How to Get Comfortable and Make the Most of Your First Meeting or Conversation
For those who choose adoption – and especially domestic adoption that is open or semi-open – it’s a very common concern: Will the birth mother like me? What are we supposed to talk about?
Fortunately, the fear of not being liked by the birth mother is usually unfounded. Remember, the birth mother has chosen to meet you. During this process, she had the opportunity to read the profiles of as many amazing adoptive families as she desired, yet there was something about you that felt right to her. Often, this has to do with commonalities, but it can also mean that you have the type of life that she considers ideal for her baby. It’s one of the most important decisions she will ever make – you can bet that she has done so with a great deal of thought and love.
Even still, the first phone call or meeting with an expectant mother can be nerve-wracking for adoptive families. Remember, she is probably nervous, as well. The best advice is to be yourself and try to relax! It’s important to let her know that you care about her feelings and wellbeing. Beyond that, women who have chosen adoption for their child say that they mostly want to know how excited you are to be parents! She will also likely enjoy hearing what life for her child might be like with your family.
Stimulate her imagination – paint a picture of daily life in your household, going beyond what you may have already covered in your family profile.
Of course, it’s also important to not only talk about yourselves. Many of our adoptive families say that coming up with the right questions to ask can be challenging. For this reason, we offer the following list of appropriate conversation starters:
- How are you feeling?
- What helped you to choose our family? Do we have similar hobbies or interests?
- What can we tell you to help you feel as comfortable in your decision as possible? Would you like to know more about our house? Our neighborhood? The schools in our area? Fun things we like to do?
- When you imagine the perfect life for your child, what are some things that come to mind? What can we do to help you realize those dreams you have for your child?
- What are some of your favorites? Foods? Movies? Fun activities? Sports? Teams?
For more ideas, feel free to speak with your Adoptive Family Specialist anytime!