If all fathers were financially secure, emotionally and mentally supportive, adoption would be far less common than it is today. That’s because one of the main driving factors in why many women choose adoption is because they do not feel secure in the belief that the father of their baby is ready or willing to take on the lifelong role of a father.

Of course you wish for a much different scenario -- any woman would want the father of their baby to be supportive of her and her decision. Unfortunately, if the father of the baby is displaying less-than-ideal behavior upon finding out that you are pregnant with his child, chances are, he will likely not be supportive of your decision to place your baby for adoption, either.

If you believe that the father of your baby will not be supportive of your adoption decision, speak with your Adoption Specialist. Our specialists are fully trained on the adoption laws of each state and will work with you to make sure that all necessary laws regarding your adoption are followed according to your state's law. Your Adoption Specialist will also be there to support you and your decision and will be on hand to help you with any communication you may have with the father of your baby regarding your adoption decision. In many cases, fathers simply do not understand the adoption process. Your specialist can educate him about the adoption process and how he can work with you in your adoption journey, if he chooses.

Birth Father Wants Me to Get an Abortion, Instead

If the father of your baby is attempting to convince you that he is able to dictate your decision about the life you are carrying inside of you, tell him to think again. The simple reality is that what you decide to do about your baby is your decision. Just because he is the father of the child does not mean that he can force you in to have an abortion, if this is not what you want to do.

If you choose to have an abortion because you are pressured to do so, consider how you may feel further down the road. The father of the baby will not experience the physical or emotional consequences of choosing an abortion. You may resent him and others who pressured you into abortion and you could find yourself filled with guilt for choosing abortion when it wasn't something you truly wanted.

Share you feelings with him and educate him about adoption. Many times, fathers simply do not understand the adoption process. Share with him all the reasons why you feel adoption may be best and why you do not want an abortion. If, in the end, he still wants you to have an abortion, rest assured that it is still your decision to make -- not the father's, your parent's or even your freind's choice. It's your baby and your decision.

Birth Father is Completely Out of the Picture

At first, it is perfectly natural that you feel especially disadvantaged if the father of your child is nowhere to be found. American Adoptions has worked with many women who did not have contact with the father of their baby -- whether it was by choice or because they did not know who the father was.

American Adoptions understands the many situations women can find themselves in. It's important to remember that no matter what your situation is, it's OK. Our specialists are here to support you and help you in your adoption journey. If the father of your baby isn't in the picture, share this with your Adoption Specialist. She will explain to you your rights and responsibilities according to your state's law. She will also be able to explain to you how the adoption process works when the birth father is unknown or unable to be located.

Birth Father is In and Out of the Picture

If the father of your baby displays a pattern of coming into and going out of your life as it is convenient for him, you can bet that this will not change upon the baby’s arrival. In fact, because of the additional pressures and demands of parenthood, people’s true colors can unfortunately be revealed. If seeing your child raised in a two-parent household is one of your priorities, consider the father’s sporadic behavior and how it might play out in the future, not only in how it affects you, but your child’s life, as well.

Focus on what you want for your child. Can you rely on him to support you and your child not just financially, but emotionally as well? How would his in-and-out pattern of behavior affect your child? Unfortunately, one of the biggest predictors of future behavior is past behavior. If you cannot rely on the father of your baby now, you should not assume that his pattern will change once the baby arrives. Focus on what you want for your child and the life you hope to give him/her. If having a sometimes father isn't in that picture, then consider how adoption can help you give that life to your child.

Birth Father Hasn't Supported Any of His Previous Children

If the father of your child has failed to support previous children, there is more than a good chance that he will do the same with yours. While each state varies, in many, cases, failing to support another child can help immensely to build a case that will terminate his rights as a “father.” Judges are most concerned with the child’s ultimate outcome, and red flags are clearly raised when he has been in the same situation previously, and has acted in a manner that is less than supportive.

If you feel that the father of your baby will not be supportive of your adoption decision, yet has a history of not supporting his children, speak to your Adoption Specialist. Your specialist will be able to expalain to you the adoption laws for your state and your rights. Your specialist can also help you with any communication between you and the father regarding your adoption decision. Many times fathers simply do not understand the adoption process. Your specialist can help educate him about the adoption process and how he can work with you in forming an adoption plan, if he chooses.

Birth Father is Abusive

In the event the father of your child is physically or emotionally abusive, the first thing we ask is that you take a moment for yourself and know: You are not alone. Many, many women have come to American Adoptions, reeling from the physical and psychological effects of abuse and pregnant, not knowing where to turn. We like to think they came to the right place. Here at American Adoptions, pregnant women who choose adoption are provided whatever level of counseling and support they feel they require, during their pregnancy and beyond. Our specialists are ready to help you.

A typical pattern of abuse involves the baby’s father threatening the birth mother by making her believe she cannot choose adoption without his consent, which he will vow to not provide, not because he loves the baby and wants to be an active father figure, but because he wants to hurt you. Some pregnant women enter a stage of denial, in which she is convinced that, once the baby is born, the father’s life and ways will be changed, and he will magically transform into the ideal father figure, without counseling. This does not happen. If the father of your child is abusive towards you now, the situation will only worsen as time goes on.

If you are in an abusive relationship speak to your Adoption Specialist. Your specialist will be able to provide you with contacts and resources in your area to help you escape your abusive relationship. She will also be there to support you and the choices you make for you and your baby.

Birth Father is in Jail

This is a much more common situation than you would first think – American Adoptions has a lot of experience handling this scenario. If the father of your baby is in jail, your Adoption Specialist will be able to explain to you the adoption process according to your state's laws. If he is supportive of your adoption decision, you Adoption Specialist can also coordinate with him to receive pictures and letters of the child as he/she grows up, just as you will have that option. If he is not supportive, your Adoption Specialist will be able to explain to you your rights and how his incarceration may or may not play a role in the adoption process.

 If the father of your baby is in jail, speak to your Adoption Specialist. She will be able to explain to you your rights and the adoption process according to your state's laws.

For more information about adoption or to speak to an Adoption Specialist about your adoption option, contact us at 1-800-ADOPTION.