This blog was written by Allison Olson. Being both an adoptee and an adoptive parent, Allison Olson has a unique perspective on the topic of adoption. She is an award-winning children’s adoption book author and her goal is to change the adoption narrative from the “lucky” child to the “loved” child. Allison lives in Oregon with her husband, two daughters, and their kitties named Bo and Aero.

Whether your child or children are adopted or biological, it’s important to prepare them for adding a sibling through adoption.

Family expansion can have many impacts like needing to get a bigger car or bigger place to live.

Expanding a family through adoption adds an extra layer that needs to be considered. Here are my top five things to think about while preparing a child or children for adding a sibling through adoption.

Top 5 Ways to Prepare a Sibling for Adoption

1. Make sure they want a sibling

Expanding the family impacts everyone. Make sure that this is something that all children in the household want. The adoptee will be growing up in this family, so it’s key to ensuring that everyone wants them in the family.

Additionally, during the home study process the social working will speak with the child(ren) to confirm that they truly want a sibling, so it’s good to get this confirmed in advance.

2. Make sure they are educated about adoption

As the entire family prepares for the adoption of a child, education is a key component. Making sure that everyone, especially a sibling, understands open adoption and current positive adoption language is essential.

Biological children need to understand that adopted children have different needs and may have different feelings around adoption, relationships, etc.

For adopted children that are expecting the adoption of another child into the home, they need to understand that their adoption story and relationship with birth family might be different from their soon-to-be sibling’s situation.

Sometimes these differences can cause issues with existing children in the family, so focus on setting expectations early. Another big possibility to prepare a sibling for is an adoption disruption.

Using open communication about the baby/child still belonging to the birth mom until the adoption is legal and that the birth mom could potentially choose to parent the child is key to handling emotions if a disruption happens.

If parents lead by example showing the existing children in the household that they are supportive of the birth parents’ choices then children will handle the change better.

3. Make sure they know about their own adoption (if adopted)

This point is important regardless, but gets elevated during family expansion. The “where did I come from” question comes up more when another child is being added into the family.

This is a great time to really focus on their understanding of their own adoption story and how potentially this child joining the family could have a different adoption story.

It’s a great time to pull back out any information, pictures, etc. of birth family to talk through so that they can feel confident about their own adoption story.

4. Make sure they understand what is involved with having a sibling

While sibling relationships can be some of the strongest and longest relationships we have in life, it does not mean that they are all sunshine and rainbows.

Younger siblings take a lot of time from the parents, especially when they are babies which could cause some jealousy.

Younger siblings cry, scream, take toys, cause messes, etc. The more that older siblings are prepared for these big life changes, the more they will be ready to handle them when these things come up.

5. Make sure the older child is part of the adoption process

While the adoption process may seem long and tedious, if you bring an older child along in the process it can help to build excitement.

If they understand that you are filling out paperwork and attending appointments as part of the adoption process it can help them to understand everything that is involved in the process.

Learn more about the author:

  • Website: www.ouradoptionbooks.com
  • Social Media: @kidsbooksbyallisonolson (Facebook, Instagram, TikTok)