I'm Pregnant -- Is My Life Over?
You know the ads well. A glowing couple hangs eagerly over a home pregnancy test in giddy anticipation of a positive result. Cut to scenes of celebration and tears of joy as the lucky couple share their wonderful news with endlessly supportive family and friends.
According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, more than 60 percent of pregnancies are unplanned. Tears of joy? Tears of anger and fear are much more likely.
Don’t let the manufactured “reality” of television tell you how to feel when two pink lines appear where you hoped would only be one.
Married or single, young or more mature, the very first reaction to learning about a pregnancy – especially one that comes as a surprise – is unlikely excitement and joy. In fact, it is often quite the opposite.
Even the most planned pregnancies can initially elicit extreme fear, shock and denial.
In our experience working with women who have faced unplanned pregnancies, we often talk with them about some of the first thoughts they had when they found out they were pregnant. Here’s what some have said they remembered thinking:
“Oh my God … this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.”
“What am I supposed to tell my mom?”
“My dad is going to kill me.”
“I’m going to be disowned.”
“Everyone else is having sex, too – why did this happen to ME?”
“I have to get an abortion. That’s the only thing I can do.”
“My life is over for the next 18 years, at least.”
“I can’t take care of a baby!”
“What would people think of me if I gave my baby up for adoption?”
“I’m thinking about giving my baby up for adoption, but there is no way that I could ever go through that – I would never get over it if I were to never see my own child again.”
“There is no way I could ever put my baby up for adoption.”
Some women or couples, in the throes of denial, fear, shock and anger will immediately tend towards what seems to be the most immediate and permanent solution to their unplanned pregnancy – abortion. While permanent in the sense that the choice to abort a child is irreversible, the emotional outcome is far from over, because it lasts a lifetime.
Others may feel they have no choice but to parent because of religious or cultural convictions, and do not allow themselves the opportunity to explore the spectrum of possibilities that exist.
When faced with an unplanned pregnancy and considering adoption, many women initially feel as though the act of placing a child for adoption is somehow a selfish decision. It isn’t until they open themselves up to the reality of adoption do they find that placing a child for adoption is far from selfish.
Finding out that you are pregnant is one of the most ground-shaking pieces of news you will likely ever discover. It’s also one that requires you to use the best decision-making skills you can muster.
It feels like a cosmic joke: Our most trying times – when we are most vulnerable and feel least able to think straight – are also the periods in life when we are expected to make our most major decisions.
Remember, no matter your age or marital status, the choice is yours to make. You will likely be surrounded by many individuals spouting as many opinions about what you should do about your future. While one of the most difficult aspects, the opinions of others should only be considered as just that: one person’s opinion. The ultimate decision is yours.
