This blog was written by Allison Olson. Being both an adoptee and an adoptive parent, Allison Olson has a unique perspective on the topic of adoption. She is an award-winning children’s adoption book author and her goal is to change the adoption narrative from the “lucky” child to the “loved” child. Allison lives in Oregon with her husband, two daughters, and their kitties named Bo and Aero.

During our adoption journey, I read all the suggested books, completed the courses required by our home study, followed adoptee and birth parent voices on social media, and listened to countless podcasts.

If you had asked me back then, I would’ve told you I felt very prepared for adoption. But even as an adoptee myself, I was surprised to discover there was still so much to learn as an adoptive parent. Here is a list of eight things I wished I had known before adoption.

Things I Wish I Had Known Before Adopting

1.) The Importance of Openness

Your child’s birth family will always be a part of them. It’s not only important to care for and embrace them within your family, but also to continue strengthening that bond and relationship over time.

As your child grows up, they will naturally want to know more about their birth family, so maintaining openness will mean the world to them.

2.) Be Ready and Welcoming to All Adoptee Feelings Around Adoption

The adoptee is the person most impacted by adoption. They will experience a wide range of feelings and emotions about it throughout their entire life. Being open, patient, and welcoming of any and all of those feelings is key.

3.) Adoptive Parents Need to Be Strong Advocates for Their Child

Becoming an adoptive parent means becoming your child’s advocate.

You’ll protect their story and privacy, support their healthcare needs, encourage respectful conversations about their birth family, and help educate others about appropriate adoption language.

4.) People Will Say Crazy Things

As an adoptee, I grew up hearing many incorrect things about adoption—but it wasn’t until I became an adoptive parent that I started hearing a whole new set of misconceptions.

Expect comments like, “Oh, good for you—there are so many children who need a home,” or, “They’re so lucky to have you.” Be ready with a thoughtful response that honors your child and their birth family.

5.) After Adoption, It’s Your Responsibility to Educate Others

Because adoption isn’t part of most school curriculums, many people (adults and children) are misinformed. Most of what they know comes from movies or TV shows that often misrepresent adoption.

As an adoptive parent, it becomes your role to help educate your family, in-laws, friends, neighbors, your child’s teachers—and sometimes even strangers—about what adoption really means.

6.) While the Wait Feels Like Forever, It Truly Is Worth It

Every minute of the adoption wait can feel endless, but nothing prepares you for how full your heart feels when you finally hold your child.

Every setback and disappointment along the way will fade when you look back and see how it all led you to them.

7.) You May Need Therapy

When you’re focused on being the best parent you can be, it’s important to address your own emotional well-being. Working through infertility, attachment challenges, or unresolved childhood issues can make you a stronger and more grounded parent.

The emotions that arise after adoption can also be complex, depending on your child’s situation. Looking back, I wish I had scheduled therapy early on—whether I thought I needed it or not.

8.) You’ll Keep Learning Forever

Adoption isn’t a one-time event—it’s a lifelong journey of listening, growing, and learning from adoptees, birth families, and other adoptive parents.

Even the language around adoption continues to evolve, so it’s important to stay curious and open, always striving to give your child the best support possible.

Learn more about the author:

  • Website: www.ouradoptionbooks.com
  • Social Media: @kidsbooksbyallisonolson (Facebook, Instagram, TikTok)