This blog was written by Allison Olson. Being both an adoptee and an adoptive parent, Allison Olson has a unique perspective on the topic of adoption. She is an award-winning children’s adoption book author and her goal is to change the adoption narrative from the “lucky” child to the “loved” child. Allison lives in Oregon with her husband, two daughters, and their kitties named Bo and Aero.
While most home studies require education hours on topics of adoption and attachment, learning and understanding adoption is lifelong.
Since so many people involved with adoption have different experiences, it’s good to continue learning from all of these perspectives. As an adoptee and an adoptive parent, I’m always reading books on the topic of adoption.
Of all the books I’ve read, here are my top ten book recommendations for adults wanting to better understand perspectives across the adoption triad.
Top 10 Best Adoption Books for Adults
1. Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adopted Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge (adoptee) – Filled with powerful insights from children, parents, and experts in the field, plus practical strategies and case histories that will ring true for every adoptive family, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew is an invaluable guide to the complex emotions that take up residence within the heart of the adopted child–and within the adoptive home.
2. Adoption Unfiltered by Sara Easterly (adoptee), Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard (birth parent), Lori Holden (adoptive parent) interview dozens of adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents, social workers, therapists, and other allies – All sharing candidly about the challenges in adoption. While finding common ground in the sometimes-contentious space of adoption may seem like a lofty goal, it reveals the authors’ optimistic aim: working together with truth and transparency to move toward healing.
3. You Should Be Grateful by Angela Tucker (transracial adoptee) – This book centers the experiences of adoptees to share deeply personal stories, well-researched history, and engrossing anecdotes from mentorship sessions with adopted youth. These perspectives challenge the fairy-tale narrative of adoption, giving way to a fuller story that explores the impacts of racism, classism, family, love, and belonging.
4. To Have and Not to Hold by Lorri Antosz Benson (birth parent) – is the poignant account of Lorri’s momentous decision to place her daughter for adoption, the resulting heartache, and later, the unexpected joy of reconnecting with her daughter and her daughter’s adoptive mother. With agonizing yet heartwarming honesty, Lorri offers a profound look at a deep connection of two mothers that is born with the cry of a newborn daughter. What begins as a fragile, tenuous link develops into something dreams and miracles are made of—relationships that go to the soul, are meant to be, and are devoid of fear and possessiveness. To Have and Not to Hold holds much inspiration for any adoptive parent, adoptee, or first/birthparent, but it’s a story that anyone will find impossible to put down.
5. Through Adopted Eyes by Elena Hall (adoptee and Social Worker) – explores the world of adoption from the viewpoint of adoptees. Russian adoptee Elena S. Hall shares her own story and thoughts on the subject of adoption in addition to interviews from other adoptees of different ages, heritages, and perspectives. Whether you are an adoptive parent, curious about adoption, or an adoptee yourself, this unique collection of memoirs provides real insight into lives directly impacted by adoption.
6. The Connected Child by Dr. Karyn Purvis, Dr. David Cross, and Wendy Lyons Sunshine (research psychologists specializing in adoption and attachment) – The adoption of a child is always a joyous moment in the life of a family. Some adoptions, though, present unique challenges. Welcoming these children into your family–and addressing their special needs–requires care, consideration, and compassion.
7. What White Parents Should Know about Transracial Adoption by Melissa Guida-Richards (transracial adoptee) – This book unpacks the mistakes adoptive parents don’t even know they’re making and gives real-life tools to be the best parent we can be, to the child we love more than anything.
8. The Girls that Went Away by Ann Fessler (adoptee) – In this deeply moving and myth-shattering work, Ann Fessler brings out into the open for the first time the hidden social history of adoption before Roe v. Wade – and its lasting legacy. An adoptee who was herself surrendered during those years and recently made contact with her mother, Ann Fessler brilliantly brings to life the voices of more than a hundred women, as well as the spirit of those times, allowing the women to tell their stories in gripping and intimate detail.
9. American Baby by Gabrielle Glaser – The shocking truth about postwar adoption in America, told through the bittersweet story of one teenager, the son she was forced to relinquish, and their search to find each other.
10. Searching for Mom by Sara Easterly (adoptee) – It is a “disarmingly honest” mother-daughter story.Sara Easterly spent a lifetime looking for the perfect mother. As an adoptee she had difficulties attaching to her mother, struggled with her faith, lived the effects of intergenerational wounding, and felt an inherent sense of being unwanted that drove her to perfectionism, suicidal ideations, and fantasy mothers. When she became a mom, her search to find and become “the perfect mother” intensified … until her mother’s death launched a spiritual epiphany. Sara’s perspective as an adoptee offers insight for anyone in the adoption constellation. And her hopeful story with themes of belonging, family, forgiveness, and being known are universally relevant to all mothers and daughters.
Learn more about the author:
Website: www.ouradoptionbooks.com
Social Media: @kidsbooksbyallisonolson (Facebook, Instagram, TikTok)
