American Adoptions -- America's Adoption Agency

Telling Your Family About Adoption

Once you have decided on adoption, you must make the decision about when to tell some or all of your family members.

Some pregnant mothers decide to only inform family members who they believe will be supportive of their feelings. It's your decision to make, but we all know how opinionated family members can be with the choices we make.

Talk about how you feel about this with an adoption counselor. They can help you with ways to approach certain family members.

Here are a few suggestions ...

• It is sometimes easier to approach one family member at a time. In this way, you won’t feel judgment or emotional reactions from several members at the same time.
• It is usually better to approach the family member who you believe will be the most sensitive and supportive of your feelings.
• It is important to understand that your mother and father will typically respond negatively to the idea of pregnancy, adoption or parenting. It usually is because their initial reaction is one of shock, and they must go through the stages of acceptance, just as you will. When they first learn about your pregnancy, they typically aren’t in the frame of mind to think about what is best for you and your baby. It is more common for the initial reaction to be a mixture of disappointment, frustration, anger or denial.
• If you haven’t told them about your pregnancy, then it might be a good idea to share that idea with them first. It is a lot to take in at one time if you learn that your daughter is pregnant and she is also choosing adoption. These two ideas at one time overwhelm some parents. Most parents are most frustrated with the news of an unplanned pregnancy so it is best to share that news separately. It allows them to have a clearer head rather than respond with emotions. If they ask you what you are going to do about your pregnancy, you can tell them that you are currently exploring your options.