Jenee's Adoption Story

Jenee' responded:

"I am 100 % sure this is the right thing to do. I am also 100% sure that there is not a better couple nor family on the face of this earth to raise my child than Julie and Steve. Meeting you two today was just absolutely amazing. I could sense the love and trust that you have even before meeting you today. I knew that today would just seal the deal. I so enjoyed meeting you today, and cannot wait to see you again. I feel in my heart that I have made the best decision and I know that is right.

Julie I can't wait for our Journey of pregnancy with our child. I know that I am putting my child in a wonderful loving, caring home, as well as making great new friends and learning along the way.

I was reading your letter and tears were coming to my eyes, and I paused right in the end of the sentence before the sentence where you said you were crying. Deanna laughed because I was crying right at the same point where you said it was hard to type while crying. I called and woke my parents up to let them know about your very sincere email. It brings very happy tears to my eyes knowing that I have two people like you to support me on this journey."

Since this first meeting, we have continued an almost daily email correspondence and we have met in person several times. We have even attended Lamaze Classes together!

So far, our most treasured moment together has been Jenee’s ultrasound appointment on Monday, Nov. 3. We arrived there the night before to celebrate Steve's birthday. The party consisted of Jenee', Nicole (a friend of Jenee's), Barbara (Steve’s mother), John-Paul (his little brother – who's only four years old), myself, and of course Steve. This was Jenee’s first time meeting Barbara and John-Paul. It was Steve’s favorite birthday celebration to date. The next morning, we went with Jenee' to her ultrasound appointment. We were able to see so much with this device: face, body, limbs, and even some of the baby’s movements. It was so amazing and awe-inspiring that this was going to be our baby. It was also a nice surprise to find out that the medical technician performing the ultrasound, Carla, had recently adopted a child herself. This made the ultrasound experience even more meaningful. We were just bursting with excitement over this whole experience. When we found out that Jenee’ was expecting to have a little girl, we were especially thrilled because the baby would partially be named after Jenee’. The three of us had previously picked out baby names together. If the baby will be a girl, we have all agreed on Nikayla Marie. Jenee’s middle name is Marie.

The technician printed out duplicate pictures of the ultrasound so Jenee’ and I could both have a set. Afterwards, we went back to Jenee’s apartment. No sooner had we arrived there than our cell phones began ringing with family and friends wanting to know how the appointment went. It was a lot of fun sharing the news. Jenee’s friend Deanna came over and all of us went out shopping at Babies’R’Us. Jenee’ and I picked out a cute little girl’s outfit for our baby to wear home from the hospital. It was a very sentimental yet overwhelming day. Jenee’ admitted to me later that it really hit home how distressing this situation is and will continue to be for her. She expressed how much she loves kids but knows that love isn’t enough to provide the best life possible for her child. She indicated that she just broke down and cried. Yet, even in her sorrow, she cared enough to express to us that she is not having second thoughts because she knows this is the right decision. She wanted to assure us that we have nothing to worry about. Jenee’ is such an amazing person to have such a big heart to be worrying about our fears and anxieties while she is making such a tremendous sacrifice of love, it just makes Steve and I that much more appreciative of and that much more fond of our relationship with Jenee’.

As we get closer to Jenee’s due date and as our friendship deepens, I realize increasingly that I will have conflicting and various emotions within. I’m overjoyed at being able to become a mother, but at the same time feel guilty for how my joy may cause Jenee’ grief. I am so grateful and appreciative of our friendship, yet at the same time insecure and anxious that I will do or say something to lose it. I am ecstatic that Jenee’ chose us to be the adoptive parents but at the same time feel unworthy. I am so excited about the future and raising baby Nikayla, yet terrified that I will fail Jenee’s expectations on how she would want us to raise her daughter. I am such a planner wanting to list out everything that is going to happen and feel a sense of control of the situation but I feel lost and so out of control thinking about what is going to happen at the hospital – it is a little scary thinking about it, so I try not to. I shared my insecurities, feelings and thoughts with Jenee’ and she lovingly responded:

“Knowing how much we are alike I understand how you might be feeling guilty, however I don’t want you to feel guilty. I want you to be overjoyed (and I know you are). I am happy that I am able to give this gift of life to you guys. I am very grateful that we have had the opportunity to grow together and get to know each other. Julie our relationship is what is helping this experience be such a positive experience for me. There is no possible way that you are unworthy, I chose you guys for a reason and that is because I know that you are the best couple to raise our little girl. I know that you guys will do a wonderful job raising Nikayla and that she will have a happy life with you. I don’t know that I feel that I am scared about our time at the hospital, because I know how comfortable we are around each other and that it will go very smoothly. The reason why I am so ok with everything is because I know and feel that we have created a relationship with each other that will last a life time. One thing that helps this go so smoothly is that we are so much alike, and I love that.”

On March 24, 2003, Steve and I drove to Warrensburg, MO because Jenee’ was scheduled to have her labor induced. After 22 hours of labor, a lot of tears, exhaustion, and pain, Jenee’ gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby girl, who we named Nikayla Marie. It was an amazing, miraculous experience. Steve helped throughout the delivery, holding Jenee’s leg up, counting, and cutting the umbilical cord. I got to take pictures and offer words of encouragement. Jenee’s mother, JoAnn, and Jenee’s best friend, Deanna, were also in the delivery room all helping and offering encouraging support. As Jenee’ was being taken care of for after birth procedures, I got to hold Nikayla and feed her her first bottle. My heart felt like it was going to burst from excitement, anxiety, love, awe, etc. We are so grateful that Jenee’ wanted us to experience every aspect of her pregnancy including the delivery of our daughter. Throughout the hospital stay the hospital staff were considerate and supportive of all parties feelings and concerns and were conscientious of our adoption arrangement. A few days later, we went to court to obtain temporary custody of Nikayla. The whole time my heart was caught in my throat as I worried about this part of the adoption process. After court, we went over to Jenee’s apartment and had a farewell luncheon before we headed back home. There was lots of tears and hugs. All the way home, Steve and I were in stunned disbelief that we were finally taking our daughter home. We’ve must have called each other “Mommy” and “Daddy” about 1000 times that first day home. It’s still sinking in that we’re parents, but there’s no doubt in our hearts that we love this little girl immeasurably.

For us, the adoption of Nikayla will not end our journey with Jenee’ but will be just a new path we will all take together in one form or another. We don’t know where this new path will take us but with compassion, understanding, and love, we’ll all end up with a beautiful expedition along the way.

Sincerely,