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BOARD: Topics of Interest for Adoptive Families » Other Topics for Adoptive Parents
TOPIC: Waiting couples wanting to chat continued...
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| Posted By | Message | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| Doris | Posted: Jan 19, 2006 11:11:31 AM Thanks!! It is so nice to be able to share with women who know exactly what I am feeling and how significant each step is. Heather B, I will be praying for your activation to be soon also. Wendy you are also in my prayers for a match. Doris | ||
| Heather B. | Posted: Jan 18, 2006 08:37:20 PM Doris, I'm sooooooo happy for you!!!! We are doing touch ups on our homestudy and hopefully won't be far behind. All the luck in the world. Heather B. | ||
| Wendy | Posted: Jan 18, 2006 11:50:54 AM Doris, Congratulations!! I am so excited for you!!!! Doesn't it feel great to be finished all of the paperwork for now? I know the waiting will probably be difficult at times, but at least it is official now : ) Wishing you a very short wait!! Wendy | ||
| Doris | Posted: Jan 17, 2006 07:40:43 PM Hey everyone! WE ARE OFFICIALLY ACTIVATED TODAY!!! YEAH!! They said our profile will be posted in 5-7 days. Can't wait to hear from everyone and how your progress is going. Doris | ||
| Doris | Posted: Jan 12, 2006 08:06:18 PM Congratulations, Heather B. We are about one week ahead of you. We just sent in our activation packet today. I had that same Christmas deadline in my head. I am trying to convince myself now that I can't set deadlines because it is so disappointing. This whole process is out of my control and it drives me crazy sometimes because I feel like I need to be doing something to make it happen. Patience has never been my best quality but I am definitely going to have to learn how to be. Hang in there everyone. It is so exciting hearing how everyone is progressing through the process and seeing people actually being matched. Doris | ||
| Heather B. | Posted: Jan 12, 2006 09:32:47 AM Hello everyone, Justin from AA is reviewing our homestudy as we speak!!! My Christmas deadline for activation has come and gone, but I still hope the activation will come in the near future. Did any of you seek assistance with the financial aspect of the adoption process, and if so who did you use? Heather B. | ||
| April | Posted: Jan 11, 2006 03:38:56 PM Thank you everyone for letting me know that I'm not the only one that obsesses over the adoption at times! I can say one thing about the Home Study it has helped me get into an AWESOME cleaning routine! HA! One thing that I was wondering about if any of you know is that we don't have a seperate room for the baby. We have her crib set up in our room with her rocking chair and a dresser for her clothes. We have plenty of space we just don't have an extra bedroom for her when she comes home. We were working with the Department of Children Service to adopt a baby through our state and they told us that it isn't a requirment to have a seperate bedroom for a baby because they won't need their own room until they are a little older. We are going to buy a house with extra bedrooms after the adoption is finalized. We don't want to move and then have to pay for another home study so that's why we are waiting to do that. Well, I am so excited for the day when I log on here and see that you guys have been matched! This will be fun to see everyone's progress! Hopefully I will be able to tell you that I have been matched in the near future! :) Please keep me updated on your progress and anything that is going on new with you! Talk to you soon! April | ||
| Doris | Posted: Jan 10, 2006 08:49:01 PM Hey everyone! It's great to hear from you Heather B and Wendy. I was wondering what was happening with you guys. Welcome April. I know how excited you are but like the others have said keeping busy is a must. If I don't I start obsessing over it. We had great news today. Justin from AA emailed and said that our homestudy has been reviewed and is complete. We will be getting our activation agreement by email within 24 hours. I am so excited. We should be activated soon. I'll let you know and you can check out our profile so you can put a face to a name. Some friends of ours just adopted an eight month old from China. They started the process over a year and a half ago. I can not even begin to tell you how happy I was for them. I know how hard it has been on them and I can actually understand some of what they have went through to get there. That is why I can't wait to hear as each one of you is matched. It is exciting to see that there is a baby at the end of this long hard journey. Hang in there and we all have to remember that it will happen for each of us. Doris | ||
| Wendy | Posted: Jan 10, 2006 09:34:19 AM April, Welcome to the forum. I just wanted to tell you that our homestudy visits were no big deal. In fact, we are having our update visit this coming Sat. and I am looking forward to seeing our social worker again. I think they just want to see that your house is relatively clean and that you have room for a child. I wouldn't do anymore than if you were having guests over. If you are concerned about child proofing things etc. just call and ask the social worker if there is anything specific that you need to have done. I have a child care business in my home, so of course everything is already child proof here, so I am not sure if that is an issue or not. Just relax and be yourselves. As far as obsessing about the adoption. - just try to stay busy. I have tried to focus on all the things I will want done when the baby gets here. My husband and I are trying to spend all the quality time together that we can. We know we will be glad we did later. Good luck with everything! Just remember that there is one child that is meant for you, no matter how long it takes. Keep talking to us : ) Love Wendy | ||
| Heather B. | Posted: Jan 09, 2006 02:31:44 PM April, I can really relate to your problem. I also have a biological child. She is 3 and we are unable to have more. I have had those same comments said to me and I have had the same hurt feelings over them. It is nice to know it did not just happen to me. Good luck with your homestudy. Heather B. | ||
| Heather B. | Posted: Jan 09, 2006 09:09:21 AM I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. I wanted to wish everyone a great start on the New year. May all of your hopes and dreams come true this year. Heather B. | ||
| April | Posted: Jan 04, 2006 10:31:27 PM Hello everyone! My name is April and my husband and I are on the waiting list with an agency and they have our portfolios to show to birthmothers as they contact the agency. Which is great because we haven't even had our home study yet. We are waiting for the social worker from the agency to contact us to come to our home. She should be coming within the next few weeks. We were so excited that we didn't have to have our home study done before being shown to birthmothers! I am just very nervous about the home study. I have all of the paperwork done (Thank goodness!) We put in our application and were accepted within a day and then we were able to send in our portfolios to start the search for our BM. We were put on the list on December 8th so our wait so far has been less than a month. Their waiting period is only 3-6 months. I just want to get the home study over with so that I can't stop worrying about it. It is so scary waiting and wondering will it really not take more than 6 months to bring our precious baby girl home. I can't get my mind off of it and I know I have to or I will drive myself crazy! :) I think it will be much better when the home study is done and I don't have to worry about that and I can just be waiting but not having anxiety about that. I really love that I found this chat room. It has really helped reading what you guys have to say and know that I am not alone. No one knows what you are feeling or what you are going through with this process. I have found that some people are so insensative and ask very rude questions or have rude comments. I try not to talk about it with some people now because it just makes me upset that people don't think about things before they say them. I have a 10 year old biological son from a previous marriage and my husband doesn't have any biological children. I almost died having my son when I was 18 years old and I have longed to have another baby for the last 10 years. I have had people comment to me "Well, at least you have one!" This puzzles me that people can't see how I feel and it makes feel like they are trying to say that I am not thankful for my wonderful son! Why can't you have a child and want more. Why do people look at you like your wrong for wanting to love another child. I have so much love to give and I would not trade my son for anything in the world! I don't want to replace him, I want to give him more! A sibling! Well, I think I got everything that I was feeling out! :) Sorry, I just haven't had anyone to talk to and like some others have said on here, my husband doesn't have the same parental longing that I have. He is very excited but I just can't wait! HA! I hope you guys will continue to chat on here. I really need you! Talk to you soon! April | ||
| Wendy | Posted: Dec 19, 2005 10:26:20 AM Autumn, Welcome to the forum! I am so sorry about the bad news you have gotten. I don't know if I really have any advice for you because only you and your husband can decide if adoption is right for you. I would however encourage you to give American Adoptions a call. My husband and I are currently active with American Adoptions and we have been very happy with the agency. They are so great about answering questions, discussing concerns and helping you decide if adoption is right for you. I will also tell you that will no one can tell you exactly when you will get a placement, a lot of couples do not wait two years and of course some probably do. I will tell you though that most of the couples I have been in contact with waited less than a year. A lot of it is wether or not you are open to different situations. Please let us know what you decide and we will be glad to continue to chat and give you support along the way. You will continue to be in my thoughts!! Wendy | ||
| Autumn Hale | Posted: Dec 16, 2005 11:57:48 AM Hello, My name is Autumn and I am very new to this discussion. My husband and I found out yesterday that he had a very low sperm count and they are saying a very small chance of pregnancy. We decided to think about our options and adoption is one of them. I just worry so much about having to wait for a child. We have had a molar pregnancy already and it took 2 years to recover. I don't know if I can make it another 2 years waiting for a child. Does anyone have any advice? | ||
| Doris | Posted: Dec 13, 2005 10:46:50 PM Congratulations, Heather B!!! That is so exciting. Hopefully we will be close behind. Our social worker had our report done on Nov 21 but it took the agency in MD over 2 1/2 weeks to review and send it to us. We sent it to American Adoptions for review before notarizing and they were awesome. They had it back in a couple of days. It is now back to our agency in MD to finalize. Hopefully they won't drag their feet. I am so happy we chose American Adoptions. They have always been so efficient through the various steps so far. Keep us informed Heather B. Doris | ||
| Heather B. | Posted: Dec 09, 2005 09:09:25 AM Our homestudy is on its way to AA!!!! One step closer to being active. Still hoping to be active by Christmas. Good Luck to you all and have a Merry Christmas. Heather B. | ||
| Wendy | Posted: Dec 07, 2005 09:56:59 PM Doris and Heather B., Just wanted to check in and see how you all are doing. Doris, We did have to use another homestudy agency. I am sorry, but I really don't remember how long things took for us. We took a really laid back approach to the whole process, because we were in the process of building our home and moving. We just took it all as it came and didn't really push anything through. One thing I can tell you about my experience with AA, they are great about response time. Hopefully things will move quickly. If you get a minute in the holiday rush -let me know how things are going for you both!! Wendy | ||
| Doris | Posted: Dec 01, 2005 05:52:26 PM Mauri, CONGRATULATIONS!! That is so exciting. Keep us posted. Thank you for your encouragement. I will let you all know when our profile is out there. Doris | ||
| Heather B. | Posted: Dec 01, 2005 02:44:58 PM Thank you everyone for the encouragement! It is wonderful to know others do understand the wait and occasional frustration. Good Luck Doris on the activation. Hopefully I won't be far behind. We are just waiting on the fingerprinting to come back on my husband. I'm hoping to be active by Christmas at the latest. Heather B. | ||
| Mauri | Posted: Dec 01, 2005 01:42:22 PM Hi girls, Doris, as I read your words I am reminded of how I was asking the same things at your stage-it seems to drag out forever! But it will all get done and you will be activated very soon. That is very exciting-since I started looking at this site a year ago there are so many new families on the website under 'waiting families' and many that are gone because they had successful matches. the turnover impresses me, so I know it will happen for you. Be patient and enjoy yourselves during your wait. Take a trip, just you and your husband-I really wish we would have done that right after we were activated. We are currently in a match-the birthmom is due tomorrow! ANd we actually got the call exactly 3 months ago that she had chosen us to be parents for her baby. It has been quite an emotional roller coaster, as they thought she could deliver as early as the end of October. where here we are Dec. 1st and no little girl yet! We are waiting on the edge of our seats. I think back to when this all started and I remember thinking how hard it was just to get activated, then you just sit and wait with nothing to do. find things to fill your mind with other than the waiting. Try to let go and enjoy life every day and don't get too overwhelmed with emotions. It is such a subjective process we are going through, but it will be worth it one day when you are holding your child in your arms. Doris, let us know when you become active-I love to review the profiles. I think they are great. Heather B. There are many things many people will say to you, the more people you tell what you are doing. I have gotten all kinds of stupid questions and remarks from people that are not educated on adoption and how it works. Most of my family didn't understand how it all works. I have enjoyed educating them and helping them understand why this happens. My sisters are both kind of snobbish and both of them have made bad comments or asked inappropriate questions during my match. I just stop them in their tracks when I say "This is how I will start my family, there is no other way". When they are reminded of the heartache I have already been through (that my husband and I cannot have our own biological children) they usually shut up. And I tell them that if there weren't wonderful birthmothers out there who do give up their child for adoption, then I would not be able to have any children at all. I really think that people like those that are making those comments to you do not have a clue what is all behind the miracle of adoption. Keep your chin up. They are probably just jealous that you get to be a part of something as wonderful as adoption. Take care all. You are in my prayers. Mauri | ||
| Doris | Posted: Nov 30, 2005 09:24:42 PM Hi, everybody. Thanks for sharing our joy. We do have our profile ready, we are just waiting for our agency in Maryland to finish reviewing our homestudy so that it can be sent to American Adoptions. I wasn't sure how long it took American Adoptions to review our homestudy. I was happily surprised to find out that it would only take them 48 hours to review it. They said if everything is there, then they will send out the activation packet. Wendy, did you have your homestudy done by someone else? If so, do you remember how long it took for the review? Enough about me, I really am interested in hearing about others' progress or were you are in the process. Heather B. - I am so sorry that people have been making those comments to you. Don't let them discourage you. Hang in there. Doris | ||
| Heather | Posted: Nov 30, 2005 09:17:47 PM Heather, There are books out there, there is a website I just can't recall at the moment, I'll have to get back to you. I have a few generic books on becoming a big sister that we really like and then I did puchase the one by Steven Curtis Chapman about foreign adoption. It isn't domestic, but I at least wanted something regarding adoption.... I am still looking too. :) Life is very busy here right now, but I will continue to try to check in. Keep righting and I am sure more will join this chat. :) IT IS A GREAT SUPPORT! Heather | ||
| Heather B. | Posted: Nov 28, 2005 02:42:42 PM Does anyone have any suggestions for books on adoption for siblings? I want to start preparing Ryleigh for the arrival of a sibling. All of the sibling books I have seen so far deal with me being pregnant. Also, does anyone have any suggestions for how to incorporate Ryleigh in the profile? Thanks, Heather Congrats Doris! | ||
| Wendy | Posted: Nov 28, 2005 02:07:13 PM Doris, I am so happy for you that things are moving forward. I will be excited for you when I see your profile online. Do you have all that finished already?? Heather B. I was going to let Heather respond to you because she also has one biological child. She however is very busy right now and hasn't been on the boards ver y much. I think it is rude of people to say things like that to you!! Just because you cannot have more biological children does not make any difference, you of course have room in your heart for more than one child. If that were the case then why would anyone biologically have more than one child?? I don't know if you will wait longer or not, but that is something you can talk to the people about at American Adoptions. I had some concerns about different things and they were very helpful. I would suggest that maybe you look through the profiles online and see what others put in their profile. I would suggest that you tell about things you currently do with your child, all about their personality and what they enjoy and how excited they are to be a sibling. But again definitely ask American Adoptions about anything you have questions about, they are always very helpful. Wendy | ||
