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12
Jun

What You Need to Know About Finding Birth Mothers Online

You can find anything on the internet (literally anything), including a woman looking to place her child for adoption. But you probably shouldn’t try.

Don’t get us wrong, there have been many successful adoptions facilitated online. But you could be setting yourself up for a scam.

To help make sure your adoption journey is a successful one, we’ve compiled a list of dos and don’ts of searching for expectant mothers online.

Don’t do it on your own

Let’s just address this right now. Because of the complexity and legalities of adoption, it is best to have an adoption professional involved in the process. They will make sure the adoption is legally sound and that all requirements have been met.  An adoption professional can also talk to a potential birth mother to make sure she isn’t trying to scam you and ensure that she is emotionally prepared for the adoption process through counseling services. Expectant mothers can rest easy knowing that adoptive parents working with an adoption professional have met all the necessary requirements, rather than feeling she needs to trust a couple she met online.

Working with a professional is safest for the birth mother, safest for you and safest for the baby.

Do share your story across various social media platforms

The more you share your story, the more people will see it. The more people who see it, the higher your chances of finding a woman who wants to place her child for adoption.

When sharing your story, you should be honest about who you are, don’t sugar coat things or exaggerate things in the hopes of making yourself seem more “appealing.” Pregnant women considering adoption can often see through this façade. Show your true self and you will find the child who was meant to be in your arms.

Don’t seek out birth mothers using hashtags, forums or support groups

Many hopeful adoptive families will “stalk” various forums, support groups or hashtags, looking for a woman considering adoption. They may then bombard her with uninvited offers to adopt her child. Besides being insensitive, this method is just plain creepy.

If a pregnant woman is specifically asking for adoptive families to reach out to her, then, by all means, do so. But don’t contact a woman who isn’t asking to be contacted. Instead, ask the admin of the forum or support group if you can post your story to the group. This way a potential birth mother can come to you if she thinks you might be the right fit for her child.

Do offer support to pregnant women who may want you to adopt their child

If a pregnant woman reaches out to you, be kind and courteous. Offer her your support without being judgmental of her current circumstances. Maybe suggest a support group she can join or an unplanned pregnancy hotline where she can ask questions and get information on the adoption process.

Don’t send money or gifts to a woman whose child you wish to adopt

Besides being illegal in many states, sending money directly to a pregnant woman whose child you wish to adopt could be part of scam. Many adoption scammers will act as though they want to place their child with you in the hopes that you will send them money. After doing so, many hopeful adoptive families never hear from the woman again.

If a pregnant woman asks you to send a money order, check, cash or any other form of money, please contact an adoption professional before proceeding.

The adoption process can be long and stressful. The last thing you want to do is add the stress of an adoption scam. Doing your due diligence in the beginning can save you headache and heartache in the future.

5
Jun

Is Your Adoption Agency the Right Fit for You?

Like any other professional you seek out, the first adoption agency or professional you choose to work with may not be the right fit for your family. Here are a few questions you should ask yourself to determine if you and your agency are a good fit for each other:

“Do our values align with the values of the agency?”

If your religious values are very important to you on this journey, you might want to consider using a religion-based adoption agency. If you are uncomfortable using an agency with no religious affiliation, there are many adoption agencies out there that cater specifically to Christian, Jewish, or Muslim adoptive families.

Maybe it isn’t the religious aspects that are important to you, but you do value the philanthropic aspects of an adoption agency. In this case you would want to find a non-profit agency or one that participates in other philanthropic endeavors like birth parent scholarships or 24-hour counseling services.  If your core values clash with those of the agency or professional, you may begin to lose faith in your agency, which can make the adoption journey that much more difficult.

“Are we willing to adjust our preferences to shorten our wait time?”

Every adoptive family that chooses to work with American Adoptions fills out an Adoption Planning Questionnaire, or APQ. The APQ lists all your preferences for your adoption from your budget to the desired race of your child. Those with less flexibility on their APQ tend to experience longer wait times while those with more flexibility tend to experience shorter wait times. We don’t want any of our families to wait any longer than necessary, so we encourage families to be more flexible in their APQ preferences.

Things that can shorten your wait time include: opening up to more races, expanding your medical history preferences, and increasing your overall adoption budget. If you are unwilling to make any changes to shorten your wait time, you may want to consider a different adoption professional or another type of adoption.

“What level of contact do we want to have with our agency?”

Depending on the size and location of your agency, it may not be feasible for you to have a sit-down meeting with your adoption specialist, so you may instead do your communicating via phone or email. Because American Adoptions is a national adoption agency that works with families across the country it is not often possible for our families to visit the office. Our adoption specialists communicate with families mainly via phone and email. If it is important for you to meet your adoption professional face-to-face, a smaller, local agency will probably be a better fit for you.

Are You Uncomfortable with Your Adoption Professional or Are You Uncomfortable with an Aspect of Adoption?

At the end of the day, you should feel as though you and your adoption professional “click.”

You should also feel comfortable with the aspects of the type of adoption that you’re pursuing, otherwise you might want to reconsider your family-building options. Prospective adoptive parents should feel comfortable with the idea of having a relationship with their child’s birth family if the expectant parents request an open adoption, as most do. Adoption requires adoptive parents to become comfortable with their child not looking like them, and to forego many of the traditional experiences of pregnancy and childbirth.

Is there something about the adoption professional that doesn’t feel right to you? Is there something about adoption that you haven’t quite been able to make peace with?

Deciding whether or not to pursue adoption or a particular adoption professional is a major decision and demands introspection and honesty.

Is adoption right for you?

Are you and this adoption professional a good fit for each other?

2
Jun

Adoption Shaming

With the power of social media, parents are able to share every aspect of their lives with the click of a button. You can share cute photos of your children, parenting hacks, or stories of your daily life. It’s a great way to keep family and friends up-to-date on your life, but it has also opened the door for a troubling new trend: parent shaming.

As peoples’ lives have become public via social media, other parents, friends, relatives and even strangers have taken to shaming parents for the choices they make in raising their kids. From breastfeeding vs. formula feeding to private vs. public school and everything in between.

Unfortunately, for those in the adoption community, it doesn’t stop there. Lately, we’ve heard from several of our adoptive families that have experienced adoption shaming. We’ve heard stories of families being criticized for not trying IVF or other fertility treatments. We’ve heard of families being shamed for adopting from foster care or internationally, or for adopting domestically. We’ve even heard from families who were criticized for adopting a child outside their race or ethnicity.

At American Adoptions, we believe there is no “right” way to build a family; and it’s time we stop shaming others for the way they become parents.

One of the most beautiful things about the human race is that no two beings are the same. We are all free to think different thoughts and make different decisions. And yes, we are also free to make judgements toward others. But where is the good in that? Who is it helping?

Dealing with the Haters

For those of you who have been a victim of adoption shaming here is our advice for handling the negativity.

  1. Think before you respond

Before you hit send on that ranting reply, take a minute to think about what you’re saying. It’s all too easy to respond to the haters by shaming them for their own parenting/adoption decisions. But this just turns into a vicious circle of shaming.  Instead, take a moment to calm down before responding. Take this opportunity to support their parenting decisions, even if you don’t entirely agree with them.

  1. Respond…with kindness

Thank them for their input/concern/advice. Tell him or her that you are glad that option worked for them, but that’s not what was best for your family.

  1. Educate

In some cases, adoption shaming stems from a lack of knowledge. Maybe your well-intentioned family doesn’t realize the high cost of the fertility treatments they are suggesting. Our best advice for these situations is to share the realities of fertility treatments. If possible, let them know that these treatments aren’t the best option for everyone.

  1. Tell them to butt out

In a nice way, of course. The truth of the matter is that the reasons you chose to grow your family the way you did is no one’s business but your own. If you’re not comfortable broaching the topic, or if they’re just being rude, it’s ok to tell them you’d rather not talk about it.

Stopping the Trend

To stop adoption shaming, you have to start with yourself. If you find yourself being critical of another parent, take a minute to remember that they are coming from a different place than you are. Their journey to adoption was different than yours. They may have different values, priorities or preferences than you.

Remember, there is no “right” way to become parents. And it is never your place to tell another adoptive family that they are doing it “wrong”. Instead, be supportive of other families and reassure them that they are doing the best they can. We’re all on a journey and we can use all the support we can get.

Share to help stop the hate within the adoption community, and promote supportive attitudes!

22
May

The 6 Most Annoying Things Waiting Adoptive Parents Hear

1. “I could never give up my child.”


Adopted children are not “given up,” they are placed with adoptive families in an act of unending love from their birth parents.
A birth mother may not have a safe environment to raise a child, or she may not be financially able to provide for her child in the way she would like. Whatever her reasoning, it is a decision that takes strength and courage. Unless you’ve been in her shoes, keep your judgements to yourself.

2. “Will you love a child that isn’t yours?”


Biology is the least of what makes someone a parent. Love is what makes someone a parent.
Once you adopt a child, he or she will be your own in every way. There is no distinguishing between the love of a biological parent and an adoptive parent, both are fierce and unending. To suggest that an adoptive parent’s love will be anything less is simply rude.

3. “What if the child has issues?”


This question is completely insensitive and downright hurtful.
It is wrong to assume that adopted children will be ill or cause problems. And the truth of the matter is that any child (biological or adopted) can face any number of issues in their life. Should the child have any sort of health issue, that will be for the parents to handle in their own way, just as you would handle your child’s illness.

4. “OMG it is taking forever!”


Waiting adoptive parents don’t need a reminder of how long they process is taking. If the process seems long to you, it seems 1,000 times longer to an adoptive parent.
Adoptive families have no control over the process, and they especially have no control over how long they wait. Most adoptive families will do anything to take their mind off of the waiting and the last thing they need is for you to bring it up.

5. “Why can’t you have your own baby?”

There are many reasons for choosing adoption and infertility is only one of those reasons. In fact, adoption may be the first choice for some couples.
Not only is it insensitive to assume a couple is having fertility issues, but for those experiencing it, infertility is generally a very sensitive topic. Adoption is not a consolation prize. Not to mention the implication of the phrase “your own.”

6. “Why don’t you just adopt from ~insert country here~”


International adoption isn’t for everyone. Maybe it’s due to finances, maybe it’s a personal preference. Either way, it’s not your place to question their choices.

5
May

5 Photo Tips for Your Adoption Profile

It can be easy to feel overwhelmed when selecting photos for your adoption profile. They are likely the first impression you will make on prospective birth parents in addition to a professional video profile, and they may be your first opportunity to prove that you would make a great adoptive family.

Choosing the right photos can help draw expectant mothers to your profile, but knowing which pictures to choose can be difficult. As you begin looking through photos for your profile, keep these helpful suggestions in mind.

  1. Keep them current. Old photos represent priceless memories, but your adoptive family profile should showcase who you are now. Using current photos will help potential birth parents visualize your life as it is today — the life you would provide to their child. If you already have children in your family, it is especially important to use current photos. Children often change very quickly, and your child may look very different than they did even a year ago. Try to use photos from within the past two to three years, and stay even more current when using photos of children.
  2. Include a wide variety. Your profile should showcase your individual strengths, personalities and interests, as well as your interactions with your spouse, children, other family members and friends. With the right photos, your profile can help birth parents imagine how you would interact with their child. Include a wide selection of pictures that show you doing a variety of activities with different combinations of people.
  3. Capture genuine moments. While it can be tempting to take your camera out for an all-at-once photo shoot, try to avoid taking all of your profile pictures at one time. You don’t want to be wearing the same clothes in all of your photos, and the best profiles include a variety of “action shots” — everyday moments that are real, relaxed and not posed. It may be a good idea to take some posed portraits of each of you individually, you and your spouse together and a few family portraits, but you should also include a variety of photos that capture your family in action.
  4. Use high-quality photos. Your photos do not have to be professional quality, but when possible, you should avoid using photos that are blurry, dark or otherwise hard to see. Better quality photos make a good impression and can enhance your profile.
  5. Make sure faces are visible. That shot of your family’s feet with a pair of baby booties is cute, but photos that show your faces are more inviting and help tell a better story. Especially when you have a limited amount of space to showcase your family, it is important for birth parents to be able to see your faces and get to know you. In addition, avoid using photos that obscure your faces with shadows, sunglasses or hats. Try to use photos that capture your personality and showcase emotion.

Your adoptive family profile is a great opportunity to make a positive first impression. Using the right photos can help prospective birth parents get to know you and showcase all of the wonderful things that make your family unique.

2
May

How to Make an Adoption Memory Book

You’ve probably heard of a baby book — that special blend of scrapbook and journal that allows parents to document every important step of their child’s first year or so of life. It’s a great idea, and they’re available for purchase at a variety of stores and, of course, all over the internet.

The problem with baby books, though, is that they don’t often include space for moments that are special to adoption. Adoption is no less special than growing your family the “traditional” way, and you deserve to commemorate the experience just as you would the birth of a biological child.

There are a few places to buy adoption memory books, or adoption “lifebooks.” But at American Adoptions, we occasionally like to get crafty; why not make your own? One of the special things about adoption is that the experience can vary so much from family to family. Creating your own adoption memory book allows you to tailor it to your own child. Plus, it’s a fun little project!

If you decide to create your own adoption memory book, here are some steps of the adoption process (chapters, if you will) you may want to include.

Before adoption. Start with some photos of your family before the adoption process. Write about why you decided to pursue adoption. You’ll want to keep the text simple, so your child will be able to go through and appreciate it as soon as he or she is old enough to read. For example, if you struggled with infertility, try something like: “Mommy and Daddy wanted you so much for such a long time, but nothing we tried was working. And then we decided to search for you through adoption.”

Meeting the birth parents. This one depends on your relationship with your child’s birth parents, of course. If you were able to meet them before placement, include any photos or memories you have from that time period. If not, see if you can get photos of the birth parents to include in this section. Talk about them as much as you feel comfortable. Write about how much they loved your child — enough to make sure they placed him or her with the right family, which was yours!

Hospital visit. If you were able to be there for your child’s birth, you’ll definitely want to include this in the adoption memory book. Use photos from the hospital, not only of you and your child, but of the birth parents as well. Include any special memories. Maybe there was a nurse that really went above and beyond, or maybe your child got to spend a few precious minutes with his or her biological mom right after birth.

After placement. This section should include all of the excitement you encountered when bringing your baby home. You might want to add photos of extended family members and friends meeting your child; you probably weren’t the only ones excited about his or her arrival! If you have older children, pictures of them meeting their new sibling are a must.

Finalization hearing. If you brought a camera along to the court hearing that finalized your child’s adoption, this is a great opportunity to showcase those pictures. “This is when you officially became stuck with us, kid!”

Birth parent relationship. If you have an open adoption, you’ll want to continue to include birth parent memories. Maybe this is photos of visits after placement, or maybe it’s snippets of letters or emails. If your child has other biological siblings, try to make sure they’re included as well.

At this point, your book is probably completely full.  You now have a story that documents all phases of your child’s adoption, and all of the important people in his or her life. As you continue to take pictures and keep memories from his or her childhood, try to continue to include your child’s birth parents whenever possible. They don’t suddenly stop being important after placement; this is a relationship that will continue to enrich your child’s life as he or she grows. Remember, the more people that love your kid, the better!

7
Apr

How to Throw an Adoption Shower

Adding a new member to the family is always a reason to celebrate, no matter how you’re going about it. Gaining a new family member though adoption is just as significant as having a child biologically. However, there are obviously going to be some differences in how you prepare for the arrival of that child. One of these differences comes in the form of a baby shower.

When should we have an adoption shower?

When a couple has a child biologically, they may have a better idea of what to expect than parents pursuing an adoption. With this in mind, it may be better to have an adoption shower after a child has been placed with a family. Why? Well, there are actually a few reasons.

  • In many adoption scenarios, the parents don’t know when they’ll receive an adoption opportunity. It could take days, and it could take months. If a couple is already anxiously awaiting an adoption, it could be painful to have an adoption shower and then have to wait six more months for a match.
  • For a traditional baby shower, you can usually bank on the parents needing similar items — diapers, carriers, cribs, etc. In an adoption scenario, though, it’s possible that the child will be older and will require different items.
  • While American Adoptions does everything it can to prevent an adoption disruption, it’s possible that an adoption won’t go through after a couple has been matched with a pregnant woman. If you’ve already had an adoption shower with a specific child in mind, and then that woman decides to parent, this might only serve to make your disappointment even worse.

What games should we play at an adoption shower?

Some of the games played at a traditional baby shower probably won’t make sense at an adoption shower. For example, if the baby is already with the family, then any guessing games about birthdays or weights will be off the table. And the new mom will probably not appreciate any games that involve guessing the size of her stomach. This might be a good opportunity to play up the adoption theme, though.

Adoptive Families suggests playing a game of adoption-themed trivia, with tasks like naming famous people who are adoptive parents or more personalized adoption questions specific to the couple. Keep in mind, though, that if the baby has already arrived, people may be more interested in taking turns holding them than playing games!

What should a gift registry for an adoption shower look like?

Quite simply, it should look however you want it to! If you’re an adoptive parent reading this, you should know it’s okay to register both for things you need and things you want, just like any new parent. Sometimes parents prefer to wait a few weeks after their child is placed with them to have a shower, just for the chance to acclimate the baby to his or her new home. If that’s the case, you may already be set for a while on things your baby actually needs.

If this is the case, and you don’t feel like there’s anything you need for your baby at this point, this might be a good chance to embrace the adoption theme. You can register for children’s books about adoption, or informational books about parenting adopted children. If you know of other couples who are beginning the adoption process, this could also be an amazing chance to help them fundraise. Instead of asking for gifts for your family, you could suggest a donation to another family’s adoption fund. This could also be a good chance to help raise money for an organization that benefits children.

The bottom line when planning an adoption shower is that it should be whatever the parents are comfortable with. If you’re hoping to throw a shower for family members or friends, simply ask them what they’d prefer. There are a lot of emotions that go along with adoption, and it’s going to be difficult to predict their preferences in this situation. When it doubt, just ask!

10
Mar

How to Build an Adoption Support System

Adoption is an extremely emotional experience for everyone involved. Whether you’re a pregnant woman considering adoption or a couple hoping to adopt, there are going to be times when you have to turn to someone for emotional support. Not only is that okay, it’s encouraged. Having people you can talk to about your struggles can make all the difference.

The struggles you’re going through, of course, are going to be very different depending on which side of the adoption triad you represent. With this in mind, we’ve split this post up into two sections: advice for pregnant women and advice for adoptive families.

How to build a support system as a pregnant woman considering adoption

If you find yourself unexpectedly pregnant and unsure of what to do, it’s so crucial that you have people in your corner. You’re faced with one of the toughest decisions of your lifetime, and having a good support system can make all the difference.

You need people around who are going to support you emotionally, help you throughout your pregnancy and help you with decisions. This does not mean you need people to make your decisions for you. You and you alone have the right to decide what to do about your unplanned pregnancy. But hearing different opinions and perspectives may be able to help you consider points you hadn’t thought about before, and this could be extremely helpful.

Who your support system consists of depends on the people you have in your life. This is going to be different for everyone, and there’s no specific number of people you need surrounding you. Sometimes one really good person is enough, and sometimes you’ll want to surround yourself with a variety of family and friends. Some people you can turn to may include:

  • The baby’s father
  • Parents
  • Siblings
  • Friends
  • Extended family members
  • Teachers
  • Counselors
  • Pastors or other religious figures

If you don’t have these people in your life, or if they aren’t capable of providing the support you need, that doesn’t mean you’re alone. It might be as simple as trying a new church or calling to speak with an adoption specialist. Just make sure that whoever you’re turning to for support and advice is always focused on your best interests.

Regardless of who makes up your support system, you’ll need to establish good communication techniques. This may include telling them what you need; sometimes you’ll just need the space to be alone. Other times you’ll need someone to run an errand for you or to discuss everything that’s changing in your life. Remember to not only ask for patience but to give it to those around you. This may be new territory for everyone.

If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and need support, or if you need help telling your friends and family members that you are considering adoption, you can contact an adoption specialist any time at 1-800-ADOPTION. Your call is free, confidential, and does not obligate you to choose adoption.

How to build a support system as a family pursuing adoption

Coming to the decision to grow your family through adoption isn’t always an easy process. Maybe you’ve encountered infertility issues; many couples who pursue adoption have already poured time, money and emotions into trying to conceive. This can be exhausting in every way imaginable.

It’s also possible that you’re worried about coming up with the money for adoption. It’s not a cheap process, and there’s a lot that goes into it. Then there’s the fear that you won’t match with a birth mother, or that something will happen during the pregnancy, or that she’ll change her mind. It’s okay to be stressed, even as you’re so thrilled about the child you’ll eventually bring home.

It’s also okay to admit that you’re overwhelmed. You’re being put through your emotional paces, and you’re going to need people in your corner just as a prospective birth mom does. Your list of potential support team members is, for the most part, the same as a pregnant woman’s.

  • Your spouse
  • Parents
  • Siblings
  • Friends
  • Extended family members
  • Other families who have adopted
  • Counselors
  • Pastors or other religious figures
  • Your adoption specialist

You may also need to be vocal about what you need from your support system. It’s not always easy for people to imagine what a family waiting to adopt is going through. They may not know about the financial aspect, or the paperwork leading up to it, or the matching process itself. They may not understand your feelings about a relationship with the birth parents. In other words, there may be a lot you have to explain, which can feel even more stressful when you’re already exhausted.

Remember to be patient with those around you. They love you, and they’re doing their best. But also remember it’s okay to take some time for yourself. It’s not your responsibility to educate people about adoption 24/7. Find your balance.

If you feel that your support system is lacking, don’t underestimate how helpful an adoption specialist can be. To speak with an adoption specialist at American Adoptions, call 1-800-ADOPTION today.

3
Feb

Top 12 Adoption Social Media Accounts to Follow

At American Adoptions, we like to remind our adoptive families that they’re not alone. No matter what phase of the process you’re in, there are other families out there who are experiencing something similar. But you don’t just have to take our word for it.

The internet is full of information about adoption, some of it helpful and true and some of it a little less so. To help you on your quest for adoption information as well as an online community, we’ve compiled Facebook, Twitter and blog links to helpful accounts. Some of these, like Considering Adoption’s Facebook and Twitter, are more informational. Others, like Ripped Jeans and Bifocals, provide a glimpse into an adoptive family’s life — and all of the unique experiences that come along with it.

These represent only a small sampling of the adoption-related social media accounts out there, but it’s a list of solid accounts to get you started.

  1. American Adoptions, Twitter: @adoptions, Instagram: americanadoptions
  2. Considering Adoption, @consideradopt
  3. Adoption.com, @adoption
  4. AdoptUSKids, @AdoptUSKids
  5. National Adoption Center, @NatAdoptCenter
  6. Ripped Jeans and Bifocals
  7. Adoptive Families
  8. Show Hope, @ShowHope
  9. Confessions of an Adoptive Parent
  10. Lifesong for Orphans, @LifesongOrphans
  11. Creating a Family, @CreatingaFamily
  12. No Hands But Ours
30
Jan

Why You’re Waiting

You may have already dealt with infertility, disrupted adoption opportunities, or other heartbreaks and obstacles in your journey to become a parent. But waiting is often the hardest part for hopeful adoptive families.

In the beginning stage of the adoption process, there’s so much to do; filing paperwork, completing background checks, coordinating with home study professionals and more. Then, once all of that is done, you’re left to just — wait.

Everyone’s Wait Time Will Be Different

One of the first questions that couples considering adoption ask is, “How long does it take to adopt a child?”

For some, the wait is a short one. They’re placed with a child within a few months or even weeks for a number of reasons, which could include openness to all possible situations on their APQ or accepting an already available adoption opportunity.

For others, it can take years. This is not uncommon for couples who choose to adopt internationally, are adopting through a smaller local agency that is only able to manage a few clients at a time, or for those who want to foster to adopt.

For those who adopt through American Adoptions, the average wait time until placement is 1-12 months.

Your wait time will be determined by the type of adoption you pursue, your openness to different kinds of adoption opportunities (being open to any kind of gender, race, or medical history) and more.

It’s frustrating to see others adopt quickly while you’re still waiting. Try to remind yourself not to compare your adoption experience with others’. You’re going to become a parent on your individual timeline, not someone else’s. Keep hanging on!

Why a Birth Mother Hasn’t Chosen You Yet

“Why haven’t we been picked yet?”

“Is there something wrong with our profile?”

“Are we doing enough?”

If you’re still waiting to be placed into an adoption opportunity with a potential birth mother, you may be fighting to push aside some of these questions and fears. You’ll worry that you don’t look “young enough,” or that birth mothers don’t think your home is “nice enough,” or that you don’t seem “fun enough” in your pictures.

You are absolutely enough.

Someone is going to choose you to raise her child. That’s the biggest decision that a pregnant woman can make. It’s an honor to be chosen for that monumental task, but it also means that these pregnant women have a lot to consider. Most importantly, something will just click when they see the right family for their baby.

Just because that hasn’t happened yet for you doesn’t mean that it won’t, or that you’re doing anything wrong.

How did you know that your spouse was the person that you wanted to marry? How do you know when you make a major decision? You probably just had a sensing of “knowing” that this was the right choice for you.

Pregnant women considering adoption are waiting to experience that same sense with a prospective adoptive family. Trust that there will be a potential birth mother who sees your family profile and just knows that you’re the family for her baby.

Why You’ll Be Chosen by a Birth Mother

It’s important to represent yourself accurately in your family profile because a pregnant women considering adoption will look at a family’s profile and feel a little rush of excitement when she finds something that she connects with.

She may see a family who has a strong relationship with their extended family members and be thrilled because that’s something she wants for her baby, too.

She may see a family who loves spending time outdoors, and that’s exactly the future she envisioned for her child.

She may see a family who has a quirky sense of humor and whose favorite activity is playing games together at home. She just knows that this is where she wants her child to grow up.

Pregnant women considering adoption are looking for married couples with no children, committed couples with several older siblings for their child and everything in between — there’s no way to be the “right” family for every potential birth mother. You can only be the right family for the right birth mother.

The Real Reason Why You Keep Waiting

The wait time of your adoption will vary from other adoptions. There a number of factors that can affect your wait time.

But the reason you keep waiting, despite the emotional toll that this inactive phase of the adoption process can have on you, is your desire to become a family.

When you feel like you can’t stand to wait another second, remember the child that you’re waiting for. When you’re tempted to call your Adoptive Family Specialist and cry and scream and beg, remember who you’re waiting for.

This time spent simply waiting for a phone call is one of the most difficult parts of adoption. But you’re waiting because of the years you’ll get to spend with your child.

Remember:

  • You are enough.
  • The right birth mother for you will choose you.
  • Everything that can be done is already being done.

The waiting is the hardest part. Here are some tips to help you through your adoption wait as a family, and here are a few things you can do to help minimize your wait time. In the meantime, stay strong!

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