the gift of a lifetime

You confide to your aunt that you have thought about keeping your baby, and instead of listening as you had really hoped, she responds, "you can't keep that baby! Where's the money going to come from? You think you can support a baby on your income? Ha! You need to just get an abortion and forget this ever happened."

The very thought of ending a tiny life because you weren't ready puts a pit in your stomach you know will never subside. How could she think that? Easy: it's not her body, or life.

But this is your baby … and your choice.

Rachelle, 28, joined American Adoptions two years ago. When she was 17, she found herself in the same situation - unexpectedly pregnant. She and her boyfriend, Clayton, were excited about graduation and applying for college when they learned the news. Rachelle got an abortion. It's been more than 10 years, but still feels an extreme sense of guilt and has since become clinically depressed, requiring regular counseling.

"Every single day of my life since I took away that baby's life because of my selfish wants, I have cried, hard … usually in the shower, Rachelle begins to explain, with tears in her eyes at the very thought. "It's when I'm getting ready for the day that I begin to envision my baby and what her life could have been if it weren't for me."

Four years ago, Rachelle married Colin. From the moment they met, they knew they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together, and were very eager to start a family. "From the moment we said 'I do,' I think we started trying," Rachelle says.

But it didn't happen. No matter how hard they tried to conceive, nothing. Rachelle and Colin sought fertility counseling and spent more than $20,000 on unsuccessful fertility treatments.

But why?

The specialists explained to Rachelle that the scarring that resulted from her previous abortion was the culprit.

"No one - not the doctors, not my family -ever told me that this could happen, so why did they all tell me this was what was best" she still questions. "I felt I was being punished - not only had I sacrificed my first and only natural ability to make a miracle, I felt I had ruined Colin's life, too, before we had ever even met."

Colin says he was heartbroken and devastated, but new it wasn't Rachelle's fault:

"Yes, I wanted to be a daddy more than anything in the world, but Rachelle had no control over this outcome … I know what amazing parents we could be, and that's when we decided to adopt a baby," he recalls.

Rachelle and Colin then became a part of the American Adoptions family.

"Aside from our inability to have children of our own, Colin and I have been very blessed," Rachelle says. "With Colin's successful career in commercial development, I could easily stay home, but right now, I volunteer at a children's home because I love kids so very much."

When amazing couples like Rachelle and Colin join American Adoptions, it is their way of saying, 'more than anything else in this world, we want a child, and we have all the means necessary to give this child everything she could possibly need, and so much more.'

It's amazing. You've never even met this little baby inside of you, yet you feel more in love than ever before in your life, and want nothing more than to be able to give your baby everything in the world.

"When looking back, I know now my aunt was right … well, at least in some ways," Rachelle says.

What you dream of for your baby? There is just no way. You know with your income, you can barely pay rent, your cell phone bill and car insurance. Having a baby costs on average, about $1,200 a month! Sometimes, when you come home from work, dinner is but a fleeting thought, since all you can do is collapse on the couch. A baby has to be fed every two hours, and that includes the night-time, as well. When your baby grows into a child, breakfast, lunch and dinner are not optional - because they're growing so fast, kids can become sick if they aren't fed at least three full meals a day.

Is the father of your baby around? If he is, is your relationship healthy, loving and functional? A healthy, two-parent household has repeatedly been proven to be one of the most important factors in child rearing.

According to a recent study conducted by Georgia Family Council, a nonprofit education organization, children raised by single parents are more likely to drop out of school, become pregnant if they're girls, and get arrested if they are boys. According to another study done last year by the University of Chicago, children who are raised in a single-parent household are less likely to have the capability of feeling the type of love (called "altruistic") required to maintain healthy relationships of all types in the future.

Of course, there are many single parents in the world who do an outstanding job of raising their children, none of whom drop out of school, become pregnant, enjoy functional, loving relationships throughout their lives and certainly don't end up as serial killers!

But when considering your choices, it is important to keep your own reality in mind, as well as that of the type of couple you could choose to raise your child.

Rachelle and Colin have the type of relationship we all dream to one day have. Rachelle says that sometimes, they feel their love for one another is literally overflowing, and simply must find someone to give all this extra love and affection.

"Colin and I fantasize constantly about that beautiful moment when a selfless, brave mother chooses us to be her baby's parents. She will never have to wonder about the type of life her child has, or if her child has her eyes, because she will know through letters and pictures, which we will always send … it's the least we could do," Rachelle says.

It's true. When you choose adoption, you are giving the greatest gift imaginable, not only to the family you have chosen, but mostly, to your baby.

The choice to place your baby for adoption is among the most pure, loving and selfless - altruistic - acts you will ever do. For the time being, liberate yourself of the people who ask you questions like, "how could you consider giving your baby up?" Nonetheless, remember, those with these opinions about adoption are merely ignorant about the process, and are not meaning to hurt you.

You are not "giving your baby up." You are placing a child you love more than anything else in this world, for adoption. You are placing your baby into the arms of the couple of your choice, a couple which wants nothing more than a baby to love, provide for and support, forever.

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