Right now, the thought of ongoing contact with your child’s adoptive family might feel overwhelming, complicated or simply not what you want.
Here’s what you need to know: There are flexible options that let you make the best decision for your child while honoring what feels right for you—both now and in the future.
You deserve an adoption plan that feels safe and supportive to you. Connect with an adoption specialist now.
Is It Normal to Not Want Contact After Open Adoption?
Absolutely. Any feelings you’re experiencing after placing your child for adoption are completely valid and more common than you might think.
The emotional complexity of adoption doesn’t end with placement—in many ways, it’s just beginning a new chapter of your journey.
Placement can bring up a whirlwind of emotions:
- Grief and loss
- Relief and hope
- Feeling emotionally overwhelmed
- Need for space to process
If you don’t want contact after putting child up for adoption, there’s no timeline you need to follow for when or how you should want communication with your child and their adoptive family.
If you’re struggling with emotions or making decisions pertaining to your adoption, call 1-800-ADOPTION to connect with an adoption specialist who is here to listen, discuss your adoption options or help talk you through what you’re feeling.
Setting Communication Boundaries After Adoption
One of the most important things to understand about adoption is that it’s a lifelong journey that doesn’t end at the hospital. Even after placement, you continue to make decisions about your role in the adoption relationship.
Setting boundaries around communication is not only your right—it’s often necessary for your emotional well-being.
Your boundary options include:
- Limiting contact to holidays and birthdays
- Preferring written updates over phone calls
- Requesting temporary breaks from communication
- Taking time to process your emotions
When you work with American Adoptions, we’ll help you find an adoptive family who respects and understands your communication preferences.
Semi-Open Adoption: Meeting in the Middle
If you don’t want contact after putting your child up for adoption but there’s even the smallest chance you might want a relationship in the future, semi-open adoption can serve as the perfect middle ground.
Semi-open adoption typically involves communication that goes through a third party—often your adoption agency. This arrangement includes:
- Receiving photos and updates through your adoption specialist
- Exchanging letters without sharing personal contact information
- Staying connected without pressure of direct communication
- Maintaining emotional space while you heal
This allows you to maintain some level of connection while keeping the emotional space you need to make decisions about future communication on your own timeline.
What Happens If You Choose to Delay Contact?
Choosing to delay contact doesn’t mean you’re closing the door forever—it means you’re taking the time you need to heal and process your experience.
Many adoptive families understand that birth mothers need space after placement and are willing to respect your timeline.
During this period, your adoption specialist can serve as an intermediary, keeping you informed about important updates regarding your child’s health and well-being without requiring direct communication with the adoptive family.
Can You Change Your Mind Later About Contact?
Yes, as long as you’ve chosen an open or semi-open adoption arrangement, you can typically adjust the level and type of contact over time.
Life circumstances change, emotions evolve and what feels right for you today might be different from what feels right a year from now.
Your options for future adjustment:
- Increasing contact when you feel ready
- Reducing contact if you need more space
- Changing communication methods that work better for you
- Maintaining open, honest communication about your needs
The key is maintaining open, honest communication about your boundaries through your adoption agency.
The Benefits of Open Adoption for Everyone
While you may not want contact after putting your child up for adoption right now, understanding the benefits can help inform your future decisions:
For your child:
- Access to their adoption story and biological roots
- Important medical history information when needed
- Valuable sense of identity and self-understanding
For adoptive families:
- Reduced anxiety about the unknown
- Increased confidence in their parenting journey
- Better understanding of your child’s background
For you:
- Peace of mind knowing your child is thriving
- Opportunity to be part of their story when ready
- Ongoing connection to your adoption decision
Planning for Future Contact—When You’re Ready
If you decide later that you would like a relationship with your child and their adoptive family, there are many different ways this can look:
- Exchanging letters or emails
- Phone calls and texts
- Sharing photos and updates
- Video calls on special occasions
- In-person visits when comfortable
The beauty of open adoption is that it can be tailored to meet everyone’s needs and comfort levels, especially if you don’t want contact after putting child up for adoption initially.
Support Is Available, Even Without Contact
Just because you may not want contact with the adoptive family right now doesn’t mean you have to navigate your post-placement emotions alone.
When you work with American Adoptions, you have access to ongoing support from your dedicated adoption specialist, even years after placement.
Our support includes:
- Helping you create an adoption plan that reflects your contact preferences
- Providing you with adoptive family profiles of families who share your preferences
- 24/7 counseling
- Post-adoption support
- Contact mediation
This support is available regardless of your level of contact with the adoptive family.
How American Adoptions Supports Your Choices
What if the support you needed to feel confident about your post-placement decisions was just one conversation away?
We’re committed to helping you navigate this journey in a way that promotes healing, respects your autonomy and keeps the door open for whatever communication feels right for you in the future.
Speak with a specialist today to discover how our ongoing support services can help you process your emotions and make informed choices about your adoption relationship.
