We get it. You’re curious. You don’t know any better. That’s ok, because here’s a great opportunity for you to learn about adoption.

But if you want your ignorance to show, here are nine surefire ways to make us roll our eyes hard enough to launch our eyeballs into orbit:

1. “Do you know who your real parents are?”

Uh… yes, that’d be my parents, thanks.

2. “Why didn’t your parents want you?”

We’re not rejects. Our birth parents chose adoption because they wanted the best life for us.

3. “So where are you really from?”

People will often assume you were adopted from somewhere outside the U.S. Then they get sorta disappointed when you explain that you’re from Kansas or whatever. This happens a lot more frequently for transracial adoptees, which is 10,000% NOT OK.

4. “Your brother/sister/cousin/whoever is so hot; it’s ok if you think so, too, since you’re not actually related.”

EXCUSE ME?!

Do you even hear what you’re saying right now?

5. “What was it like in the orphanage?”

Orphanages in the U.S. aren’t a thing anymore. Tell me: what was it like in your mom’s uterus?

6. “Have you ever tried to find your parents?”

My parents are probably home right now, getting ready for bed at 8 p.m.

But most domestic adoptions these days are open. So I could probably call up my birth parents right now if I really wanted to and ask them where they’re at this moment, I guess.

7. “Wait, seriously? You’re adopted? Haha you’re messing with me!”

Nope, but thanks for making me feel like a punchline.

8. “Oh, wow. That was so great of your parents to adopt you.”

I’m not some puppy that needed saving, alright? Adoptees aren’t moral superiority trophies.

9. “Ohhh, you were adopted? I’m sorry.” *insert pitying look here*

Why? I’m sure not sorry about it.