This blog was written by Allison Olson. Being both an adoptee and an adoptive parent, Allison Olson has a unique perspective on the topic of adoption. She is an award-winning children’s adoption book author and her goal is to change the adoption narrative from the “lucky” child to the “loved” child. Allison lives in Oregon with her husband, two daughters, and their kitties named Bo and Aero.
Adopting a child is an important decision that should not be taken lightly. There are many considerations that need to be made before starting the adoption process.
As an adoptee and adoptive parent, here are my top 8 questions to ask yourself to see if you are truly prepared to expand your family through adoption.
8 Things to Ask Yourself before Adopting
Is My Partner Fully Committed to Adoption?
Adoption is a lifelong commitment. During the home study, the Social Worker and agency will confirm that both parents are fully committed to parenting through adoption before signing off/approving the home study.
So, prior to moving forward, ensure that you and your partner are prepared to step into this journey together. Both parents need to be committed to learning, loving, and supporting a child with anything that the child may need for their lifetime.
Can I Answer Typical Adoption Questions?
Most individuals outside of the adoption community are under-educated on adoption. Meaning that we do not learn about adoption in school as children, in college, nor as adults even if we have friends that are adopted.
When thinking about joining the adoption community, it’s ideal to start educating yourself through listening to different voices from across the adoption triad (i.e., adoptee, birth parents, and adoptive parents) through podcasts, books, and discussions.
Adoption is sensitive and complex, so using current positive adoption language is very important. Understanding how to talk about adoption and being prepared for common adoption questions is critical for future adoptive parents.
Is My Extended Family Supportive and Excited about Our Adoption?
Your extended family will also be your future adopted child’s extended family. It’s essential to have your extended family not only be supportive but also be excited about this child being adopted into your family.
With excitement should come an eagerness to learn as well. Make sure that your family is just as ready to learn about current positive adoption language and how to answer commonly asked adoption questions.
Do I Know My Own Attachment Style?
Understanding Attachment Theory and how we developed attachments based on childhood experiences helps us to better understand why we react the way that we do. Before adopting, it can be helpful to learn about the different Attachment Styles and look inward to determine which one represents you.
The more we are aware of ourselves and how our childhood shaped us, the more we can be better parents to our children and provide healthy patterns for them.
Have I Told All of My Friends and Family that We are Adopting?
This future adopted child is going to want to know that you were excited and proud of their arrival, so make sure that you tell all friends and family that you are in the process of adoption.
Am I Willing to Support My Child No Matter What?
Supporting an adopted child means many different things. It means keeping a relationship with birth parents, not sharing the adoptee’s personal adoption story, using current positive adoption language, correcting people that speak inappropriately about adoption or adoptees, educating extended family and strangers around adoption, speaking out against injustices that involve your future child (i.e., race, disabilities, adoptee rights), etc.
Do I Understand the Benefits of Open Adoption?
Today the vast majority of adoptions are open, so understanding the benefits of open adoption for the adoptee and everyone in the family is key.
Making sure to keep a strong relationship with the birth parents of your future child is important. This includes ensuring to only speak positively about your child’s birth parents whether in front of them or even when they are not around.
Am I Willing to Never Stop Learning?
There are many different lived experiences within the adoption community, so continuous learning is crucial. Ideally try to listen to all sides of the adoption triad (i.e., adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents) through podcasts, books, support groups, etc.
Remember that adoption is lifelong, hence why we should continue to educate ourselves about it as things change and progress within the adoption community.
Learn more about the author:
Website: www.ouradoptionbooks.com
Social Media: @kidsbooksbyallisonolson (Facebook, Instagram, TikTok)
