This blog was written by Allison Olson. Being both an adoptee and an adoptive parent, Allison Olson has a unique perspective on the topic of adoption. She is an award-winning children’s adoption book author and her goal is to change the adoption narrative from the “lucky” child to the “loved” child. Allison lives in Oregon with her husband, two daughters, and their kitties named Bo and Aero.

Adoption today is drastically different from adoption a few decades ago. I am an adoptee born in 1979 and our daughter was adopted in the 2020s.

The major difference is that my adoption is closed and her adoption is open. Today approximately 90%+ of adoptions in the US are open adoptions.

Numerous psychological studies have been done over the past several decades that prove the success and importance of openness in adoption for the long-term mental and emotional health of the adoptee. That is why most adoption agencies will only do some form of open adoption.

Closed adoption means that records are legally sealed from the adoptee to prevent them from finding out the names of their birth mother and father on their birth certificate, whereas open adoption ranges from having access to birth mother and/or father’s name to having a relationship with them.

Meaning that open adoption is full spectrum, so no two are exactly alike. Our daughter is part of an open adoption and we cherish our relationship with her birth mom’s family. They feel like an extension of our own family. We know these family members and relationships will continue to be more important to her as she grows.

It is understandable that most prospective adoptive parents are a bit apprehensive about openness in adoption, especially if they have not been touched by adoption in some way (e.g., friend, family member).

Currently there is a lack of education on adoption outside of the adoption community. It’s not part of school curriculum or even part of most DEI programs, so there are some old myths about adoption that are still very prevalent.

On top of that, openness in adoption is rarely shown in movies or tv, so people do not have much of a frame of reference for it.

Having this experience of both being an adoptee from a closed adoption and having a daughter from an open adoption, I’ve learned a few lessons. These would be my top reasons to embrace open adoption and be excited about it.

Three Key Positives About Open Adoption

Openness is Important to Your Adoptee

There are numerous benefits to an adoptee in being part of an open adoption from seeing physical similarities in birth family members, knowing their family medical history, and having relationships with their birth family members.

This helps to emphasize honesty in their origin story and helps to celebrate where they come from. An adoptee’s birth family is a central part of their life and it shows the adoptee that all parts of them are important when the adoptive parents save an important place in their lives for the birth family.

Openness is Healing for All (including Adoptive Parents)

Openness is important and healing to a birth mom who has just made one of the biggest decisions of her life, but it’s also healing and helpful to the rest of the birth family as well. They can still continue to be part of the adoptee’s life.

The biggest thing I hear from adoptive parents is how surprised they were with how healing it was for them to stay in a close relationship with their child’s birth mother. To get to know her and share key milestones as the child grows is the most filling and healing feeling.

More People Loving Your Child

For most prospective adoptive parents when they look deep into the reasons they are nervous about openness in adoption, it’s usually about worry, fear, jealously, and concern about the unknown.

As an adoptee I’d like to say that you don’t need to feel jealous or be worried about open adoption. I always say that it’s just “more people to love your child”.

I know that it’s tough to think about your child having “two moms”, but nothing can change how your child will feel about you and your individual relationship with them.

Meaning that the child will not forget about all of the years you were there for them to celebrate accomplishments, take care of them when they were sick, and wipe away tears when they were sad. If anything, having a strong relationship with your child’s birth family could bring you even closer to your child.

My hope is that this article helped to make people less nervous about open adoption. If prospective adoptive parents are more nervous about open adoption they research the benefits and read up about the positive impacts on adoptees as they grow into long-term healthy adults.  

Learn more about the author:

  • Website: www.ouradoptionbooks.com
  • Social Media: @kidsbooksbyallisonolson (Facebook, Instagram, TikTok)