If you are pregnant and have chosen adoption for your child, the best-case scenario is that you have a solid support system to lean on throughout the adoption process. However, for some women, such support isn’t always available.
In fact, some expectant mothers even want their pregnancy and adoption kept secret.
Adoption is a very personal decision, and you have the right to tell or not to tell whomever you feel comfortable with. But the challenge is keeping your pregnancy a secret.
In this article, learn more about secret adoption and pregnancy before, during and after the process.
Secret, closed or confidential adoption generally refers to any adoption in which the prospective birth mother chooses to keep her identity private and exchange no contact with the adoptive family during or after the adoption process.
If you want to keep your adoption and pregnancy hidden from certain friends or relatives, you may choose a closed adoption to help maintain your privacy. While most adoptions today are open or semi-open, closed adoption is still an option for you.
However, there are some challenges of closed adoption to consider before choosing this option — and there may be even more challenges if you choose to keep your pregnancy and adoption plan hidden from your friends and family members.
Some women are able to hide their weight gain and growing bellies easier than others. Whether it is by wearing strategic clothing or avoiding certain people whom you don’t want to know the news, keeping your pregnancy secret can be difficult, but it can be done.
And, if necessary, American Adoptions can even help you relocate to another town for the duration of your pregnancy. These situations are handled on a case-by-case basis. Some reasons women choose to relocate are to:
avoid a physically or verbally abusive situation.
seek support from family members or friends in another location.
keep their pregnancy and adoption secret from certain family members or friends, for various reasons.
In some cases, there may be some advantages to secret or anonymous adoption; women may be able to avoid some conflict with unsupportive friends or family members, and in certain abusive situations, keeping adoption a secret may be necessary to protect the prospective birth mother and her baby.
However, there are many serious challenges of secret adoption to consider before choosing this option. Hiding a pregnancy is not only physically and practically challenging, but it may also make it more difficult for you to receive the services you need, such as prenatal care and adoption counseling. In some cases, lying about your pregnancy or adoption plans, especially to the baby’s father, may even legally complicate the adoption process.
And most importantly, if you choose to keep your adoption a secret, you may be missing out on valuable support from your friends and family members — not only during the adoption process, but also after. Keeping this secret long-term can be emotionally challenging and may make it more difficult to process your feelings of grief and loss after placement. For these reasons, American Adoptions recommends keeping adoption a secret only if it is necessary for the wellbeing of yourself and your child.
While it may seem difficult now, telling a few select friends or family members about your pregnancy and adoption may actually be a comfort to you. You may be surprised to find that instead of being disappointed in you, they are actually supportive of your confidential adoption plan.
However, not all women feel comfortable sharing the news of their pregnancy or adoption. If this describes your situation, contact an Adoption Specialist at 1-800-ADOPTION (800-236-7846) to learn ways to share the news of your pregnancy or to continue keeping your adoption secret.
If you are pregnant and considering a secret adoption plan for your baby, you may want to work with an anonymous adoption agency that will respect your privacy and keep your adoption plan confidential while providing all of the services, support and guidance you need.
You may contact an adoption specialist at any time by calling 1-800-ADOPTION for free information. Your call is completely confidential and does not obligate you to proceed with an adoption plan.
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