adoption: then and now

Adoption has had a broad history. Just as American society has evolved and changed through the generations, so has the process of adoption.

In the early 1930s, it was a widely held belief that adoption should be a discreet process, that secrecy should be maintained to protect not just the adoptive family, but also the birth parents. American society believed that a relationship between the child, the adoptive family and the birth parents would just cause undue stress and emotion for everyone involved. This was furthered by the societal view that being an unwed mother was shameful, and, as a result many women quietly snuck away to a maternity home and placed their baby for adoption.

However, by the early 1980s, society came to realize that this secrecy, guilt and shame only lead to resentment and depression. Not only did adopted children not have a sense of where they came from, but women who had placed their babies for adoption were forced to live their lives never knowing what happened to their baby.

As a result, the face of adoption is very different today. Instead of being shrouded in secrecy, today's adoptions are an open process in which birth parents, adoptive parents and the child embrace their relationship to one another.

Instead of simply handing over your baby to an adoption agency, birth mothers today formulate their own adoption plan, tailored to their own wants and desires for the birth and the life of their child.

As a pregnant mother, you will be able to hand-pick the adoptive family for your child. If you desire a family with no children, one of a specific religion or even one that lives in a specific state or region, the choice is yours. If you want to meet the family prior to the birth, you may specify that as part of your adoption plan. Likewise, if you want the adoptive family to be present - or not present - for the birth, the choice is yours.

After the hospital, birth mothers today can choose to see first-hand how their child grows up through pictures and letters. You may also send your child birthday presents, holiday wishes, etc. If you desire a more open adoption, which includes phone calls and even visits with your child, that is your choice. Establishing your own adoption plan will allow you to find an adoptive family that shares your same beliefs and will honor your wishes.

This open relationship between the birth parents and the adoptive family sets the framework for your child in understanding that you chose adoption because you loved them. Your child will grow up knowing exactly where they came from, just as you will know how happy and loved your child is.

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