This blog was written by Allison Olson. Being both an adoptee and an adoptive parent, Allison Olson has a unique perspective on the topic of adoption. She is an award-winning children’s adoption book author and her goal is to change the adoption narrative from the “lucky” child to the “loved” child. Allison lives in Oregon with her husband, two daughters, and their kitties named Bo and Aero.

When your children have different origin stories it is important to keep in mind that there may be different emotions and considerations when talking about them in everyday life with your children or with others.

In our family, we have both a biological child and an adopted child. When discussing one child’s origin story, we are always very thoughtful about how we discuss it so that we don’t negatively impact the feelings of our other child about their unique origin story.

Normalizing the Adoption Narrative

Going through the home study training, we learned all about the importance of talking often and honestly about adoption with our child who is adopted.

It helps to normalize adoption and their origin story. We often discuss our daughter’s birth mom, birth siblings, and other birth family members. We also talk about how special it is to have “two moms” a birth mom and an adoptive mom and that we wanted her to be part of our family for many years before she was born.

5 Things to Keep in Mind

All of this to be said, we also have to keep in mind how all of this impacts our biological daughter and her origin story. It’s a balance we walk daily in our house.

Here are five things that have guided us as we navigate origin stories for both our adopted and biological children.

1. Each Unique Origin Story is Important

Every child’s origin story matters deeply to their sense of identity and belonging. The way a child entered your family is not a footnote; it is foundational.

It’s important to speak about each child’s origin story with the same respect whether they are present or not. When parents consistently treat each story as meaningful and worthy of care, children internalize that their own beginning is something to be honored, not compared or minimized.

2. Each Child Needs to Feel Special and Loved

Ensuring that each child feels special and loved through their unique origin story is important. Each child needs to hear, in clear and concrete ways, how they are uniquely cherished.

This means celebrating what makes each story distinct while reinforcing that love is not divided or ranked. When children feel secure in their place within the family, they are less likely to measure themselves against their siblings’ beginnings.

3. Honesty in Key

Honesty is a critical component to an origin story. Adoptees want to know their full story of how they came into the family, so please do not hold back any truth even if you think they might be difficult to hear.

Just the same with a biological child who had a complicated time in the womb or difficult birth.

Children are much more perceptive than they appear, and as they grow into adults, they will truly appreciate the honesty shared with them when they were young.  

4. Believe the Research

Research underscores just how important these conversations are.

A 2013 study by the American Academy of Pediatrics found that adopted adolescents were approximately four times more likely to attempt suicide than their non‑adopted peers.

This statistic is sobering and should never be ignored. As an adoptee myself, I believe that a child’s core sense of self‑confidence begins with how their origin story is discussed at home.

5. Our Origin Stories Stay With Us Forever

Children eventually grow into adults, but their origin stories stay with them for a lifetime.

Many adults can recall the stories their parents told about how they entered the world, sometimes word for word. These narratives shape how we understand ourselves, our families, and our place in the world.

That is why it is so important for parents to tell these stories thoughtfully, consistently, and with care.

Learn more about the author:

  • Website: www.ouradoptionbooks.com                
  • Social Media: @kidsbooksbyallisonolson (Facebook, Instagram, TikTok)