in the driver’s seat – birth mothers and modern adoption

The face of adoption has changed dramatically over the past decade. Once an act of "moral" right, women facing an unplanned pregnancy chose adoption because they felt they had no other choice. Not only were they pressured to choose adoption, but they had no say in how their child was raised, let alone a voice in how the adoption plan was to proceed.

Unfortunately, many people still believe that this is how adoption is today - when in reality, it is very different.

Not only are women free to choose from a variety of options when facing an unplanned pregnancy, but women choosing adoption have their voices heard throughout the entire process.

Today's adoption process is very much like a road trip - the birth mother is in the driver's seat, choosing which road to take, how fast to go and is even free to stop and get out of the car whenever she wishes. The adoptive family is in the backseat, going along for the ride with the birth mother, but not having any control over the trip itself.

When choosing adoption, the birth mother has more than that one choice to make. Today's birth mothers hand-pick a family for their child. She has the opportunity to choose everything from a family living on a farm in the country, to a family who will raise her child in the excitement of the big city. If she wants her child to grow up in a household with family pets, so be it. If a certain religion is important to her, or if she wants her child to grow up with a sibling, it is all her choice.

In addition to choosing what family to place her child with, today's birth mothers can choose to see her child grow up through pictures and letters. Some birth mothers may even specify a fully open adoption, where she has the opportunity to visit her child.

During the adoption process, the birth mother can choose to meet the adoptive family before the baby arrives, or may speak with them on the telephone or via e-mail. While at the hospital, she may choose to have the adoptive family present during the birth, or may specify that she does not want them there.

Today's birth mothers are very much in control of their own adoption plan. The choices are hers to make and her voice is heard.

On the long road to adoption, there are many twists and turns, many routes to choose from. With the birth mother at the wheel, only she decides where the process goes. Everyone else is just along for the ride.