Adoption Stories

I am 22 years old and have two children, both under the age of five. You could imagine my shock when I found out that I was pregnant again. I never planned on going through that again, well not so soon and I was afraid to tell my boyfriend. I was afraid that he was going to run out on me just like the others had. I knew his reaction was going to be bad, but nothing prepared me for what would happen next. I had been researching different adoption agencies via internet and reading everyone's profiles. I didn't tell him this was what I thought would be best until we were finally able to sit down and talk about it without fighting. After discussing the issue, we both agreed that adoption was our best option. Picking a family was hard. I mean, how do you sit down and choose two complete strangers to raise your child? It is the second hardest decision that you will make. He and I sat down with our paperwork, picked three families and went from there. I waited and waited for the day that our number one choice would hear the great news. It finally arrived and I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was excited for them and at the same time, I was sad because this was it the moment when this baby would be theirs.

Needless to say, they were very thrilled, but they couldn't be the family because of some family issues. My second and third choices for families fell through also because other girls had chosen them while I was waiting for the first family to be contacted. I was really discouraged at this point. In some ways, I thought that maybe God was trying to tell me something. I knew deep down that I could not take care of another child,not now, not ever. After going through another set of profiles, I finally made my decision. I chose Jerry and Lisa. In the beginning, I mainly chose them because they had no children at all and I wanted to be their miracle. I will never forget the first time that I talked to them on the phone. It was amazing. I thought I was going to be so nervous and at first I was, but after that first Hello, everything was fine. They were great. We talked about anything and everything. They were really concerned. I always looked forward to their calls because I knew that we had a connection well to me we did. We talked on a regular basis and it wasn't required of me, but I wanted to because it gave me the opportunity to know them as people so that I felt comfortable when it came time to give them their little Luke. Everything was going so well. I gave them pictures of my kids, things that had belonged to my other two when they were babies and even a copy of the ultrasound. Things couldn't have been better so we decided to meet.

When the time came for us to meet for the first time, I was so worried they weren't going to like me. I was worried they were going to take one look at me and turn the other way. They didn't they were kind and sweet as could be. They hugged me and even played with my kids. To be honest, that was the day that I knew I couldn't have picked better people to be the parents of my son.

As the months went on and things progressed, I began having my doubts, not about Jerry and Lisa, but about being able to give the baby up. I didn't know if I was strong enough or if I would be able to live with myself later. After a lot of thought and support from my ex boyfriend (who also happens to be my very best friend) and friends, I realized that I am one of the strongest people in the world. God chose me for them and them for Luke.

Almost 6 hours of labor brought the most precious joy into the room weighing 9lbs 8.6ozs and 21in long he was perfect. We sat there for about 30 minutes or so holding him, looking at him and talking to him. I lay there in bed just amazed at how I brought this wonderful little boy into the world and had the strength to give him a better life. When he got hungry, I had the nurse go and get Jerry and Lisa to handle that. I held him for a bit after they came in, they hugged me and we all cried together. After I handed him to Lisa, I lost it, but it was okay because I knew what I was doing was the hardest thing I had ever done, but it was also the greatest thing I had ever done. I went over to his room and visited with the three of them for a bit. Then, that afternoon, Lisa came over to my room and we visited for a while. The next day it was time for everyone to leave the hospital. I had really hoped that Luke would get out before me, so that I would feel better knowing that I didn't just leave the hospital and my baby was still there I wasn't sure how I was going to handle it or my emotions. Before I left, I went over and Jerry, Lisa, Luke and I had pictures taken together. It was harder towards the end because I knew that it was almost over my time with them would be done. I declined the option to receive pictures and letters throughout the years, but in my situation, the option will always be there. Jerry and Lisa are going to send them to the agency and I can always change my mind and have them sent to me.

There isn't a day that has gone by in these last three weeks that I haven't thought about all of them. I wonder how they are and if they ever think of me. I know that they do because I can feel it. We have a bond that is very few and far between. I love them very much and I know that Luke is safe, very much loved and that he will always know who I am and that I love him so much that I chose a better life for him.

My thoughts for all of you are this. It isn't the easiest thing to do and you will be sad, but you have been chosen by a higher power and he will help match you with the right family for your baby. You are making another family extremely happy and you may not even realize it. I knew it, but it wasn't until I saw the three of them together that next morning that I realized all their dreams had come true and it was thanks to me and my sacrifice for them. Keep that in mind when you make your choice if you can't give the baby the love or life that you wish you could, there is a family here that can.

There are several reasons why we chose adoption, but I have to say that the greatest reason was we weren’t ready. That sounds so strange since between us we already had five kids. I was 22 years old, and both of my children were under the age of five. Things were rocky between us, and didn’t think that we were going to make it together. The I found out that I was pregnant. Naturally, I was excited, but also a little scared. I wanted to go to college, and being a single parent wasn’t sure that I could make it with three kids on my own. I know that people do it everyday, but with lack of family support and not exactly sure where life was going to take me, I didn’t think it would be fair to bring him into this world when I wasn’t sure of life. So I had pretty much made up my mind, but really wanted the father’s input. After a lot of silence, we finally agreed that adoption was our best option. Honestly, when I first started my process I was petrified. After our first three choices fell through, I was mortified. I thought that God was telling me something. I had looked at Jerry and Lisa’s profile a lot when I was choosing my first time, but for some reason I just wasn’t sure. I prayed and asked for a sign. When I received my new packet, and they were in it, I didn’t even look through the rest. That was my sign. I had started going back to church, and the women there were a lifesaver. They were so helpful. One lady had placed 30 years ago, and things were so different then. All of my family, except an aunt and birth mom (no I’m not adopted), pushed me away, and made me feel like I was this horrible person for not keeping my child. I avoided talking to them at all cost because I needed support not negativity. I did a lot of talking to my case worker also. She was the best.

Later I found out that Jerry, Lisa, and I would have a bond. They liked me as much as I liked them, but were very scared because they had already been hurt by this process. I didn’t want them to be discouraged, so I tried my hardest to make sure that they knew I was in this for real, no backing out. I have seen those movies on television where people are so cruel and play with others emotions. I always swore that I’d never do that. They are wonderful people. I wanted so much to meet them, and get to know them before I had the baby. We’d talk forever, and it always felt like I was talking to people I had known my whole life. They always made me feel like I was important to them. I made sure that they knew all about myself, the father and our kids. I wrote the baby a letter, and took some things that had belonged to my other children for him to have. I wanted him to know that I love him so much, and that he was not given up because I didn’t want him. I wanted to give him better, and at the same time be their miracle. I thought it was so cute when it was time for him to arrive. They bought a fire-proof safe to put all the things that I had given him into make sure they were safe. It made me feel like even though I wasn’t around, I’d be there.

When we found out that he’d be coming soon, they drove two days to get here for it. One of the things that I will never forget about the day he was born, is the fact that I was going to have Lisa in the room, and I changed my mind. When I sent for her, she had this look of fear mixed with anxiousness. She was so afraid that I was backing out. A long breath of relief and tears overwhelmed both of us when I told her that I hadn’t changed about the adoption, just having her in there. I had realized that this moment would be a first and last for a long time, for the father, the baby, and myself to be together. I had a lot of mixed emotions when I asked the nurse to go and get them. I was overjoyed by the look of gratitude and delight that just beamed off them, but also I was dying inside because that was the hardest thing I had ever done in my lifetime. We shared tears and laughs before we were all released from the hospital. I received pictures and letters from them on a regular basis. I didn’t want to at first, but now I couldn’t imagine my life without them. They help me to cope everyday, and make me realize that I made a wonderful choice.

As far as I go, I have my ups and downs, good days, and bad ones. However, at the end of them I look at pictures, and read the letters, and know in my heart that God put us together for a reason. I did not think that I could find parents that would love him as much as I do, but when I see all their smiling faces I know that I did. I thank the heavens everyday for blessing him with a terrific family. I only hope that when the day comes, he will know that I love him, and that he loves me just as much if not more.

Almost four years have gone by, and not a one without thoughts of him. I do wish that things had worked out differently, but the fact of the matter is they are just as they should be. We are still close, and seeing him grow up through pictures is better than not seeing him grow at all. I hope that girls and women both who are pregnant and think that there is nowhere to turn will make this decision and give their child a better life. I hope that reading this helps give you peace of mind and a sense of comfort. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

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