This blog was written by Allison Olson. Being both an adoptee and an adoptive parent, Allison Olson has a unique perspective on the topic of adoption. She is an award-winning children’s adoption book author and her goal is to change the adoption narrative from the “lucky” child to the “loved” child. Allison lives in Oregon with her husband, two daughters, and their kitties named Bo and Aero.

How we speak about adoption is critical to how our adopted children will grow up and view adoption. Adoption is a key part of their life, so the language that family and friends use to describe it is very important.

The way adoption is discussed while an adoptee is growing up can have life-long impact on how they view themselves and their adoption.

Keep in mind that you might get obscure comments from strangers and while it’s good to correct them, it’s critical to correct those people closer to your child like family, friends, teachers, etc.

As both an adoptee and an adoptive parent I’ve been correcting adoption language my entire life. Here are five top tips that I’ve found are critical when correcting adoption language from those we know and love.

5 Keys Around Correcting Adoption Language

Correct Quickly & Often

Making the correction immediately following the comment is key to making lasting change with that family member/friend and it shows your child that you will stand up for them and not “let it go” when someone is not speaking current positive adoption language.

Your child will take it as a sign of love to see you correcting the other individual. Frequency is also key. Correct it as many times as you hear it.

The more people hear you correct others too, the more they understand how important it is to you and your family to use correct adoption language.

Provide Correct Positive Language

When correcting things people say about adoption, it’s always good to provide them with a replacement word or phrase to restate what they were trying to say.

When people know what to say instead they usually will make that change moving forward. If they seem open to learning more, you can also send them a list of current positive adoption language to help with future conversations.

Give Reasoning

Sometimes people need to “see the proof” meaning they need to understand why the wording around adoption changed and who it may be offending and why.

This will also help family members/friends to better understand why the language has progressed.

Be Approachable

Be approachable so that you can help to answer any questions they might have in the future. Y

ou don’t want to correct them in such a harsh way that they a.) ignore your advice or b.) don’t feel comfortable to come to you in the future with other questions around appropriate adoption language.

Draw Boundaries

Be prepared that some people truly are not willing to change and that some people (e.g., even family members or friends) are not always safe to be around your child.

If someone is not willing to use current positive adoption language, I would no allow them to be in my house or around my child. I would draw very strong boundaries even if that meant not attending a family holiday event.

As an adoptee, to have a family member that is around, especially during special occasions, that consistently refuses to use current adoption language is not a safe place for an adoptee.

The moment we all became adoptive parents, we signed up to help educate others on current positive adoption language. It is our job to protect our children through language, environment, etc.

Learn more about the author:

  • Website: www.ouradoptionbooks.com
  • Social Media: @kidsbooksbyallisonolson (Facebook, Instagram, TikTok)