Frequently Asked Adoption Questions [Get the Answers You Need for Your Adoption]
As a prospective birth mother experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, you likely have questions about what adoption means for you and your child. Thankfully, we have the answers. Get help by calling 1-800-ADOPTION now.
As you consider adoption for you and your baby, it’s helpful to understand the adoption process and what it means for you.
At American Adoptions, many of our professionals have either placed a child for adoption, have adopted or are adoptees themselves. This unique perspective and first-hand experience allow us to help you create an adoption plan best suited to your needs, as well as guide you through each step with every piece of information you need to stay informed and remain confident.
The adoption journey you embark on is a shared experience between you and the adoptive family you choose with the goal of providing your baby a loving and nurturing home. Not only that, but you can continue working toward your goals in life knowing your child is safe and cared for just as you would.
For a hopeful adoptive family, the chance to live out their dreams of growing their family through adoption is a life-changing experience, and you will get to share this experience together and form a life-long bond.
Take it from Scott Mars, founder of American Adoptions, and an adoptee himself:
“My mom and dad were a couple who weren’t able to become a mom and dad without adoption. Of all people in this world, my mom and dad deserve to be parents. And without adoption, they would not have been able to share their love, share their life, and give someone the life that I had."
“Because of adoption, my life was filled with love and opportunity.” You can watch Scott’s video to see his entire adoption story.
To get started, let’s answer some common adoption questions so that you can start your adoption journey with American Adoptions better prepared for what the process entails.
If you’re ready to start the adoption process with our agency or wanting more information on the adoption, call us toll-free today at 1-800-ADOPTION, or visit our online contact forms for prospective birth mothers and prospective adoptive parents.
1. Why is American Adoptions the right adoption agency choice for many birth mothers?
American Adoptions is one of the largest licensed adoption agencies in the United States. Each year, we work with thousands of women who are facing an unplanned pregnancy and offer assistance to these women. Our large, caring staff is able to assist you seven days a week and provide you with one-on-one counseling about your pregnancy and available options.
You should choose an adoption agency where you feel completely comfortable with their services and staff. With American Adoptions, you will work with an adoption specialist who is on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Your adoption specialist will be your advocate and will provide support and guidance as you create an adoption plan that is right for you.
There are just a few of the benefits of working with American Adoptions:
- Our size and scope give you the opportunity to view waiting adoptive families from all over the country in order to find the perfect family and home for your child.
- We can create an adoption plan specifically designed to fit your needs and vision for your adoption experience.
- Financial assistance for pregnancy-related living expenses is available, as well as covering costs for all legal and medical expenses.
For more information on the support and services you’ll get with our agency, call our toll-free number, 1-800-ADOPTION, or visit us online.
2. What if I choose a family and am not comfortable with them and change my mind about them?
Adoption is your choice, and we want you to be comfortable with the family that you have chosen.
Our goal is to help you find the perfect family, but it’s possible that upon meeting them and getting to know them further, you decide they aren’t the right family for your adoption. That’s OK!
If you have any concerns, talk with your adoption specialist as soon as possible. He or she may have information to help you feel comfortable or can help you find another family. We will provide you with the guidance and support in finding a new adoptive family that better suits your needs should you feel uncomfortable with the initial adoptive parents you choose.
3. What if I do not know who the father of the baby is or there is more than one possible father?
You are not alone. It isn't unusual for pregnant women to not know exactly who the father of their baby (or birth father) is or how to locate him — that is OK.
We will explain how to handle an unknown birth father in your specific state. The most important thing is for you to be honest and open about the birth father or potential birth father(s).
4. What if the father of the baby does not agree with my adoption decision?
We work with many pregnant women with birth fathers who do not agree with the adoption plan. For specific information related to your situation, please call one of our adoption professionals at 1-800-ADOPTION.
5. The father of the baby is my boyfriend, fiancée, husband, etc. Is it unusual that we want to place our baby for adoption?
Absolutely not. Many birth parents are married or dating and choose adoption together.
Each situation is unique, and in many cases, adoption is the best choice for the baby, even if the birth parents are still in a relationship, due to factors like age, financial instability, other children already in their care or other reasons. Involvement from your boyfriend or spouse can provide extra support and guidance for you during the adoption process.
We support couples who choose adoption together.
6. Do I have to include the birth father in the adoption?
We encourage birth father participation in the adoption process if he is willing and supportive. Please speak with an adoption professional at 1-800-ADOPTION for specific information related to your situation.
7. How do I tell my family or friends about my adoption?
There are many different ways to tell your family and friends about your pregnancy and adoption plans.
If you do not feel comfortable telling them in person, writing a letter can be a good option. When you write a letter, you can describe your reasons for choosing adoption and share other thoughts and information you have collected about adoption. Letters can be helpful for talking about adoption face-to-face too. Writing a letter allows you to share this information that you might otherwise forget in person, and you can read a letter directly to your family members and friends.
Finding the strength to tell can be very difficult, but explaining your reasoning for adoption to your loved ones is important to consider. If you do not feel comfortable telling your family and feel it is best to keep it confidential, that is OK too.
If you need help opening up about your decision to choose adoption, we can help you navigate the discussion of adoption with your family and how best to approach it. Get free support now by calling 1-800-ADOPTION or contacting us here.
8. Are people right when they say that this is selfish of me? How should I respond when they say something like that?
Choosing adoption is a loving and unselfish decision, and adoption is positive for everyone involved. Your child will have all the opportunities and experiences that you want for him or her. You will be able to move ahead and accomplish personal goals. Due to your situation, it may be too difficult to raise this child at this point. Meanwhile, there are couples who are unable to have children who you can help to make parents. To these couples, and to adopted children, birth parents are heroes. Performing this amazing act of love can give you a rewarding feeling.
It is important for you to surround yourself with people who are supportive of you and your adoption plan. Sharing why you chose adoption is one way to help others learn about adoption and how special it is for everyone involved. Adoption is your decision, and you alone can make that choice. It takes a very strong and unselfish person to recognize that adoption is the best option for a child.
9. Can my parents stop me from choosing adoption for my baby?
Adoption is your choice. This is your baby, and you are the only one who knows if you can raise him or her.
In most states, your parents cannot legally stop you from creating an adoption plan with American Adoptions. However, helping your parents understand why you feel adoption is the best option and including them in the process can help them to understand your decision, even if they do not agree.
Ultimately, you are the only one who can make this decision because it will directly affect you and your child for life. If you feel that it is best to not involve your family in the adoption, American Adoptions will support you. Your adoption specialist will counsel you to make sure that you have made the right choice and that you have support elsewhere.
Call us toll-free at 1-800-ADOPTION, or contact us online to get more information and guidance on how parental involvement might impact your adoption.
10. How will my other children react to adoption? How can I tell my children about my decision?
You can teach your children about adoption in many ways. Reading books about adoption, telling bedtime stories that involve adoption, and even involving your children in the adoption process or contact after placement can be helpful in explaining your situation.
Children can write letters or draw pictures for their new baby brother or sister. Often this makes them feel as if the child is still a part of their life even when he or she is not living with you. It also allows children to express their feelings and share information that they may not share verbally.
Children need to understand why adoption was a positive choice for them. On an age-appropriate level, explain that you want to "share" this baby with another family who cannot have babies of their own. Remind your children that this baby will always be a part of their lives but lives with another family now. Ask your adoption specialist for further ideas for sharing adoption with your other children.
It is common for birth mothers to be raising other children, or to be close with other young children in their lives. For example, birth mother Michelle shared how her adoption decision affected her younger siblings:
"I was 17 years old when I had my son, and although I did not have any other children, I had very young siblings,” Michelle said. “My sister was 6 at the time that I placed my son for adoption. She saw my son after he was born and even held him and fed him. She knew that he was not coming home with me but also had many questions. She met the adoptive family and really liked them. She is now 13 and understands why I chose adoption. She still has pictures of my son with her all the time. She has asked me many questions and has included him in her life. She knows how happy my son is and really believes that adoption was the best choice for me in the situation that I was in. She supports me, and I continue to teach her about adoption every day. She now tells me that I was so brave and strong, and she looks up to me for the choices that I made. I am so happy that I included her in my experience and allowed her to be a part of the adoption process."
For more ideas or help to talk to your children about your adoption decision, talk to your adoption specialist or reach out to us at 1-800-ADOPTION.
11. Will my child understand my decision?
American Adoptions provides several ways to share why you chose adoption for your child. You can speak with the adoptive family and ask them how they plan to tell your child about you and adoption. You can also complete our "Gift of Love" workbook and share hobbies, interests, pictures of you and your family, and any other details about your life that you want your child to know.
We encourage you to write a letter for the adoptive family to give to your child someday so that you can explain why you chose adoption. It is normal for birth mothers to have fears about the future of their children. However, expressing your feelings through writing, drawing or other talents will show your child that you made this decision because you loved and wanted the best for him or her.
One of the greatest benefits of open adoption is not only maintaining a relationship with your child but having opportunities to answer any questions he or she may have throughout life about you and the adoption. You can explain why it was important to make sure your child had the life he or she deserves but remain a fixture in their life.
Caitlin chose open adoption and gets to be there for her child forever.
“Knowing that I can be around and be there — I don’t even know how to put it into words… I’m like a cheerleader on the sideline, and that’s more than I could have asked for,” she said. “He gets this family who can take care of him and do everything I couldn’t, but he can also know that I didn’t just give him away. I had a purpose for him, and it was meant to be.”
12. Will I always wonder how my child is doing now?
No. Thanks to open adoption, you can stay informed and updated on your child through text messages, email, phone calls, in-person visits, and whatever types of contact you want to have with the adoptive family! These things can reassure you that your child is happy and that you made the best decision for you and your child. You may feel some relief and comfort knowing that your child has what you wanted for them: a loving home full of opportunities.
Caitlin, a birth mother that placed her child for adoption, benefited greatly from open adoption with her adoptive family.
“Amanda never left my side — like, she barely went to the bathroom,” Caitlin said. “She held my hand the whole time and then when he was born, I told her, ‘Cut the cord. You can do that; it’s okay.’" They became my family.”
“Knowing that I can be around and be there — I don’t even know how to put it into words… I’m like a cheerleader on the sideline, and that’s more than I could have asked for.” He gets this family who can take care of him and do everything I couldn’t, but he can also know that I didn’t just give him away. I had a purpose for him, and it was meant to be.”
Call 1-800-ADOPTION today to get more information on open adoption and how your adoption journey doesn’t mean you can’t be a part of your child’s life in the future.
13. Will I regret my decision?
There are many emotions in adoption. However, choosing a family that you are comfortable with and creating an adoption plan that meets your needs will help you feel confident and avoid regret about your adoption.
Adoption is a very difficult decision, and it is normal to question your thoughts and feelings throughout the process. When you think about the reasons that you considered and chose adoption, you will likely find that it was the best decision for you and everyone involved. Knowing that you made a positive decision out of love, and in the best interest of your child, will help you cope with any feelings or thoughts of regret.
Take it from Autumn, a birth mother who placed her daughter for adoption:
"I was scared that I might regret my decision later on when my daughter became older and when I was more financially stable and could have been able to raise her,” Autumn said. “However, seeing how happy she is with her adoptive family makes me feel good about my decision, and I would never want to take all the wonderful experiences that she has had away from her. I could not give her everything that she deserved and everything that I had always dreamed for my children to have. Now she has all of that, and I know that it is because of my brave decision that those opportunities are possible for her."
Your adoption specialist will be there to provide you with 24/7 support and help you through the emotional challenges of adoption. More information on how we provide emotional support is available when you call 1-800-ADOPTION.
14. Will I be able to see my baby after the birth?
Absolutely.
You are in charge of deciding what you want your hospital experience to look like. If you’d like to see your baby after he or she is born, you can do that. You can choose to hold, feed your baby and change your baby as well. You may also choose to have the adoptive family share in these experiences, so they can begin bonding with the baby. Your adoption specialist will help you make all of these decisions and more as you create your adoption hospital plan.
Interacting with your baby at the hospital and forming memories to cherish may help you find closure. However, you can also choose to not have any contact with the baby if that feels right for you. The baby can stay with the adoptive parents in the hospital or in the nursery if that is your preference as well. It is up to each individual woman to decide what she is comfortable with and what is best for her.
Birth mom Sarah chose to spend time with her son in the hospital after his birth:
"I chose to see my son after he was born,” Sarah said. “I held him, fed him, changed him, rocked him, comforted him, talked to him, and even explained my reasons for choosing adoption to him. It was something that I felt I needed to do for myself to help with closure. I knew adoption was right for my situation, although I also knew it would be the most difficult decision that I ever have had to make. I said my goodbyes to my son, and that is a moment that I will treasure until the day that we hopefully meet again."
If you’re not sure yet whether you want to see your baby after his or her birth, that’s OK. Your adoption specialist can help you explore all of your options and make the decision that feels right for you. To get more information or start making your own adoption hospital plan, call 1-800-ADOPTION.
15. Will I meet and/or talk to the adoptive family before the adoption?
Initially, you will have an opportunity to talk with the adoptive family through a conference call. Your adoption specialist will start by introducing you to each other and will stay on the phone to help you feel comfortable and to answer questions.
From there, you can choose to stay in touch with the adoptive parents throughout your pregnancy via email, text messages, phone calls or whatever forms of contact you’re most comfortable with. You may also meet the family before the baby is born through a pre-placement visit. If you have specific wishes, discuss them with your adoption professional. If you prefer not to have any contact with the adoptive family, that is OK, too. This choice is entirely up to you.
If you would like the adoptive family to come to the hospital when you deliver, they will travel as soon as you go into labor and spend time with you there. They may even be able to arrive prior to the baby's birth, depending on your delivery. However, if you do not want to meet the adoptive family, be sure to share this with your adoption specialist. She will do her best to make arrangements for the adoption according to your wishes.
16. When I find the family that I like, how do I get in touch with them to let them know I have selected them?
Contact your adoption specialist, and he or she will contact the family for you.
You can also write them a letter explaining why you would like them to be your child’s parents. With the help of your adoption specialist, you will create a personalized adoption plan so you can get to know the adoptive family.
17. How much and what type of financial assistance can I receive?
Each adoption situation is truly unique, and each state has specific laws regarding financial assistance. In most cases, your medical bills will be covered by the adoptive family. If you have insurance or Medicaid, the family will pay for anything that is not covered.
In some states, funds can be provided for your pregnancy-related living expenses like housing, groceries or cell phone service. Since living expenses are regulated through the court system and laws, American Adoptions can provide you with just as much financial assistance during adoption as any other adoption professional. To find out what assistance can be provided in your state, contact us at 1-800-ADOPTION today.
18. How involved can I be in the entire adoption process?
This is your adoption plan! You call the shots.
Your adoption specialist will discuss your options with you and provide guidance when needed, but the final decisions are yours. You get to decide the amount of contact you want to have with the adoptive family and whether or not you would like to see the baby in the hospital. You'll decide if you'd like to have contact with the adoptive family as your child grows up, and if you're unsure or unready, your adoption specialist can help you explore all of your options and make the decisions that feel right for you.
To start making your personalized adoption plan today, or to get more information about how this process works, contact us online or call 1-800-ADOPTION.
19. How can I be sure that the families that American Adoptions works with are the best possible choices for my baby?
American Adoptions accepts only the best adoptive family candidates in the United States. We receive hundreds of adoptive family inquiries each month, but only a handful are accepted into our adoption programs. American Adoptions conducts extensive evaluations and interviews in order to provide the best families.
Our list contains available families with a variety of careers, backgrounds and interests throughout the United States. With American Adoptions, you can choose from the widest selection of adoptive families available.
We’ll find a family to suit your preferences. For example, if religious beliefs are important to you, we will find families that fit your religious preferences. If you want the adoptive parents to be young and outgoing, we will find you families who are young and outgoing. American Adoptions can find the perfect family for you and your baby. You can begin viewing our available adoptive families online or call 1-800-ADOPTION to speak with an adoption specialist to get more information on finding the perfect adoptive family.
20. How much information about me is shared with the adoptive family?
You can share as much or as little personal information as you feel comfortable.
The adoptive family will know your first name, your last name (after the placement), your medical history and the state that you live in. Your social history will also be provided to the family. Please be as thorough as you can so your child can learn about you and your family if he/she has questions someday.
If you want minimal information shared with your child, let your adoption specialist know, and they can pass this along to the family.
21. How much information about the family will be shared with me?
You will receive print/online and video profiles of adoptive families who fit your circumstances and wishes.
Print/online profiles contain photos of the family and descriptions of their lifestyle and interests, their relationship with each other, their home and their extended family. Each profile will also include a letter to you, which tells you why they are adopting and what they would provide for your baby. Profiles show a family’s personality and voice, and you can start to learn about their values and dreams for their family and future. Video profiles show a family in action, and you’ll get to see how a couple interacts and know why they want to adopt.
This information will help you choose which family you would like to raise your baby. You may have a couple of favorites, and your adoption specialist can help to make sure you select the perfect match.
Once you have chosen the perfect adoptive family for your baby, you can get to know them better through phone calls, emails, text messages, or whatever forms of contact you would like! You can ask the adoptive family questions and exchange as much information as everyone is comfortable with. In modern-day adoptions, it is common for adoptive parents and prospective birth parents to get to know each other very well and develop meaningful, lifelong relationships.
To get more information about adoptive families and learn more about how this process works, call us at 1-800-ADOPTION or get more free information here.
22. How much contact can I have with my baby and the adoptive family after the adoption?
Post-adoption contact is completely up to you and what makes you comfortable.
If you desire, you can receive letters, pictures, emails, phone calls and more from the adoptive family after the adoption. You can also send pictures, letters and gifts to the adoptive family and baby through American Adoptions.
The ability to maintain connection and communicate with phone calls, video chats and even in-person visits gives everyone a chance to continue building a life-long relationship. We will work with you to determine how much or how little contact you desire and will accommodate you accordingly. Your Adoption Specialist will provide more details.
23. Once I sign the adoption papers, can I change my mind?
Laws vary from state to state. In most states, once you sign adoption papers after the child is born, the adoption is irrevocable.
However, you can change your mind about adoption at any point during the adoption plan before you sign the adoption paperwork. Your adoption specialist will go over the laws and procedures in your particular state.
24. How will the family tell my child about me and the adoption when my child is older?
Each family has its own style of introducing adoption to the child. When you choose an adoptive family, you can ask them this question. If you would like your adoption specialist to discuss it for you, just let her know. He or she can share your wishes or provide suggestions for the adoptive family to follow.
Through open adoption, you will also be able to share what you want your baby to know about you. You can complete a keepsake booklet to share hobbies, stories, photos of you and your family and a letter to your baby. The adoptive family can provide this to your child as he or she grows older. Be as creative as you like! Some birth mothers have even knitted a special blanket as a gift to their baby or given a similar symbol of their love.
The father of your baby can fill out the birth father's keepsake booklet or write a letter too. You may have other family members who would also like to share photos or a letter to the baby. This is your opportunity to pass on your and your family's love and to share your personality, history and reasons for choosing adoption. The adoptive family will treasure whatever information you provide and will share it with the baby at an appropriate age. In most adoptive homes, the word adoption is in the child's vocabulary early on, and adoption is celebrated in their lives.
Through open adoption, most adoptees grow up knowing who their birth mother is and eventually understand why she made the selfless and heroic choice of adoption. Adoptive families make it a priority to recognize their birth mother for her decision and how it positively changed the lives of everyone involved.
25. What can I expect to feel after I say goodbye?
Many emotions accompany the birth of a child. Grief, loss, guilt, loneliness, sadness, relief, joy and happiness, sense of fatigue, confusion and doubt are a few of the most common. You may not experience all of these emotions, and you may experience others as well.
Adoption is an overwhelming decision, and it may take time to sort through all of your feelings. These emotions are completely normal and should be expected. They are part of the healing process.
One woman may deal with her adoption decision very differently from another woman. However, all birth parents can take comfort knowing that they gave a family the greatest gift: a child.
Nearly all women experience feelings of grief and loss after their adoption. This may be confusing because although they feel sad and lost, they know in their heart they made the right decision and are happy about that.
It is important for you to understand and verbalize all these emotions to your loved ones and your adoption specialist, so we can help you with counseling and other resources. Remember you can reach an adoption specialist any time you need support by calling 1-800-ADOPTION.
Start Your Adoption Journey Today [Your Adoption is a Life-Changing Experience]
Michelle, a birth parent specialist and a birth parent herself, is ready to answer any questions you have about adoption.
“I am available to answer any questions that arise, particularly from birth moms, as I have been in your shoes and know how you are feeling,” Michelle said. “It was most helpful to me when I had someone to talk to who would just listen to me without making any judgments or conclusions about who I was as a person.”
You can ask Michelle questions about the adoption process online. You can also call us toll-free at 1-800-ADOPTION, or get free information with our online contact form for prospective birth mothers considering adoption here. Adoptive families wanting more information on adopting a child can click here to get more information.
Disclaimer
Information available through these links is the sole property of the companies and organizations listed therein. American Adoptions provides this information as a courtesy and is in no way responsible for its content or accuracy.
