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| tina b | Posted: May 14, 2005 01:26:11 PM
this is some great advice, i am storing it in my files in my head to be used at a later date ;-)
| | Barbara Chewning | Posted: May 10, 2004 09:40:43 AM
Our hospital experience was awesome for all parties involved! The hospital we used was located in Overland Park, Kansas. Our birthmother was induced in the morning and my husband & I were able to sit with her all day and talk until it "was time". When the time came, the caseworker from AA was not there so I asked our birthmom if she wanted me to stay and she did! I was able to watch our son be born and cut the cord! My husband did wait just outside the delivery room. Like the person said in the other response, this woman is giving you her child, treat her like a queen & let her make some decisions. The hospital then let my husband & I have an empty hospital room for the night and we were able to have our son in the room with us. I didn't question this, I just thought the birthmom would want the baby with her to say her goodbyes. It ended up working out well and the staff was awesome & respectful of both parties! The following day our birthmom had signed off her rights to our son and I decided to let her have the baby with her in her room the 2nd night. We bought our birthmom a disposable camera so she could spend the night with the son she had given up and this way she could have pictures she had taken for later. The next day when we arrived at the hospital, we were able to take our birthmom's camera for developement and get her some "real food". When our birthmom was able to see how well we "nurtured" her, she was positive she made the "right" decision chosing us for parents to "nurture" her son. While talking with the hospital staff, they commented at what a great couple my husband & I were to have there & to work with. One nurse had commented that a previous adoptive mom was angry with the fact that the hospital "did have her name on the baby's bassinet". This adoptive mom had a hard time understanding that legally the baby was still the birthmom's child until the birthmom signs off. Once our birthmom signed off, the staff then changed the name on the bassinet. The nurses also made a special nametag for our son. It was so cute that I framed it and have it hanging in his bedroom now. This is a hard time for all parties involved because so many emotions are flowing. So, the moral of this story is to relax (yes, right, sure!) and go with the flow. Treat your birthmom like a queen as this is how she will remember you!
| | Cindy | Posted: Mar 16, 2004 06:33:46 AM
Hi,
I just read the previous response and had to write about our experience. In ways it was the same and in other ways it was much better! Our birthmom contacted us after she was already in the hospital and was 4cm dialated. We had an hour and a half drive to get to the hospital, so needless to say we threw our things in the car and drove as fast as we could, legally! When we got there, she had progressed to nine cm. and 39 minutes later, our beautiful son was born. Our birthmom was absolutely wonderful. She was nice enough to let my husband stay in the delivery room as well and he even got to cut the cord! Our birthmom did want to see the baby and she held him after I did. That was fine with us. We think that it is healthy for them to say their goodbyes if that is what they want. The hospital staff was wonderful and so accomodating to us. They let us have a room at the hospital and we were able to feed the baby in the nursery and take him to the room whenever we wanted. The birthmom went home a day before we did and she got a chance to feed him and hold him before she left. We were also in the room and offered to let her have some time alone but she said that was OK and we could stay in there. When she left, it was emotional, but not in a threatening or scary way. My advice to you is to let the birthmom be the boss and tell her so. They are going through so much and need to feel they have a little bit of control. I don't know how many times we told her this during these two days. It is healthy for them to get right in their mind what they are doing and feel OK about it. I'm not saying this was easy for us to be this way, but we knew it was necessary. You also have to be flexible. Treat them like a queen, get them flowers, go get them food, whatever they want. After all, they are giving you a precious gift! I wish you all the luck in your adoption. It is an emotional roller coaster, but is so worth it! We have adopted twice and they have both been great experiences! All the best to you.
Cindy
| | Julie | Posted: Feb 08, 2004 10:33:53 AM
Thank you ERika for your message about your experience. It has helped me get some insight on what to expect and helps prepare me more for the experience. Congratulations on your son! Thanks again.
Best Regards,
Julie
| | ERika | Posted: Feb 03, 2004 10:10:04 AM
As an Mother, who was able to not only be at all the doctors appointments, but also the labor and delivry; I have to say it was amazing. The birth Mother actually called me to bring her to the hospital when she went into labor. It was an beautiful experience, both of us, Mothers crying and hugging and encouraging each other. and than, out he came, so another teary eyed person crying in the room! I cut his cord, and handed him over to the nurses who in turn, asked the birth Mother if she wanted to hold him. *The hospital treated me terribly, rude, incosiderate, insensitive and unhelpful* She said no, and about 20 minutes later, him and I were brought into another room to bond for about 30 minutes. Needless to say there were more tears, but his little finger wrapped around my finger, and there was nothing but love. It makes me teary eyed tinking about it. The hospital however, still treated us horribly throughout, even going to the birth mother several times and asking her if she wanted to see her baby. Keep in mind this is AFTER she had told them before he was born, right after he was born and several other times, that she DID NOT want to see him. They even wheeled him into her room and said that it was healthier for him to be there with her. she was crying and called me and my attorneys stepped in. My son was born over a holiday, so the nurses got to really shine in their nastiness and disapproval of adoptions, especially white healthy babies, being adopted by single white Women.
anyway, I did not let any of that overshadow the amazing sense of pride and love that was born that day.
I would recommend to you that you and your attorney are up to speed on everything, that you have your court order *given to me about a month before he was born*, that your attorney has related concerns/issues with the birth mothers attorney, and FINALLY that the hospital has policies in place for handeling such sensitve issues. I did check all of these things, but being a holiday, there was NO supervision of the nurses. Your best bet though, it to enjoy the little time that you will have with your child, while they are in the hospital....while looking forward to getting that little one home!! Remember, one other thing....do not forget the other Mom, I paid for a private room for her, brought her flowers, and went to see her.
I hope some of this helps you....
Erika
| | Julie | Posted: Jan 21, 2004 04:31:07 PM
I was curious about what it was like for those adoptive parents who were able to be at the hospital and even in the delivery room when their birthmother went into labor. Any advice or insights on what to expect regarding this situation?
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American Adoptions, a private adoption agency founded on the belief that lives of children can be bettered through adoption, provides safe adoption services to children, birth parents and adoptive families by educating, supporting and coordinating necessary services for adoptions throughout the United States. For more information on American Adoptions please call 1-800-ADOPTION (236-7846).
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