abby is starting preschool in a few weeks and I'm wondering when we get the call what will we do with her. Do we take her with us or leave her with relatives? Anybody have any suggestions? I know this may be to soon, but I'm trying to look at all my options and see if anyone has had any experience with this? Have a good evening. I will keep all of you in my thoughts & prayers that we have matches soon!
| | Kristen | Posted: Aug 17, 2007 09:27:02 PM
Sorry to hear about the recent disruptions. I can relate. Keep your chins up. Our babies are out there and will be wiht us when the time is right. Does anyone know how to purchase airfare when the time comes since your coming home date is variable. Do you buy an open ended ticket or is it cheaper to buy a round trip ticket and pay the fee to change the return date once you know when that will be? I know I am getting ahead of myself, but it helps to keep the mind busy sorting out the issues. Thanks.
| | NicoleS1974 | Posted: Aug 17, 2007 07:43:46 PM
So sorry to hear about these disruptions!
It seems like there have been quite a few lately.
I wonder why!
How long were you on the list before getting your call that ended up in disruption?
What program were you in?
I've also noticed on the "new birthmothers" section in the 'available situations' that there is starting to get a wider variety of states that the birth mothers are in! (I just look out of curiosity) The increase in couples/more advertising money must really be paying off!
So that should be a good thing!!!
This whole waiting thing is so hard for someone who likes to be able to have some sort control over major life situations! *Like me*
And we aren't even OFFICIALLY on the waiting list yet!
(still waiting on our homestudy to come back!)
How long was everyone else waiting on paperwork before going 'active'?
More good luck to everyone on their wait times!
:)
| | Susan | Posted: Aug 14, 2007 06:26:38 PM
Kimanne, I know how you feel. We just had a failed match as well after waiting 2 months for the birth. We listed for all 3 programs to increase our exposure. It will happen for you, but being patient is the hardest part. Dealing with the failed match is extremely frustrating, but since it's out of our control, we just have to do the best we can to move on.
| | whitney | Posted: Aug 08, 2007 11:08:58 AM
Kimanne - sorry to hear about the disruption! That is my worst fear, and Adrienne almost had it happen to her. How long have you been waiting? What program are you in? I know it must be hard on you to have had 3 months looking forward to it.
| | Kimanne | Posted: Aug 07, 2007 12:31:02 PM
It's great to see this board getting activity. We just had a disrupted match last week so we are back in the waiting game. I'm much more nervous this time after being matched for 3 months and then the failed match literally less than 2 hours before she was induced. I hope to get to know you all. Hoping we all have short matches with success very soon!
| | whitney | Posted: Aug 03, 2007 08:57:54 AM
Thanks Theresa! I really wanted the baby by Christmas and I am afraid if we do not get the call soon, it will be next year. I wish all a speedy match. You start to wonder after 16 months and good showings every month, why you haven't been picked. I can't afford to be a stay at home mom which may be one strike against us, and some people want a sibling and some want a childless couple.
| | kath | Posted: Aug 01, 2007 08:21:15 PM
I was so happy to read, Adrienne, that your story has a happy ending. This is an emotional roller coaster -- the waiting and the hoping and then the times of discouragement. But it looks like it eventually does happen, so I am trying to hang in there.
Lisa, I am very happy that you are in a match. That is wonderful news! I also am in NJ in the Traditional II program and have waited nine months so far.
| | theresa2 | Posted: Aug 01, 2007 05:31:58 PM
Karen, as a matter of fact, our son is starting kindergarten this fall. I will keep in your info in mind and speak with his teacher once he starts school. That way she is aware of it before the last minute. We are in the Trad 2 program. Best of luck to you. Whitney... I hope that you get matched very soon.
| | karen | Posted: Aug 01, 2007 03:45:03 PM
Thanks so much DMP and Whitney. DMP, your advice makes a lot of sense. Perhaps instead of being in "wait" mode, I should focus more on the "live" mode!! Funny, that's normally my approach to life, but I lost sight of it-many thanks.
Whitney, we're in both Traditional I and Agency Assisted. You sound so buoyed still even after sixteen months. Did it take that long with your first? It sounds like you've definitely stayed in the mindset of living first and waiting second! Kudos to you!
Theresa2, I have a girlfriend who is a kindergarten teacher and she said that this has only happened to her once, but she simply worked it out with the parents by providing a set of lesson plans and informing her principal. Good luck!
| | whitney | Posted: Aug 01, 2007 10:49:47 AM
Welcome Karen! What program are you in? It will happen - I keep telling myself that for the second time. We adopted our daughter in 2004 after a 8 month wait and have been waiting 16 months for our second. It is worth the wait! I wish I coudl help Theresa, but our daughter is only 3 and will be travleling with us. I am taking my mother along to watch her while we are at the hospital. I am sure your son's teachers will work with you so he can come with you all.
| | theresa2 | Posted: Aug 01, 2007 09:31:56 AM
Hi everyone. I need some advice seeing this is our first adoption. Have any of you had to travel for the adoption with a child that is in school? If yes, how did you deal with them being out of school for a couple of weeks( homework and how was the teacher)? any advice that you can give me would be helpful. Hope everyone is have a wonderful day and best of luck to all of you in your adoption process.
| | DMP | Posted: Jul 31, 2007 09:06:31 PM
Karen - I read your message and just want to say "hang in there"!! If it is your dream to be a "mommy" and a "daddy" it will happen for you, too!!! I had a 'split second' of doubt during our wait to adopt our son - during that moment I realized that all of our attempts to have a child had met with failure (like you - it was "years") and I just found it impossible to imagine it would ever really happen for us. But that moment very quickly passed because we totally refused to give up hope; and we very strongly believe that 'life is short' and we have to make the most of every single day. SO - we focused simply on continuing to enjoy our lives, our families, our friends and believed in time we would be sharing our lives with our child, too. And here we are - with our beautiful 22mos old little boy that is the greatest joy we've ever known!! We were always happy before he came along - but he has enriched our lives in ways we could have never even imagined!
Your little angel is out there - it will be totally totally worth the wait!! While you're waiting it's a great time to rent movies (we joined Netflix) - have dinner at 'quiet' restaurants - sleep late - take leisurely shopping trips - did I mention sleep late?? - and do all those little things you enjoy and will be a little tougher to do once your little one comes along!! GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!
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American Adoptions, a private adoption agency founded on the belief that lives of children can be bettered through adoption, provides safe adoption services to children, birth parents and adoptive families by educating, supporting and coordinating necessary services for adoptions throughout the United States. For more information on American Adoptions please call 1-800-ADOPTION (236-7846).
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