After you have chosen adoption for your child, you’ll eventually have decide which of your family members you are going to tell about your adoption plan.

Some pregnant women decide to only inform family members who they believe will be supportive of the adoption; some decide to keep the adoption a secret from everyone; and some decide to tell their entire family. Every woman’s situation and family dynamics are different, so you must decide for yourself who and who not to tell.

Legally, this is your adoption decision, and while it may hurt that not all of your family agrees with it, only you know what is truly best for you and your baby.

Here are some suggestions when telling family members about your adoption plan:

Approaching Family Members

• First tell the family members who you believe will be most supportive of your decision. This will help you build your adoption support system for when you tell other family members who may be less receptive. You can even have these supportive family members accompany you when telling the rest of your family.
• Sometimes it is easier to tell one family member or set of family members at a time. For example, you may prefer to tell your mom and dad separately or at the same time. But telling your parents, siblings and grandparents together is not recommended for a variety reasons.
• While you may have a feeling how certain family members will react to the news, you may not always receive the response that you expect. Therefore, it’s usually a good idea to approach each family member neutrally and with no preconceived expectations.
• If your pregnancy is still a secret, consider only disclosing that information for now. Telling certain family members about an unplanned pregnancy and an adoption plan all at once could be overwhelming, and you may not receive the response want. If they ask how you are going to raise a child, you may tell them that you are exploring your options. However, if the opportunity presents itself and the timing seems right, feel free to tell them about your intentions of pursuing adoption.

What To Expect

• Certain family members’ reactions may be hurtful. Try your best to not take it personally and to understand where they are coming from. Once they have time to digest what you have told them, they may be able to discuss the situation from a less emotional place.
• If you do share your intentions to place the baby for adoption, it is possible that your family may respond negatively to the idea. This typically happens with those who don’t understand how today’s adoptions work. Tell them what you know about adoption, and if necessary, invite them to speak with an Adoption Specialist.

After You Tell

• If and when your family supports your pregnancy and your adoption decision, show them how much their support means to you. Having a strong adoption support system will help you in many ways throughout the adoption process.
• You have likely spent a lot of sleepless nights struggling with your adoption decision, but what ultimately helped you decide that adoption was the right choice for your baby? Open up and explain to your family members what led you to this decision. Hopefully, they will then be able to see the situation from your perspective.
• If you feel comfortable, allow certain family members to be involved in your adoption plan. Tell them it would mean a lot to you if they would help you select an adoptive family and be there with you at the hospital. Again, having that adoption support system can be very beneficial during this difficult time.

Before you discuss your unplanned pregnancy and adoption plan with family members, consider talking to an Adoption Specialist at 1-800 ADOPTION. He or she can discuss in great detail how to approach this delicate conversation with your family.