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BOARD: Topics of Interest for Adoptive Families » Other Topics for Adoptive Parents
TOPIC: Waiting couples wanting to chat continued...
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| Posted By | Message | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| Heather | Posted: Nov 25, 2005 10:29:15 PM Hello Heather B. I am the Heather who has started this chat. My husband and I have a 6 year old and are not able to have any more children either. It is okay to want more and to have a sibling for your child. Hang in there! Keep writing. You and Doris will LOVE going through this at similar stages. It is soo helpful to have someone else out there to talk to.! :) WE all learn from each others experiences. | ||
| Doris | Posted: Nov 21, 2005 06:36:10 PM Hi everybody. I wanted to share some of our exciting news this weekend. Our social worker had told us a week ago she would not be done with our homestudy until the first week in December. However, she called us last night and said that she was done. We were so excited. I am really looking forward to being activated and now it seems much more of a reality. We have friends who are adopting from China and they have been in the process for over a year and a half. They are going to be traveling anyday now to get their little girl. She gave me some great advice about waiting. She said that after they completed each big step in the process, they would celebrate by buying something for the baby. She said it was strange at first but then she really got into it. We don't have ultrasound pictures to look at but we can still celebrate as we move closer to having our baby. Welcome Heather. It is really nice to have someone in the same place as we are. I look forward to hearing more about your progress. Doris | ||
| Heather Belew | Posted: Nov 21, 2005 09:21:14 AM Hello everyone, My name is Heather B. My husband and I are completing our homestudy at this time. I understand your disappointment Doris. I have felt it so many times since May. We have a beautiful 3 year old daughter, but are unable to have more children. People can't understand why we want to adopt when we have her. It just deflates my spirit when people say that, we are so excitied. Good luck with your process and I hope we can talk, it sounds like we are similar in situation. Heather | ||
| Heather | Posted: Nov 19, 2005 09:04:23 PM After one year, well... really before one year is up, you need to start updating all of your clearances and your homestudy. AA is good about sending out a 90 day heads-up letter. It isn't too bad, but it really isn't the fun part either. I keep a file folder of all of our paperwork and clearances, so it helps us have a reference. Hopefully things will move quickly for you and you will not be one who needs to update any of it... ;) | ||
| Doris | Posted: Nov 18, 2005 08:44:15 PM Thanks Mauri. Did you have your home study done by American Adoptns? If not do you remember how long it took for them to review your homestudy and send out the activation packet? It is so nice to have you all to talk to. It does make me feel better. This weekend I have a baby shower to go to. I tell myself that I will be fine but it still bothers me. After being at a baby shower, I really start dwelling on the wait again. I know that we will have a baby at the right time but it is still really hard sometimes. I know you all are experiencing the same feelings as me. We all have our strong times and our weak times. It is nice to know that we can go through together. Thanks. This really helps me alot! Doris | ||
| Doris | Posted: Nov 17, 2005 10:05:43 PM Thanks for the tip Heather. I'm just curious, what do you have to update after one year? I hope it all goes quickly for you. Keep me updated. Talk later, Doris | ||
| Mauri | Posted: Nov 17, 2005 09:06:25 PM Hi Doris-welcome and I totally know where you are coming from. Just take it step by step and day by day. Try to let go of worrying about it and thinking about it-it can get obsessive! I remember we started our paperwork this past January and I was so overwhelmed with everything that we had to stop after a few weeks. Plus we were still getting answers on tests and surgeries we were having done to get answers for our infertility. But in May we got some clear direction on our chances of having children and decided immediately to pull the paperwork back out. All this is so overwhelming and I can't imagine going back and doing it all again. The paperwork never seems to end. Even when you are finally activated there is MORE paperwork. just keep in mind that you are doing all of this for a reason and you will look back someday and say every step was worth it. Keep talking about it to us-I know it makes me feel better to get it out. Take care, Mauri | ||
| Heather | Posted: Nov 17, 2005 03:11:03 PM Doris, Just a helpful hint that is working for us...Keep copies of all of your paperwork that you fill out and send in. It makes it easier to refer to and if you have to update later... Hang in there. | ||
| Doris | Posted: Nov 16, 2005 07:47:26 PM Hey Wendy, Thanks for your reply also. Men are definitely different from women. I have to keep reminding myself of that. You are right they definitely don't have the same parental instinct as we do. Sometimes I think it is hard for him because he really doesn't know what to say to make it better. We are with American Adoptions. They have been great. Our homestudy is being done by a different agency because we live in Maryland. Our social worker told us that there were three people on our street that she was doing homestudies for. It is so amazing to find out just how many people are adopting. This experience is helping me to learn to be patient. I have not always been very good at it. I know that all of the waiting will be worth it when our baby is in our arms. I have to stay focused on that when I get down. | ||
| Doris | Posted: Nov 16, 2005 06:04:50 PM Hi Heather, Thank you so much for your encouragement. You will be in our thoughts and prayers. I am so glad to have others to talk to who understand the feeling I am going through. | ||
| Heather | Posted: Nov 16, 2005 04:59:44 PM Hi Doris, We started our adoption process (looking for an agency and then all the paper work) in February and did not become active until the end of October. I felt like it took a really long time, but to me it was a relief to become active and have a Wait period that was out of my control. Now we are back in the paperwork phase and trying to update everything one year later. The emotions are like a rollarcoaster, some days it is hard and others are easier to keep yourself occupied. We love AA and are going on 13 months of waiting. We know there will be a match out there for us in time. We have many families that were matched a lot faster too. Hang in there. Heather | ||
| Wendy | Posted: Nov 14, 2005 07:48:15 PM Doris, Welcome! We always enjoy hearing from new people. I am sorry that you are having a hard time right now. For me it comes and goes. My husband and I have been "active" with American Adoptions for almost eight months now. I don't think men always feel the maternal instinct the way we do. For me the beginning of the waiting was much harder than now. After all the paperwork was finished at first I felt helpless, like I should be doing something - not just waiting. Now I just try to stay busy and know that we will get the child that is supposed to be in our home and we will wait for him/her no matter how long it takes. Are you using American Adoptions as your agency?? I have only wonderful things to say about them !! Everyone is so wonderful and helpful. I remember that our homestudy process lasted about three months longer than I would have liked it to also. Please keep in touch. Looking forward to talking with you more!! Wendy | ||
| Doris | Posted: Nov 13, 2005 07:29:27 PM Hi, I am new to the message board. I really want to talk to some ladies who are in the same boat as me. We are currently waiting for our homestudy to be finished. It is agonizing. Everything else is done so it seems particularly long. I just found out today from our social worker today that it will be the beginning of December before it is done. It was just so upsetting to me. My husband doens't seem to share my disappointment. He just keeps saying it is going to happen and we just have to wait. As a woman, I just can't let it go like that. I was just curious to know how others are dealing with the wait. I look forward to hearing from people who actually understand exactly what I am feeling. Thanks! :) | ||
| Heather | Posted: Nov 07, 2005 01:00:23 PM Just wanted to write a short note to let new viewers know, our chat is still going on and we have enjoyed it soooo much during our waiting period! I know that there are a few of us who still check in on this site, so if you want to chat - we are here. We are happy to chat with you here on this board too. It's great meeting and getting to know others who are also adopting through American Adoptions! Heather | ||
| Heather | Posted: Oct 19, 2005 09:09:07 PM Hi Kerri. There aren't as many regular posts being made here as there are on the chat site that Wendy was able to create for all of us, as long as you were or are currently active with American Adoptions. You can see her invitation to join in our chat on page three(near the end on page 8). I know Wendy and I still post here too it anyone does not want to join the other chat too. Heather | ||
| Heather | Posted: Oct 19, 2005 09:01:40 PM Laura, Thank you so much for writing to us! We all go through the highs and lows of the unknown. By getting to know other couples waiting it has been such a blessing! It gives you something to look forward to checking and you learn a lot. It's always nice to have the support of others who can relate to your situation and who are going through similar events. I enjoy hearing about all adoption stories, but because we are going through American Adoptions, it has been an extra blessing to have a group of people to talk to who are with the same agency! Keep in touch! Heather | ||
| Kerri | Posted: Oct 17, 2005 06:48:42 PM Hey Girls, Hope everyone is doing great! Laura, we adopted our precious Madison in July of 2004. Our wait was almost exactly nine months from the time I did my application on line with American Adoptions to when Madison was born. You can read our story under Adoption Stories... we also have our email address if you would like to chat with me. :) Just rest assured that God has the perfect baby for you and your husband......... it will truly be worth the wait!!! I would have waited 10 years for Madison! I truly know what you are going through.... you think everyday.... will this be the day??? When the day comes that you get the call that you are matched..... you truly forget how long you waited!!!! I am so excited for you all and can't wait to hear all the good news!!! Smiles, Kerri | ||
| Wendy | Posted: Oct 17, 2005 01:22:49 PM Laura, Welcome! I am so sorry that you are having a rough time. I don't know where you are in your waiting, but I found the first few weeks the most difficult. I had it on my mind constantly while doing all the paperwork and it was kind of hard to turn that off. Now I still go through my times of thinking about it to much, but just try to stay very busy. Some days I work myself to death, but figured if I have all this stuff done when our miracle happens I will be thankful. : ) I think you will really enjoy the group here, now matter where you are in the process it has been a lot of fun and very informative. Looking forward to learning to know you better! Wendy | ||
| Laura | Posted: Oct 15, 2005 04:27:07 PM Would love to talk to others who are waiting. I'm finding the waiting very stressful. Trying not to fret about it, but can't get it out of my mind. | ||
| Heather | Posted: Oct 04, 2005 08:10:44 PM Hello. I am updating the longest chat in this section so that we are located on page one again. We have had people chating since April of 2004. If you want to read it, it is currently located on page 3. (There are seven pages of conversations). We would love to get to know more people and continue our "wait" together. It has been a lot of fun and helpful. It's great to have others to check in on. Fondly, Heather | ||
