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BOARD: Topics of Interest for Adoptive Families » Other Topics for Adoptive Parents
TOPIC: Waiting Couples Chat
| Messages are owned by the posters. American Adoptions are not responsible for their contents. | |||
| Posted By | Message | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| Jenn | Posted: Jan 04, 2007 08:27:04 PM Maggie, welcome! The home study is nothing to be worried about. It's just a formality for most people. You don't have to have the baby's room completed. They'll just look to make sure things are safe and you can adequately house and care for a child. Our social worker gave us a list of items we should do/be aware of. Every state is probably different but we made sure we had a fire extinguisher on both levels (although no one looked). I think our hot water heater was supposed to be set no higher than 123 degrees (not positive of that). They'll recommend child safety devices, although we had none in place b/c it was way too early for that. If anything isn't "right," they'll just make a recommendation to you. It's not really a test or anything like that. Some of the things I've mentioned are actually part of the auxilliary stuff in the home study -- fire safety inspection and health dept inspection (both required for a home study in our state). Hope this helps. And I agree that working on the baby's room during the wait is a great idea. That was our plan too. | ||
| Kerri | Posted: Jan 04, 2007 01:16:53 PM Jen T.- Where in FL will you be going? I am in Northern FL and would love to see you if you are up this way. I am so excited for you!! Kerri | ||
| Maggie | Posted: Jan 04, 2007 01:00:25 PM Hi, My name is Maggie. Steve and I are just starting our paperwork. I was wondering if someone can clue me in to what will be required or asked of us when we have our home study done. Do we need to have the baby's room set up? I was thinking that would be someting we could work on while we wait to be matched. | ||
| Whitney | Posted: Jan 04, 2007 09:34:58 AM Trish - I saw you inquired about things once there is a match so I thought I would share our first experience. With our first adoption we had about 4 months before delivery when we were matched. Our intitial conference call with the birth mother was hard and awkward partly because my husband and I are shy and because we did not know what to expect or say and neither did she and she was emotional. However we had a chance to meet with the birthmother in person and were SO nervous about it. But it went extremely well and it was so much easier to talk in person. It was really great to talk with her and answer questions. She even gave me flowers and clothes for the baby. That is all the contact we had before the birth. | ||
| JenT | Posted: Jan 03, 2007 02:22:47 PM Hi Trish – yes it is about 4 weeks away! We had one initial conference call and then got an opportunity to get to visit with her for dinner. I was really nervous ahead of time but it went really well and I am so glad that I got that opportunity. She is so sweet that we feel really lucky to have been chosen by her. For any of you that get a chance to meet ahead of time I would highly recommend it. I am a bit of a “talker” so there was not any awkward moments or anything. We are going to have to go between California & Florida so I am nervous about the flight home with a newborn but I have been told by everyone that newborns sleep so much that it should not be a big deal. I will keep you all posted…any news for anyone else? | ||
| Trish | Posted: Jan 03, 2007 10:46:39 AM Happy New Year to all of you! JenT, your birthmom is just a few weeks away from delivery now, right? If you're willing to share, I'd love to hear how the wait is once you are in a match. Have you had many conference calls? Was the conversation awkward at first? Did the birthmom have a lot of questions for you? Did you have a face to face visit? Do you have names picked out now? How far will you have to travel? I'm really excited for you, and I wish you all the best! | ||
| JenT | Posted: Jan 02, 2007 09:06:15 PM Hi Ladies!!!! Happy 2007..........I think this is going to be the year for all of us. I am hoping the holidays were a blast for everyone. | ||
| Jenn | Posted: Dec 28, 2006 10:30:43 AM Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone! Here's to hoping it IS a happy new year for all of us. Everyone deal with the inevitable "where's the baby" questions over the holiday? Our whole family was surprised and disappointed that we not only didn't have a baby this Christmas, but haven't even gotten the call. We did receive some baby items as Christmas gifts, which was actually kind of nice -- it made it feel less like a lifetime away. I'm definitely glad Christmas is behind us now. We keep thinking we HAVE to be getting close now. *fingers crossed* | ||
| Whitney | Posted: Dec 12, 2006 10:33:21 AM We were activated April 1, 2006 so we are close in wait times with you all. It has gone by quite fast. We were active about 9 months for our first adoption so I hope the second is soon. When it happens you will be glad it happened the way it did , wait and all. | ||
| Jenn | Posted: Dec 12, 2006 10:18:55 AM Trish, you are definitely not alone. We were activated April 4, 2006, so we're in just about the same boat. It is hard not to feel like the "bottom of the barrel" -- we've used those exact words. It is very difficult to not look at another week gone by as "4 to 7 birth mothers rejected us this week." But, we're trying to instead see it as every day is one day closer to getting the call. Even though everyone says it's not if but when, I think it's just difficult to truly believe that. Unlike most major events in our lives, this is so vague and open-ended. Usually you have something concrete to strive for and/or a finite timeframe for major events (wedding, new house, promotion, etc.), but this is so different and so outside our control. How could that be anything but difficult? And like you said, even though it's great that so many babies are being placed, it's equally disappointing that we're not the ones receiving those babies. By the way, if you haven't gotten a range of times that your profile is being shown and you want to know, ask your adoption specialist point blank. That's what I did. You have the right to know, if you want to. And thanks for the kind words on our profile!! Now if we could just get a birth mother to agree..... ;) As for the baseball tickets -- no, it's not the Keys. | ||
| JenT | Posted: Dec 11, 2006 06:38:11 PM Toni - congrats on getting all of your profile info submitted! I know that felt like a huge accomplishment for us. I don't think it took very long at all for them to get the 1st draft to us. | ||
| Trish | Posted: Dec 11, 2006 10:48:36 AM Jenn, I have had many of the same thoughts and concerns that you have. It is so nice to know I'm not alone in thinking these things. I was also trying to count the number of couples that have been active longer than Jim and I, and came up with less than 15 (we've been active since March 1, 2006). In a way, that is very encouraging, as it confirms AA's excellent placement statistics. On the other hand, I sometimes feel like we are at the bottom of the barrell of prospective adoptive parents. Our adoption specialist told us not to look at things like that, and not to worry about how many times per month our profile has been shown. It's nice that your specialist is actually giving you some real information. I didn't realize that they showed older profiles first, that is some comfort. I looked through your profile, and I think you guys have done a great job. I see a happy, loving and active couple eager to share their love with a baby. I agree with Wendy, I'm sure your wait will be coming to an end soon. By the way, in your profile you talk about living close to a minor league baseball stadium. Any chance your tickets are for the Keys? I get over that way quite often. Wendy, I am very surprised that you haven't been chosen yet as well. You seem to be a very sweet sensitive and caring person, which is what all of the birthmothers in the posted stories say they are looking for most of all. I'm certain that a birthmother will recoginze very soon how lucky her child will be to have you for a mother. I thank you for the encouragement that you have been posting for everyone here. I hope all of you enjoy the holiday season! | ||
| Jenn | Posted: Dec 11, 2006 09:26:13 AM The profile wait is not very long at all (although every day feels like forever) -- maybe two weeks tops. I remember it like it was yesterday, yet it also seems like ages ago. | ||
| Toni | Posted: Dec 08, 2006 10:43:27 AM Well, the ball is really rolling now, we sent in all of our information to be used in our profile, so once that is completed, we'll be officially waiting! It was a very different feeling to mail in that information versus mailing in everything for your homestudy. Everything just seems more real now! Can anyone tell me how long the wait usually is for the profile to be completed? I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday! | ||
| Jenn | Posted: Dec 07, 2006 09:27:45 AM Thanks for the encouragement! Wendy, I've looked at your profile too and am surprised that you haven't been chosen yet -- I thought that awhile ago. I keep thinking that it *has* to be soon b/c I think there are less than 20 couples on the website that have been on as long or longer than us (same would apply to you since you're one of them). And some of those may already be in a match -- can't tell. Based on the fact that the oldest profiles get shown first when there are a lot that match a situation, our chances have got to be getting better. I even found out that we're being shown in the 20-30 times/month range for the last couple months. The thing is that no matter how many times we're shown, the birth mom can still pick someone else, and so far they have. :( My husband is doing much better with the wait than I am. He just keeps saying that *our* baby -- the one that's meant for us -- hasn't been born yet. I know he's right, but I guess patience is not one of my virtues. LOL | ||
| Wendy | Posted: Dec 06, 2006 08:19:08 AM Jenn, We were really thinking we would have a baby for Christmas this year too! I have been trying to stay postive and be thankful/celebrate all the blessings I have and spend time with my family. I also think it is good to acknowledge the fact that it is hard, but I am trying not to dwell on it. I am trying to put my energy into doing things for others etc. I read through your profile and think it is exceptionally wonderful! It seems like sometimes families just wait longer than anyone anticipated and for no apparent reason. I really do think it will be soon for you all though. | ||
| JenT | Posted: Dec 05, 2006 01:42:33 PM Jenn - I completly understand your frustration. You just need to hang in there and realize that every day that goes by you are closer and closer to your dream. I don't think there is anything wrong with your profile! You and your husband look like a happy couple. I think a lot of this just has to do with timing and things that are beyond our control. It will happen...so just hold on and try to enjoy the holidays! | ||
| Jenn | Posted: Dec 05, 2006 11:17:46 AM Is everyone enjoying the holiday season? We're finding the wait very difficult at this time of the year. We put our Christmas tree up last night. Last year we thought for sure it would be the last time we'd be putting it up without a baby in the house.:( Yesterday marked 8 months for us in the T2 program. To say we're getting antsy is an understatement. We keep looking at our profile and wondering what's wrong with us so-to-speak. We decided to start a video last night for our future baby. We're going to document our adoption journey and tell him/her a little bit about his/her parents before the adoption. That was fun to start and at least makes us feel like it really is coming. It's just so hard not knowing when! | ||
| Megan | Posted: Nov 20, 2006 03:02:43 PM Congratulations JenT!! You must be thrilled with the wonderful news. The holidays will definitely help pass the time (hopefully) =) Will you have to travel out of state for the match? If you do, I have some tips for you. Please keep us posted! | ||
| JenT | Posted: Nov 15, 2006 04:08:23 PM Thanks Wendy & Jen...we don't know the gender yet but that is probably a good thing as it will keep me from shopping too much! We are supposed to be having a conference call in the next few weeks which we are looking forward to. Jenn....I cruise on the Rhine must have been so beautiful! My husband and I went to Europe on our honeymoon and loved it. I wish we had the time/money to go again. | ||
| Jenn | Posted: Nov 14, 2006 11:05:43 AM Congratulations, JenT! What wonderful news! No news here unfortunately. We just got back from our last vacation of the year and are ready to settle in for the holidays. We had a wonderful week on a Rhine river cruise but a chaotic start with airline problems galore. We would have liked to have stayed longer and seen even more, but it's also good to be home. :) | ||
| Wendy | Posted: Nov 13, 2006 11:56:56 AM JenT, That is awesome!! Lucky for you the holidays will help the time go by a lot faster. I am sure it still seems like forever. Any idea if you are having a boy or girl? I am so excited for you. Keep me posted! | ||
| JenT | Posted: Nov 10, 2006 04:07:52 PM Hi Megan and everyone else! We had a great Halloween and are getting ready for the holiday season. I know that the next few months are going to fly by. We were just matched with a potential birthmom that is due at the end of January. It is so strange how one day you "have not heard anything" and then the next you get the call. This part is a little more nerve racking for me then waiting to be match but we are just going to stay busy over the holdiay season and then see what happens. I hope everyone else is doing well and staying busy! | ||
| Megan | Posted: Nov 10, 2006 08:53:55 AM It's been pretty quite on here for a while. How was Halloween for everyone? Does anyone have any updates or news to share? I hope you all are doing great!! =) | ||
