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BOARD: Topics of Interest for Adoptive Families » Other Topics for Adoptive Parents
TOPIC: Waiting Couples Chat
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| Posted By | Message | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| Jenn | Posted: Oct 25, 2006 01:11:48 AM Thanks, Wendy! We decided to change that photo and to make quite a few text changes. We're getting a bit antsy. I had a friend review our profile and give me constructive criticism. I think it really helped to get an objective opinion, to ensure we're getting across what we're actually trying to say. Hopefully the changes will have a positive impact! In the meantime, we're off on another vacation again in a week and a half. We're going to do a river cruise in Europe, which once again gives us something good to look forward to in the absence of "the call." We have our own online travel site (sort of a hobby) so I tend to get more good deals in my inbox than we can take advantage of -- this was one we couldn't pass up so we decided to take our chances and go. Pray for a safe trip again please!! If nothing else, at least we should have some good pictures to use for our second adoption from the trips we've taken while waiting for this one!;) LOL | ||
| Wendy | Posted: Oct 24, 2006 05:58:03 PM Jenn, I just noticed the change to your main profile photo. It looks really good! I thought it looked great before though too. Good luck! | ||
| Colleen | Posted: Oct 18, 2006 09:13:55 AM Hi again! I think I have a lot of questions to answer - I'll try to answer them all! Kevin and I became active in May and were selected at the end of September - so we waited only 4 1/2 months. Our birth mother is due sometime in December/early January - we can't wait!!! We are already getting ready - we've ordered the baby's furniture and have everything we need to travel (pack&play with bassinet, car seat, stroller, newborn clothes and bottles). So it think we are ready! The birth family is in PA which is pretty local to us - we are in NJ! Our first conference call was this week with the birth parents and we feel so good about our match! They are truly wonderful and responsible people who only want the best for their baby and we know we can provide the life that they dream of for their child! So far so good! We get more and more excited every day! Jenn - I think your dog is beautiful and he looks so happy! I think it's very important to be up front about the pets that you have in your home. It reflects who you are and what your baby will grow up with. The right birth family will pick you!! The more up front you are in your profiles - the more the birth family can identify with you and your family! I think I hit all topics! I hope everyone is doing well. The holidays are coming - so I'm sure time will fly by for everyone!! All the best, Colleen | ||
| Jenn | Posted: Oct 17, 2006 11:59:47 PM Oops, in my last message I meant to comment on Jen M.'s profile as requested, rather than JenT.'s. Also, one other comment about our photo with the train garden ... My husband is wearing a baseball cap in that photo. Do you think that's okay for a front photo? I can't think of anyone else wearing a hat in their main photo. | ||
| Jenn | Posted: Oct 17, 2006 11:56:10 PM Thanks for your input, everyone! I think we are going to keep the photo with our dog but move it so that a different picture is in front. It's interesting that two of you mentioned the photo of us at the train garden. I wouldn't have thought to use it as our front photo but maybe now I will. Trish, here is my completely honest opinion ... I see no problem with the photo of the dogs because you can't necessarily tell that they are Rottweilers in the photo. However, I would reduce the caption under the photo and take out the name Cujo -- that could have a bad connotation given the movie. When I spoke to our adoption specialist about our dog, she also thought she was very pretty but thought that it couldn't hurt to move the picture from the front. I asked her if she had a statistic or a feeling on how many birth mothers prefer pets vs. don't want pets. She didn't have a statistic but felt that more either don't care or prefer them than those who flat out don't want them. She did, however, mention that one birth mother liked a couple but wound up not going with them because they had too many pets. Trish, this could *possibly* affect you since you have three dogs, but who knows -- I mean, this was only one birth mother that I know of. Jen T., I think your profile looks great -- very nice pics! As for how long we've been waiting ... it's been a bit over 6 mths now which isn't a really long time, but we are doing the T2 program so we're starting to get a bit antsy now. It doesn't help that our friends had their baby in 7 wks and their friends had theirs in about 4 months. Anyhoo ... we're re-evaluating our profile and making a few tweaks to try to improve it. My friend took a look at it and gave me some constructive criticism. Since we haven't been picked yet, I figure it can't hurt. And to whoever said the waiting gets harder the longer you wait, I agree. It's been a breeze up until recently but it's definitely getting more challenging now. | ||
| Megan | Posted: Oct 17, 2006 09:29:52 PM Hi Everyone! Sorry it's been so long since my last post but the past 2 weeks have been a blur. We now have our beautiful baby boy home with us! We were matched to a situation (intially outside of our APQ) a week after we were activated and he was born one week to the day after that. I so think you have to go with your gut, to your point Jen. We both had no second thoughts or reservations and felt in our hearts this was the child we were meant to have to we went for it. However, I have friends who have gone through AA and passed on 2 situations outside of their APQ and were still matched to their little one in 9 months. Kerri - to answer your question we live in the Tampa bay area and the picture was taken at Busch Gardens. Let know if you live close and we should get together sometime =) Colleen - CONGRATULATIONS! | ||
| Jen M. | Posted: Oct 17, 2006 02:12:01 PM Hi Everyone! It's been a while since I posted on here. It's nice to see that people are being matched. We got a call at the end of Sept. regarding a birthmom who was interested in us but didn't match our APQ. Unfortunately we had to pass. There were some things that we just didn't feel comfortable with. But now I think should we have taken that chance and how much longer will we be waiting. I mean, were we wrong to have passed on that situation??? I just hope AA doesn't get a negative feeling for us now. Anyways, regarding the dog pictures, I think they are great. As you should include your dog because they are part of the family. We have a dog too so I am a dog lover. If anyone is interested in looking at our profile we are under Dale & Jen. I could use some advice to see if we should change it or if it looks ok. Thanks! | ||
| Wendy | Posted: Oct 17, 2006 11:58:32 AM Colleen, I think it is so fabulous that you remembered to write and let everyone know you are matched. I know it probably gets really busy and exciting, but it helps other waiting couples so much. Jenn, I am not a dog lover, but your dog never really stood out to me. I know a lot of birthmom's like the adoptive family to have pets. Your dog could be one of the reasons someone would choose you all. I do agree though that the picture of you all with the trains is really cute. I think they could easily crop you all out of there for the main profile picture. I would definitely keep one of you all with your dog in your profile though. I really think your profile looks great and I don't think there is any reason that you all have not been chosen, except that it is not meant to be yet. I think there are always several couples that wait longer than anticipated for no know reason. How long have you been waiting? | ||
| Trish | Posted: Oct 17, 2006 11:37:35 AM Hi everyone! I've been taking a closer look at this website and was really glad to find this thread. The uncertainty of the adoption process can be nerve-racking, and its nice that we can share our thoughts and fears with others in the same situation. Jim and I have been active for over 7 months now, and I have to say that the wait gets a little tougher as time goes by. Jenn, I can completely relate to your question regarding your dog. I think he's adorable and my instinct is to say keep the photo. There are a lot of waiting couples with dogs, and birthmothers that love dogs. However, Jim and I have been having a very similar discussion regarding our dogs. We currently have 3, 2 of which are rottweilers. While WE know that they are extremely sweet and gentle, there is a lot of negative press out there about the breed, and we are afraid that might scare some birthmothers away. We included a photo of our dogs with our nephew to show how gentle and well behaved they are, but still we wonder. So I'd like to ask you (all of you out there) what you think. Do you think birthmothers might think is just a little to risky to place their baby in a home with rottweilers? Does our photo help any at all? Or should we just remove the section about our dogs and briefly mention them in our letter? On a different note, congrats Colleen! When is your birthmother due? Will you have far to travel? I can think of so many questions, I'd love to hear about your experiences. Good luck to all of you! | ||
| JenT | Posted: Oct 17, 2006 10:46:10 AM Jenn - I think your dog is cute and looks really soft :) but then I LOVE dogs so my opinion might be biased. I looked at your other pictures and really liked the one where you have a bunch of trains behind you. Maybe you could have them crop that one and use that for a while. But I would still include the picture with your dog because she is part of your family! | ||
| Jenn | Posted: Oct 16, 2006 12:04:44 PM Congratulations, Colleen!!:) You are very lucky! Nothing new here. We swapped out a couple of photos in our profile and all of our photos in our profile are now online. We spent an evening with our friend's adopted baby this weekend. I can't believe he'll be a year old next month! He's so cute and such a happy baby. Our friends adopted him through AA. Everytime we seem him though, it reminds us how much we can't wait for ours! We may be going away again in November. At least we'll have something to look forward to around the holidays. I just keep thinking that we must be getting close ... or at least closer. If you all wouldn't mind, would you give me your opinion on our dog? She's in our front photo (Daymond & Jenn). I know some people want dogs and some don't. We debated including her and ultimately went with our gut. But my friend brought up that perhaps some mothers think she looks scary since she has a wolf-like appearance. Do any of you think she looks scary? Please be honest - I really want to know if she does so we can change that photo if necessary. Thanks!! | ||
| Colleen | Posted: Oct 13, 2006 04:24:17 PM Hi everyone! It's been a while since I posted an update - but Kevin and I have been busy! We were matched with a birthmother 2 weeks ago!!! We waited just 4 1/2 months with the agency!! Things are going very smoothly and we are excited for our first conference call next week. The baby is due around the holidays - what a wonderful gift to receive! Hope everyone is doing well! Colleen | ||
| JenT | Posted: Oct 11, 2006 12:32:59 PM Hi Everyone! There has not been a lot of activity on this board so I thought I would post even though I don't have anything exciting going on :) We did have a great time on our vacation but now it is back to work and the daily routine...that is always hard to come back to. No news on the adoption front...what about everyone else? | ||
| Jenn | Posted: Sep 30, 2006 01:11:25 PM Dianne, Wow! I just read your story and ours certainly can't compare. You certainly went through A LOT! It's so wonderful that things turned out in the end for you and it sounds like the bad times are behind you.:) We are keeping the faith, and the holidays will come with or without our baby. I just said to my husband this morning that every day that passes is one day closer to our adoption ... we just don't know what day that is. We've been blessed in so many other ways, and I'm sure this situation will turn out for the best in due time. | ||
| Dianne | Posted: Sep 26, 2006 01:22:52 PM Jenn - Reading your post about the waiting brought tears to my eyes! It could have been me writing exactly what you did, this time last year!! But keep having faith - you will get that call; and if your little angel isn't with you this year for the holidays, chances are next year will certainly be "the year"!! Our adoption story is on the website (Dianne, Tom and Eric) - but our baby didn't spend his first Halloween, Thanksgiving or Christmas with us, so that makes us a little sad. But he is here with us now - and we wouldn't change a thing. And in spite of him not being with us last year, we made the most out of all the holidays and still had a wonderful year. We spoiled ourselves by buying an LCD TV for Christmas that we didn't need - and got "the" call on Christmas Day! We figured we had plenty of time to 'pay-off' the TV before we were placed with a baby - but we were so happy to be wrong!! And we are still paying-off the TV, too!! Oh - and we had a big New Year's Party planned that we had to cancel too because we were still waiting for ICPC to come home with the baby. So keep making plans - keep having fun - that call will come while you are busy thinking about and doing other things! And it will be wonderful!! Good Luck to you and keep hanging in there!! | ||
| Mandy | Posted: Sep 25, 2006 08:52:49 PM Hey everyone! Thanks for the warm welcome and helpful hints. Wendy-my husband and I are not in a huge rush to be matched (sure we would love it sooner than later, doesn't everyone?!) due to the fact that I just got started with a new job and can't use FMLA for awhile. I would love to stay home full time after getting a baby but the insurance we have is carried through my job so will have to work at least a couple days a week to keep this. Megan-the tips on paperwork are great! We weren't sure what order to do things in so we are getting started on the APQ and will just gradually work into the home study when we get all the necessary documents. We've almost gathered everything we need at this point. My dad has been in the hospital so the adoption stuff has kind of taken a back seat for a couple of weeks but we're excited to get the paperwork done. Hope to keep hearing from everyone..this has been a big help. Thanks again! | ||
| Kerri | Posted: Sep 22, 2006 05:57:39 PM Hey Megan, You all have a great profile........... do you happen to live in northern FL? Your main profile picture looks very familiar.......... I think that maybe we live in the same town. :) Wouldn't that be fun??? Congrats on getting your paperwork done! Have a great weekend! Smiles, Kerri | ||
| Megan | Posted: Sep 20, 2006 09:40:01 PM Hi Everyone! I'm so excited to announce we are finally activated! =) I know it probably seems a bit funny to be excited about this, but given how long it has seemed to take, it's a huge relief to know we are finallly "waiting". Jenn - I can empathize with you. It's so hard to wait for something you want so much. Hang in there and have faith that your baby will come to you, maybe not on your preferred timeframe, but he or she will get to you (hopefully sooner rather than later)! Mandy - helpful hints on the paperwork. Send in the FBI paperwork ASAP as this was the longest thing for us to get done. Don't stress about the home study, especially when it comes to cleaning the house. My husband had to talk me out of hiring someone to clean our because I thought it needed to be "perfect" and he was right, normal clean was fine. You may want to get fire extinguishers if you don't have any or a carbon monoxide detector (you can pick one up at Target for about $15) just to have all the safety bases covered. One thing I was not prepared for was when I was asked if we had any baby gear for the nursery. Luckily I had some clothes on hand since all my friends are having babies right now and I told her I had everything picked out for the nursery. Also you can do your profile and APQ while you are waiting for your homestudy to get scheduled. You may already know this, I didn't and ended up having our homestudy completed before we even had our APQ appointment! One last funny story...I recented changed jobs and have been getting to know my new boss better. We were talking about kids and he indicated that one of his daughters was adopted. And guess who he went through...American Adoptions! I was very relieved to actually know some one that had a success story, they waited about 9 months in the Traditional I program and after 1 failed match brought home their beautiful baby. So I hope everyone keeps their chins up and attitudes positive, because the baby fairy will visit us all! =) Take care. | ||
| Wendy | Posted: Sep 20, 2006 12:53:13 PM Jenn, If we do not have a baby by Christmas it is going to be a hard time of year for me too! I remember last year thinking surely we will have a child in our family next year this time. We along with the agency were very hopeful for this year and I guess it's not over yet. I keep reminding myself that things can change quickly and we could have a baby in a matter of days/weeks. Mandy, Welcome to the ride!! I wish you a smooth one! : ) I guess the only advice I would have is 1)expect anything!! and 2) don't set yourself up so that if you wait awhile/have a failed match that the world falls out from under you. Elson and I went into this very openminded about the wait and without certain expectations. Just having that frame of mind has made the waiting so much easier. I would also keep talking with others who understand the process it makes the time go so much faster. | ||
| JenT | Posted: Sep 19, 2006 04:09:00 PM Jenn I totally understand your frustration. I am sure all of us have felt those down moments during this process. I know that sometimes I feel like this will never actually happen :) But it will happen and you just need to have faith in that and try to enjoy this alone time with your husband. Hang in there!!! Mandy - good luck with the homestudy and all of the paperwork! | ||
| Mandy | Posted: Sep 17, 2006 06:08:50 PM Hey everyone! Not sure how many of you are still getting on this chat but thought I might join. My husband and I are just getting started with the paperwork and I have found everyone's stories encouraging. We are trying to get all of the documents together and then get the home study going. Any advice would be appreciated! | ||
| Jenn | Posted: Sep 16, 2006 02:25:05 PM We've now been waiting 5 1/2 months and we're Traditional II. The wait was going by very quickly up until recently. We've taken two great vacations so far this year to help with the waiting and it does work very well -- gives you something else to look forward to. But we're beginning to get a bit antsy now as the holidays loom virtually around the corner. Last year, we gave my parents a "Grandparents-to-Be" Christmas ornament to announce our adoption plans. Knowing that we were going the T2 route and knowing the estimated wait time to be 3-9 mths, and launching our adoption journey on Jan 1, we thought for sure we'd have our baby by this Christmas. Last year we said it would be our last Christmas as a couple, which we've said each yr for a number of years, but we really believed it last year. So for us, Christmastime will be the hardest part of the wait if we don't at least get the call by then. We have another vacation planned for Thanksgiving week if we don't get the call by then, but the waiting will still be tough by then. I haven't checked out the profiles in awhile, so I was just looking through them today. It seems there's a whole new crop of people online now. Although I'm happy for all of you who get chosen, I also can't help viewing all those profiles as "competition." We keep looking at our own and wondering why we haven't been picked. We did find out that one couple picked us as their favorite but didn't follow through. While that's a bit reassuring, it's still not "the call." I guess we all go through ups and downs in the waiting process. I just keep trying to remember that it's not if but when. Just hoping the when is soon!!!:) | ||
| Megan | Posted: Sep 09, 2006 12:29:04 PM Hi Ladies! We are still waiting to be activated, which I guess is an exercise in patience =) Our home study is done, APQ completed, still waiting on the profile edits so hopefully it won't be too much longer. JenT - Happy Anniversary!! Hope everyone has a great weekend. | ||
| JenT | Posted: Sep 06, 2006 03:09:30 PM Hi Ladies! Hope everyone had a great labor day weekend. Megan...have you been activated yet? I know how exciting it is to get to this point so congrats!!! We are getting ready to go on vacation for our anniversary so I am super excited about that. I can't believe that we have been active for almost 3 months...it has flown by. I hope everyone else is doing really well. | ||
