When facing an unplanned pregnancy, women often have a lot of unanswered questions about adoption before they strongly consider it for their baby.
Many of these women share the following adoption questions:
Will an adoptive family love an adopted child as much as a biological child?
This is a concern that is not exclusive to birth parents because families considering adoption sometimes wonder the same thing.
From as early on as the infant stage, adoptive families begin to love the adopted child as much as they would their own biological child. The family memories that are made over the following weeks, months and years further strengthen their love for the child, and the fact that he or she is adopted is rarely even thought about.
Even for adoptive families who have a biological child and an adopted child, nearly all of them say the same thing, and truly mean it: “We love all of our children equally. The fact that one is biological and one is adopted doesn’t ever cross our minds.”
Will my child know about his or her adoption?
Many women considering adoption question whether their child will be properly told of his or her adoption story.
This concern comes from adoptions prior to the 1980s, when many adoptees weren’t told of their adoption until much later in life, resulting in great emotional pain. Today, things are different.
Most adoption professionals explain to adoptive parents why it is important for adopted children from a young age to understand their adoption stories, and nearly every adoptive family complies. This helps answer many adoptees’ questions about adoption and avoids any shock they might feel if told as an older child or adolescent.
In the end, your child will always understand that you chose adoption because you wanted the best life possible for him or her.
What do adopted children think about being adopted?
In most situations, adopted children grow up in loving households and their lives are full of opportunity. This is all made possible because each adopted child's birth mother made the selfless decision to find a family who were ready to become parents when perhaps she was not.
So because most adopted children have so many opportunities that they wouldn't otherwise have had, they view their adoption as a gift given to them by their birth parents - one that they remember for their entire lives.
Will my child hate me for choosing adoption?
One of the most common questions about adoption is whether or not the adopted child will grow up having positive feelings about his or her birth parents.
Think about it: A child who grows up with loving parents, a comfortable home, a good school and is provided an overall great life is probably going to be a pretty happy kid. Why would this child, for example, have any ill feelings toward his or her birth parents for making such an awesome decision?
This concern is most likely a product of adoptions prior to the 1980s, which emotionally scarred some adopted children because they weren’t told of their adoption properly. Since adoption has opened up over the past 30 years and for some of the other reasons previously mentioned, today’s adopted children, adolescents and adults generally have positive feelings about their adoption.
Most adopted children love and respect their birth parents for the selfless decision they made, which provided them with the best life possible.
When will I feel better and more confident about my decision?
Many times, a woman will feel better about her adoption decision when she begins looking at adoptive families and finally finds the perfect family for her child, based on a number of factors. This could include things as big as where the adoptive family lives and their excitement to become parents, or as small as how the adoptive father's laugh reminds her of her own father.
Once she selects a family and gets to know the family through their first conference call, email contact or any other form of contact, the family becomes "real" and not just a couple seen through pictures and video.
Through this contact, she is able to see how excited they are to become parents and why they would make such great parents. Often times, this excitement and dedication to parenthood makes the woman feel more certain, and sometimes even excited, about her adoption decision.
Finally, through post-birth contact with the adoptive family, the woman will see that her child is happy and healthy, which reinforces her adoption decision.
Autumn, a birth mother, discussed these feelings:
"I was scared that I might regret my decision later on when my daughter became older and when I was more financially stable and could have been able to raise her.
However, seeing how happy she is with her adoptive family makes me feel good about my decision, and I would never want to take all the wonderful experiences that she has had away from her.
I could not give her everything that she deserved and everything that I had always dreamed for my children to have. I know that it is because of my brave decision that those opportunities are possible for her."
These are just a sample of the many adoption questions pregnant women have. If you have any other adoption questions, call 1-800-ADOPTION to speak with an Adoption Specialist or request free adoption information.
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