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BOARD: Discussions for Women who are Pregnant » Couldn't Find Your Topic? Post a Message Here.
TOPIC: advice needed
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| lih | Posted: Sep 01, 2005 09:07:19 AM Becky, I'm so glad that you've been allowed to continue a relationship your grandchildren. My grandchildren were living with me when my X-daughter-in-law called the school and told officials to put the children on the bus to her house. It was the first time my speech-handicapped kindergarten granddaughter had ridden a school bus. FIVE BIGGER boys sitting behind my Kindergarten granddaughter. They told her to pull her pants down and laughed when she followed their orders. She pulled her slacks down and high school girls came to her rescue. I reported the incident to the school principal the following school day. They were taken into protective custody the following day, October 2, 2001. I have not visited with my grandchildren since October 6, 2001. It's SAD! MY ONLY GRANDCHILDREN have been adopted to a NON-BIOLOGICAL FAMILY! I called the DHS director's office to see what to do to get the kids returned to my house. She said, "Bring everything that belongs to your grandchildren to DHS and we'll dispose of them as we see fit." They will NOT give them to my grandchildren because of the NO CONTACT order. I still have their things at my house. I'll save them for them ... if they can survive these ordeals! The mother relinquished parenting rights in May 2002. During her trial, the jury was told that the father had already relinquished his parenting rights. His court date had not even been set. My grandson testified that his court appointed lawyer told him that his daddy NEVER wanted to see him again. He begged to come back to my house or to his home! Seven months later the father's trial began in another courtroom under another judge. Trial court removed the father's rights 'because he didn't move the children out SOONER!' Now, the same DA who had the juvenile case has been promoted into criminal court. She has filed three child abuse charges against the father. The trial is set for September 12, 2005. The DA wants him in jail for 30 years. I completed all documents to adopt my grandchildren, completed foster parent and adoptive parent training, have a BS degree in Education, many years of experience working with children, had four foster children and two birth children. DHS ordered the foster parents to submit paperwork to adopt the children. Our case file is brim full of lies. (1) We're full blood Kiowa Indian. (2) The grandmother visited her grandson in school. (3) The children's bones were broken. (4) The father smokes cigarettes in a hose in a pipe. (That's probably the Kiowa case.) (5) Two fictitious witnesses called DHS, (6) grandparents have THREE sons (they will not name them and nobody in the family knows them. (7) Children are doing wonderful ... grandson has already failed at least one grade in school. Adoptive parents changed ALL THREE names of the children at the age of EIGHT AND ELEVEN. They're being homeschooled now because it's so hard to get used to their new names. The adopted parents are 30 years old. My grandson will be 13 in 3-4 months. When the caseworker told the judge that the grandmother visited her grandson in school, the judge said, "You are NEVER to know what school your grandchildren attend! You are NEVER to send them a birthday card! You are NEVER to write them a letter! You are NEVER to contact them in any way!" When pictures of my grandchildren were brought in to show members of the jury, they were turned so that I could NOT see them. When my granddaughter was called to testify IN CLOSED CIRCUIT TV, the DA told the judge to dismiss the grandmother from the courtroom. There must be something really bad going on with my granddaughter. My son says she is skin and bones now. We don't know how many bones were broken in that foster home or how badly she's crippled from the ordeal. Their adoption was finalized in March 2004. When the father called DHS to see if they had Parenting Assistance Classes, he was told, "No! We don't have any such thing!" I called her back later that day and she confirmed that she had told the father to (1) Move out of the house, (2) Take the children with you and (3) Get a divorce OR you will be charged depriving the children! Becky, I hope you'll try to interact with all of your grandchildren. They'll remember your walks, your talks, your special things you do WITH them! Children are precious! I wish I could see my grandchildren. Their greatgrandmother has not seen them since September 2001. She's in a nursing home facility. When the children were living with me, they went with me to take her mail and groceries 2-3 times each week. It's HARD to deal with all of this! I KNOW the children are NOT doing good but have no money left to hire a lawyer. (The case has cost over $250,000.) So, I will be doing my own legal work. If you have suggestions, write to me. E-mail: lihmusic35@yahoo.com. | ||
| Dawna (Waiting Adoptive Mom) | Posted: Jun 18, 2005 10:14:52 PM Hi Meghan! I just wanted to acknowledge your message and request for feedback. I have two daughters just your age encouraging us to adopt a little one; we have had these "what if" conversations so many times! Their answer to my question of what would be right for them is "you have your entire life ahead, so many things to look forward to; are you ready to give up going out with friends at night, being able to be spontaneous, having freedom to raise a baby?" Their answer is always "no, mom. I would give it to you or find a mom and dad to love it as much as you love me." My heart just aches for your situation. I can tell you from a mom's point of view that having a child at your age will not be easy if you don't have a family/friend network to help you out. My girls know that we would be there for them, and would step in if they couldn't handle the situation. Raising a child alone is so very hard. No matter what your decision is, it will have consequences to both you and that sweet baby you are carrying, both good and not so good. As adults, which you certainly seem to be, we have to make decisions based on all those whose lives we touch and share. Often they are not the choices we would chose if we had noone else to consider. What is best for your little one now? Can you give all that is needed to raise a happy, healthy and secure child? What does your heart say? Have a heart to heart with another mom about what it would take and what you can give of time, attention and energy, then follow what your heart is telling you would be best. It is plain to see that you have enough courage and love for this baby to do whatever your heart is telling you would right for the baby. American Adoptions has so many sweet moms in your situation, and each of them answers email quickly. I hope you will at least chat with them about all you are going through. Sometimes bouncing our thoughts and feelings off another soul makes them clearer. It will all work out, sweetie. Email me if you need a mom to encourage you or a friend to just listen. Dawnad34@hotmail.com. Wishing you all the best. | ||
| becky | Posted: May 27, 2005 12:34:18 PM i want to know when i can try to contact my kids after the have been adopted . their ages are 14 yrboy,13yrboy ,5yrgirl. and if i have any chance that i could be involed with them now.if i was back on my feet good.i talk to the two oldest all the time but i have not heared from the baby. | ||
| meghan | Posted: Apr 10, 2005 06:24:36 PM Im 21 and looking into adoption for my unborn baby girl. Im still not 100% sure if i will go through with it though. I have been able to hear about birth mothers who are in highschool and around 16 and 17 years old, and being a grown woman and in the working world it is a little hard for me to take advice from someone younger than my little sister. Never the less I am trying to do the right thing for my baby and i need some advice from someone who is around my age and would like to know if there are any birth mother group meetings anywhere in northern va. thank you very much for reading my message I am truly greatful. | ||
