American Adoptions Message Board
Note to posters: The American Adoptions Forum is aimed at providing a fun, informative and supportive online community for waiting families, birth mothers, adoptees and others who are interested in chatting about adoption. Negative posts, including those aimed at any adoption agency or other posters, will not be tolerated and will be removed.
In an effort to reduce spam messages posted to the American Adoptions' message board, we now require that our members log in with a registered account to post messages. We thank you for helping make the American Adoptions' online message board community a better place for all!
| Messages are owned by the posters. American Adoptions are not responsible for their contents. |
| Posted By |
Message |
| Wendy | Posted: Mar 27, 2006 09:18:33 AM
April,
You have said it all! Thanks for writing that. I couldn't have put it all into words that way, but that is exactly how it feels!!
| | April | Posted: Mar 24, 2006 02:47:10 PM
Waiting, Worries, Wondering & the Wonderful Ending!
What an experience the adoption journey is for all of us waiting for our little one to come along. You remember as a child how long it seemed to be before Christmas would ever get here! It seemed like you were looking at the calendar everyday and marking off the days until December 25th. Starting the adoption journey you think wow! I could have a baby in less than a year! It seemed like such a short time that would be here in no time! A week goes by and then two and so on and you turn back into that child waiting for Christmas. You start marking off the days and looking at the calendar everyday but there is one difference, you don’t have a date that you are looking forward to. You have no idea when your baby will be here! There are so many things in life that we wait for such as birthdays, Holidays, etc. and they all have set dates of when they will happen. When your heart is waiting for this child to love and your feelings are on hold as it seems; your mind just can’t comprehend not having a set date when you are going to be able to express all of this love that you have bottled up inside that is just waiting to pour out!.
The worries that come along with all of it are overwhelming at times. Will a birthmother ever choose our family? Are we good enough to be picked? Will she see from our pictures how loving we are? Have I done all that I can to help her see that we are the family that she should pick for her baby? I’m wishing for someone to come along and give their baby up, is that wrong? When we are picked will everything go smooth? Will she change her mind after we have the baby in our arms? Is everything going to be ok?
There is the wondering of where will our baby come from? What will he/she look like? Will the baby be healthy? When will I get that call and where will I be? How long will we really have to wait? What will it be like to meet the birth mom? Will I make a good impression? Will I be strong when I have to take the baby from her? Will I be as supportive and there for her the best that I can?
The wonderful ending! Oh how sweet it will be when we have that precious baby in our arms and get to kiss his or her little soft face. The feeling that we will have when we rock our little angle to sleep and comfort him/her when they cry. The proud looks on our faces when we show our little miracle off to everyone that we can get to look and listen! Every moment of our lives from that time on will be forever changed and forever blessed! The waiting, worrying and wondering will all have seemed like such a short time after all. Just like that child waiting for Christmas to get here so they can have that one gift that they have waited for all year! We will finally have the one gift that we have waited so long for.
| | Doris | Posted: Mar 21, 2006 05:40:00 PM
Thank you all so much. I am so GRATEFUL for your prayers. I am continuing to pray for each of you also.
| | Heather | Posted: Mar 20, 2006 02:51:08 PM
Doris, Congratulations! That is wonderful, and I wish you the best of luck!
| | Heather B. | Posted: Mar 20, 2006 01:40:32 PM
Doris,
I am soooo thrilled for you!!! I will say an extra prayer for you and your child. Please stay in touch so we can celebrate with you.
Heather B.
| | Jenn | Posted: Mar 20, 2006 12:26:22 PM
Wow! CONGRATULATIONS Doris!! That is fantastic news! I understand it's not uncommon. I hear from everyone that the best way to get pregnant is to adopt (or try to).;)
| | Wendy | Posted: Mar 20, 2006 09:25:29 AM
Doris, Wow!! I guess to say that was a shock is probably an understatement!! : ) I noticed that your profile disappeared and figured you went inactive. For some reason I also had a feeling that you might have gotten pregnant. I am so happy for you! I am sure it has been quite an emotional ride, trying to become pregnant, giving up that dream for a new dream and now readjusting again. Maybe you are still supposed to adopt down the road somewhere. I don't know if it is this way for everyone or not, but since we decided to adopt I have no desire to be pregnant or have a biological child. I am really thankful that I feel this way and am glad I know for sure this is for us. Please keep in touch anyway!! I will keep you and your baby in my thoughts and prayers.
Heather B. This is terrible, but I almost forget what the agreement was like. I do know though that all the paperwork was a little overwhelming. I am so excited for when you all become active.
Wendy
| | Doris | Posted: Mar 17, 2006 07:12:32 PM
Hey girls! It's good to hear from you Heather B. The agreement is alot to comprehend. We have some BIG news!! On March 7th, I got the shock of my life, I found out I was PREGNANT!!! This was truly a miracle after 3 years of trying including fertility treatments. I am only about 5 wks and am praying that everything will go well. We are currently inactive with AA so our profile has been removed. It seemed so strange the first day that we were taken off after such a journey to get there. God apparently has different plans for us. I am continuing to pray for all of you and will monitor this site so that I can rejoice with your matches.
| | Heather B. | Posted: Mar 17, 2006 02:17:19 PM
Hello Girls,
So many new people to meet. Sean and I are going over the adoption agreement, it is sooo much to look at. Did anyone else feel a little overwhelmed by it? Wendy and Doris how is the wait going? I'm still praying for quick matches for your families. It has been so helpful to have women who have been in my position and give such awesome encouragement. You both will be wonderful mothers. You have been wonderful friends to someone you have only met through words. I feel such a connection to everyone on this chat. Thank you for the updates on your progress. I will let you know when there is progress for us.
Heather B.
| | Wendy | Posted: Mar 16, 2006 11:46:29 AM
Patty,
We were told that the average is 9-18 mo. I keep reminding myself that means some have waited longer than 18 mo. and am trying not to have expectations.
| | Patty | Posted: Mar 15, 2006 08:41:06 PM
Wendy, how long did they tell you the wait would be when you activated?
| | Wendy | Posted: Mar 15, 2006 11:42:38 AM
Patty,
That sounds like a great idea to have family come along to help out with your son. He is old enough that he will probably remember being a part of the process. That will be special to him as he gets older. We have been waiting for a match since March 23, 2005.
Wendy
| | Patty | Posted: Mar 14, 2006 09:30:51 PM
Hey girls, the question about the toddler... I asked Megan, the social worker that writes the newsletter articles about this too.. she posted my question and answer several weeks ago in the newsletter. We adopted our son 4 years ago from AA, so what should we do about going out of state when we get the "call", Megan said that we need to devote our time there to the birthmother and not to be chasing after our son, but my husband thinks we should take our son to be a part of this.. my son is very active so I am hesitant, so we decided to have my sister and her 10 year old daughter come with us. We offered to buy their plane tickets, they live in another state than we do, but it will help us with our son when we are busy with the birthmother at the hospital, she can walk him around the halls or whatever... but he will still be able to be a part of this live changing experience with us and to welcome his new sibling into our family. And with the sleepness nights at the hotel my sister can have our son sleep in their room so we do not disturb his sleep. I had to make sure my sister could committ to this since there will be no notice when it is time to fly... as we think it will be out of state since AA doesn't even advertise in our state, PA, because our adoption laws are not very good. GOOD LUCK!! p.s. back to one of my original questions in this chat... how long has everyone been activated? Just wondering how long you girls have been waiting?
| | mary | Posted: Mar 14, 2006 12:29:34 PM
Good question about the toddler. I have been wondering how we are going to swing the long distance travelling with our active child.
| | DP | Posted: Mar 14, 2006 12:21:01 PM
Hi Romney - We recently were placed with a baby and are finalizing in less than a month (yea!!); we were actually placed with this baby '2' times because the birth mother changed her mind after the birth and then again 11 weeks later. SO - the first time we had only three days notice before the birth and the second time we were holding the baby less than 48-hours later. We had NO time to prepare either time! I have two pieces of advice - first, it is really a personal decision as to what you both are comfortable with in preparing during the wait; we weren't that comfortable having too much done - although we had everything "planned" - room theme, paint colors picked out, etc. But in our situation, we wished we at least had the room painted and the furniture picked out, etc. When we came home with the baby (10 days later) we had so much to do - it was a little overwhelming; thankfully my mom came to help for a few weeks so it all worked out. If we had to do it all over again - we would have done more to prepare the baby's room ahead of time. There are enough other things to take care of when you get home - and of course you want to be with your little angel every second!! Good Luck to you and congratulations on being activated!
| | Jenn | Posted: Mar 14, 2006 11:17:24 AM
Hi Mary and Romney, welcome to the chat! Romney, I don't think it's too soon to paint at all. My husband and I started on our nursery over the Christmas holiday. We avoided it for so long b/c we were afraid of "jinxing it." Around Christmas we decided to take the "build it and they will come" approach instead. We then decided to launch our adoption journey on Jan 1. If I ever get my fingerprints accepted by the FBI we'll finally be activated! Our crib just recently came in and we're about to order our changing table. We also registered at Babies R Us this past weekend. As many people have already said, it's not "if" anymore but rather "when." We're not running out and buying everything at once, but we are gradually purchasing the items we'll need to take with us. You just never know when it will happen. My friend who adopted from AA had a unique situation, but she got "the call" and had to leave the next day! So it never hurts to be prepared in my opinion, plus it's a fun way to pass the wait time.
| | Romney | Posted: Mar 14, 2006 08:22:43 AM
Hi! I've really enjoyed reading everyone's posts. We just activated. And now our wait begins! We are so excited that we have these silly grins on our faces all the time. We started painting the baby's room this past weekend. Am I rushing things? Should I pace myself or is it better to be prepared right away? Has anyone adopted out of state and had to bring a toddler with them? Any advice?
Thank you and good luck to you all. I've read every profile and am cheering you on.
| | mary | Posted: Mar 13, 2006 07:49:51 PM
I have been dropping in on your conversations for some time, as my husband and I have been slowly progressing through the stages of getting activated with AA. It has been reassuring to read all of your positive messages these past few months. We were just recently activated and added to the families on the web today, so now the real wait begins. I look forward to chatting with you all as we try to pass the time waiting for a successful match. Thank you so much for the encouraging words and suggestions everyone!
| | Jenn | Posted: Mar 10, 2006 04:24:07 PM
What great responses! Thanks! It's great to hear about the experiences of those who have already been through this.
| | Amy | Posted: Mar 10, 2006 03:25:33 PM
Hi all
Jenn what great questions. Our amazing baby boy is taking his nap right now and it's hard to remember a time w/o him. Two years ago, when he was born, I sat is the hospital room next door to his birthmom and held him. Jerry and I never put him down, he would just go from my arms to his. I loved him immediately, but there was a strange, almost surreal feeling. Kind of like I was watching a movie or dreaming. I guess it was a little bit of shock...no, it was a lot of shock. I mean here you are, one day a childless couple of 10 years and the next day you are a mommy and daddy. My mind was like a protective big brother to my heart...protecting it from the axe that was certain to fall. But the axe never fell and I slowly allowed my heart to sing. And everyday the song gets louder...I am a Mommy...this is my son...what a glorious song it is and it is made sweeter by the challenges and heartache we endured...Just wait, your song will be just as beautiful.
| | Heather (Allison and Daniel's Mom) | Posted: Mar 09, 2006 09:40:01 PM
We found out about Daniel on Nov. 22, met his biological parents on Nov. 23 and met him on Nov. 24th - Thanksgiving. (I never would have thought our adoption would work that way.) It is a long story but to try to answer Jenn's question:
I started calling myself his mom the day I met him. He had some intense medical needs at first, so my heart went out to him immediately, but there was also some fear, questions, guardedness, etc. I sort of felt like I was in a play and it was a rather odd feeling - trying to embrace it totally, but not really having any time to prepare specifically. (We had about 2 years to prepare for adoption, just not knowing who and when...) I felt a little strange in front of the nurses - instantly becoming his parents and personalizing everything. He had been in the hospital for 10 days and Bio. parents had visited some and had just been in the day before us to say "Goodbye", etc. We just tried to embrace it and pray our way through each step. The bio.s signed off rights on the 23rd, we signed custody papers the following week. They had 30 days to change their minds. I sort knew he was our son, but also kept in mind that if they changed their mind, then God knew Daniel needed us for the time we were allowed to be in his life. During that time there was bonding and it continues as any relationship. The more you put into it, the more precious it becomes to you. That is more or less the same as it was for me with my first child too, who is biological. I would also add that when they start being soothed by you and recognize you and want you, that is super intense. :) I have found both biological bonding after birth and adoption bonding to be very similar. (IT was just strange having it happen all of a sudden and adjusting to that.) Does any of this make sense?
Sorry for the "Heather" confusion. I will try to specify myself by my children. Incase anyone is confused, I was the one to start this chat subject here.
| | Patty | Posted: Mar 09, 2006 11:50:12 AM
Jenn, we adopted our son 4 years ago, for some reason I never really worried about her changing her mind, it was in the back of my mind but not a huge worry. When you first see your baby you will have so many emotions, but make sure you show the birthmother alot of attention at the hospital too. As for the bond with the baby, I had a hard time, I felt so guilty about taking her baby... even though it was what she wanted and what was best for him... I think I felt that way for about a month, I just had this nagging feeling in my heart for her and what she gave up. I needed to let that feeling go in order to completely bond with my son. Sorry if this sounds terrible but I am just being brutally honest, No one knew I felt that way, it didn't even show, I was so happy from day one and love being his mom, I did fall in love with him the minute I saw him! You will too! I didn't know about this msg. board when I adopted my son, so this will be really helpful for those waiting for their first baby. Please ask me anything, as I stated in an earlier msg.. I love talking about my experience... it was PERFECT!
| | Jenn | Posted: Mar 09, 2006 10:19:36 AM
For those of you who have adopted before ... How are your children doing now? Still healthy? How long did it take to bond with your new baby? I can't imagine what it will feel like to become a parent literally in an instant -- it seems so surreal. I'm wondering what thoughts and emotions you went through as you finally got to what you had been waiting for. How pervasive was the fear that the birthmother might change her mind? Or, at one point did you feel comfortable that the baby was truly yours and she wouldn't change her mind?
| | Heather B. | Posted: Mar 08, 2006 12:44:13 PM
Hello girls,
Sean, Ryleigh, and I have finished our profile and were sent the activation agreement by email. It is so long, almost overwhelming. I have stopped putting deadlines for our process, it just disappoints me when the deadline passes. I agree with the Heather who started this topic, there are a lot of Heathers on here. To go with the baby stuff theme, Sean and I bought crib linens last week. A farm theme since Sean is a farmer. Our little girl has been telling everyone who will listen that she is going to be a big sister soon. I wanted her to be ready when the baby comes, but I am also leary because I don't want her to get disappointed if the wait is too long.
Talk to ya soon.
Heather B.
|
|
 |
Mission Statement:
American Adoptions, a private adoption agency founded on the belief that lives of children can be bettered through adoption, provides safe adoption services to children, birth parents and adoptive families by educating, supporting and coordinating necessary services for adoptions throughout the United States. For more information on American Adoptions please call 1-800-ADOPTION (236-7846).
|
|
|
|
|
